


awake at dawn

by hiclaire



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Best Friends, DNF, Internal Conflict, M/M, Minecraft, Mutual Pining, Separations, Slow Burn, dreamnotfound, idk what to tag lmaooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27888673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiclaire/pseuds/hiclaire
Summary: dream and george have been friends for what seems like forever, however they find themselves second guessing what once used to be commonplace for them.everything seems to feel different, until dream decides to stream and suffers quite the mishap while live, leading both of them to question their friendship.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 74
Kudos: 195





	1. white tank top

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I in no way ship these two - if the creators included ever state any kind of fic makes them uncomfortable, i will take this down! Its just for fun because I have been having a writer’s block lately, and this seemed easy enough to write about. Honestly might take it down soon, but if you enjoy it, let me know! (also, 90% writing this as a joke because I was dared to do it, ahaha) - also, besides language, this is going to stay rather PG lmao
> 
> ___________________= jump in time/scene change  
> ______________________-----______________________ = pov change

Dream woke up in a cold sweat, finding himself laying on his back in the cold, dew-ridden grass with nothing but a pair of shorts and a pair of mixed-matched socks on.

“What the fuck?” he muttered to himself, slowly regaining consciousness as he tried (and failed) to stand up and regain his balance. Unfortunately for Dream, this was not the first time he had found himself in such a situation. The same thing had happened yesterday… and the day before that, and the day before that, and so on. Dream, although unsure why he continued to find himself in such strange places, decided to brush it off.

Reluctantly, Dream allowed himself to check his phone to see what time it is. His bones ached of exhaustion, and he was hoping to be able to catch at least 4 or 5 more hours of sleep before he was scheduled to stream tomorrow. It had been nearly a month without Dream streaming, and although he missed interacting with his fans, he was honestly quite content with the free time. This being said, Dream couldn’t help but feel ashamed for thinking this. He constantly reminded himself ‘ _these people are the reason I am where I am today, so I should not disappoint them.’_

His phone read “5:47.” Shit. Dream realized the sun would be rising within the next dozen or so minutes, and going to sleep now would have ruined his sleep schedule he so valiantly tried (and failed) to keep somewhat healthy. Dream decided he would just stay up- what’s another 16 or so hours?

Dream realized he had almost 20 unread Discord notifications. Cautiously, he opened them, only to find it was George and Sapnap bickering on who Dream thought was funnier. _Oh my god_ , Dream thought, snickering to himself, while the sun slowly began to rise.

The small pebbles of daylight slowly flooding over the horizon reminded Dream that he should, although it pained him to say, be getting ready to do actual work. With a light scoff, he carried himself back into his house, and slowly dissolved into his brown, leather couch. 

He looked back at Discord.

_georgie: no sapnap… you are literally wrong._

_sap: shut up GOGY_

_georgie: dont “gogy” me…._

_sap: gogy_  
_gogy_  
_gogy_  
_gogy_

_georgie: not funny. see, this is why dream thinks im funnier._

_sap: oi mate! this why dur-eam tinks ayem fahniea!_

Dream lightly giggled at Sapnap’s light teasing of George’s accent. Out of all the things Dream could make fun of George about - and trust him, there was a lot - George’s accent was one of the funniest things to tease. George would start arguing back, but by doing that, it just gave more material he had to make fun of George for. Just thinking about it made Dream’s stomach feel warm- he loved to make his friends laugh (even if it was at their own expense). 

Dream got knocked out of his trance when he heard a familiar purr uncomfortably close to his ear. “Patches, you scared the crap out of me,” he said (not really to her per se, but more to himself - he knew she would never understand what he was saying) and stroked her fur. Dream decided this was his cue to fix up Patches’ breakfast, so he headed towards his kitchen.

Dream really wasn’t very hungry, so he simply fixed himself a cup of tap water. He decided to pass the early morning hours, nothing was better than scrolling aimlessly through social media. While taking sips from his glass, he opened twitter. He read a tweet from user “@GeorgeNootFound” (George’s alt) and immediately spit out his water.

_@GeorgeNootFound: hey @dreamwastaken2 … i know i already did a love or host, but if you decided to do one, i might just have to apply. 😉 /j_

Dream felt a warm punch in his stomach, but breathed a sigh of relief after reading the “/j” (a tone indicator meaning “joke”). _Why the hell would he tweet this?_ Dream thought to himself, trying to think of a witty response that would calm down the stans that had flooded George’s reply section.

He settled on tweeting “ _@GeorgeNootFound you wish. sorry, gotta save it for my minecraft girlfriend_.” He then decided to text George on Discord as to what motivated him to tweet such a strange, strange thing.

_greenboy: lmao wtf was that tweet_

He waited, rather anxiously, for a response. He hoped he wasn’t coming off as rude, but he was (and quite rightfully) concerned. After a few minutes, he saw “ _ **georgie** is typing_…”

_georgie: LMAO_  
_why…._  
_i thought it was funny XD_

Dream snickered at this. Of course he thought it was funny.

_greenboy: of course you did_

_georgie: what’s that supposed to mean?_

_greenboy: oh… nothing._

_georgie: hmmmmmmmmm i see. any more questions?_

_greenboy: nah._

_georgie: hmm… okay then. talk to you later._

Dream didn’t reply, and went on with his day. To be honest, he felt as if this flirtatious teasing out of the blue was just… a bit strange. Obviously they did it for bits while streaming, but something about George’s recent flirty attitude on other social media sites somewhat irked Dream. He would bring up his distaste for it, but it was ultimately a joke, and Dream was a lot of things, but “soft” was not one of them.  
______________________-----______________________

It had been around half an hour since George had replied to Dream, so he assumed Dream just left him on read. No matter, George thought to himself, I better check on how my tweet did.

Aversely, he opened Twitter. His notifications were overflowing with jokes about his ‘Love or Host’ tweet, as he expected. George understood what he was doing - he knew all of his fans would certainly get a kick out of that. Plus, Dream seemed to enjoy making especially flirty jokes on stream, so George hoped Dream would find it funny too.

Clearly, he didn’t.

George paced for a minute through his apartment. It was just a joke, he reminded himself. Why would Dream be mad at that? He thought back to his blunt Discord discussion with Dream. “oh… nothing” Dream had said. Why did he seem so distant all of the sudden? He considered texting Dream to ask him what was going on. Against his better judgement, he hit send.

_georgie: hey :) are you.. ok?_

George held his breath, but quickly exhaled his worries out when Dream almost immediately began typing.

_greenboy: idk_

George didn’t know what to reply to this.

On one hand, he most definitely did not want to intrude on his friends’ personal life. After all, he knew how Dream felt about people being overly pushy. On the other hand, he knew he had to be there for him.

_georgie: do you want to talk about it?_

George placed his phone on the other side of the room where he still stood pacing, getting more and more anxious until he heard the familiar sound of a Discord notification after a few minutes. And then another. And then another.

_greenboy: uh sure ig_  
_so um idk why and ik i sound like a prick rn but somethinng about that twee tmade me_  
_uncomfortable._  
_Im sorry lol i dont want to sound stupid iidk its just something felt wweird,, uh so do_  
_you think you could maybe talk less like that? Idk_  
_sorry._

George felt a painful twinge of guilt in his ribs. He noticed Dream’s spelling mistakes - was he okay? Was he rushing to type this? It didn’t matter- he knew that Dream’s comfort was of utmost importance, and he needed to address that.

_georgie: dude omg im so sorry i didnt know :(_  
_if u want i can take it down tho_  
_you dont have to apologize for feeling uncomfortable btw- thats totally valid_  
_so uh yeah im so sorry again_  
_ugh i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable :/ im sorry :(_

George hoped Dream would understand where he was coming from

_greenboy: no need to apologize haha, just felt like should share._  
_also,, taking it down would make twitter go crazy._

georgie: let them go crazy then ;)

George paused and immediately regretted sending that. His message, completely accidentally, had quite flirty undertones. Well shit. He was so used to joking around like this that completely stopping would be incredibly difficult. It was obviously a joke, and he hoped Dream would see that, but nevertheless, he felt on edge.

_greenboy: lmao george - you are something else XD_

George’s heartbeat slowed from the relief. Thank God Dream realized it was a joke.

_______________________________________________________________

Dream decided streaming might be a good way to get his mind off of things, for once. He, albeit cautiously, hit the “begin streaming” button. Within minutes, thousands were flooding his chat with kind “welcome back,” messages.

Dream laid back in his chair, slowly taking in all of the warm words coming from dozens of thousands of people he didn’t even know. For someone who had convinced themselves they didn’t miss streaming, going back was a wakeup call as to just how much he loved interacting with his community.

He quickly snapped out of his trance, saying “Hello, everyone! I know, I know, it’s been a while. I missed you guys too.” He glanced over at chat and could not help but see “GeorgeNotFound” under the list of online viewers. He gulped, and continued welcoming the viewers back into the stream, until he got the same familiar notification George did just a few hours prior. He opened his phone to find messages from George and Sapnap in their group chat.

_ sap: YOOOO YOU’RE STREAMING??????????????????? POG _

_ georgie: why didnt you tell me you were streaming ?1;/1:?!!?!@>#@ _

_ sap: DUDE WHAT ARE YOU STREAMINGJ _

_ georgie: if its speedrunning im leaving _

Dream snickered to himself, as he cheerily announced, “today… i decided to do a speedrun stream! It’s been a while, but hey, why not live a little.” Quickly, the chat erupted into various keyboard smashes and cheers. Dream smirked to himself, and began his timer.

_ georgie: DREAMMMMM _

Dream laughed, louder this time. “One sec chat, I’ll be right back,” he said, muting himself.

_ greenboy; vc? _

He quickly started a call in their group chat, and within seconds, both other boys had joined. “Ok chat, I’m back!”

George and Sapnap, knowing they were on stream, said their own various introductions to the chat, and within seconds, Dream felt himself heating up. After all, it was Florida in the early fall. He (reluctantly) pulled off the sweatshirt he was wearing, now playing in just a white tank top and black sweatpants. He desperately wanted more speed-running practice, and he couldn't let his clothes get the better of that.

_________________________

Dream had been streaming for a little over an hour when Patches walked into his office. Patches began climbing onto his desk, getting closer and closer to his keyboard and stream setup. Unfazed, Dream stood up, trying to grab Patches before she could accidentally screw something up. Patches jumped onto his keyboard, landing on a few keys before promptly jumping down and exiting Dream’s office.

  
He thought nothing of it until his chat began spamming various arrays of “WTFJSDHFS” and “OMG”. Dream glanced over at OBS and realized his camera had been turned on. He nearly instantaneously cleared the screen so he was no longer visible. Luckily, only his torso was shown to the camera - his face was unseen. Dream rather pathetically sighed in relief, although he still exposed much more than he had meant to.

He tried to play it off as cool as he could. He muted discord so it wasn’t audible to the stream. All the stream could hear or see now were the various sounds of his minecraft game and the visuals to go along with them.

George quickly yelled at Dream through the Discord channel. “DREAM! DREAM! YOUR CAMERA IS ON DUMBASS!” Dream choked out something, which he himself couldn’t decipher as either a laugh nor a cry. “DREAM, DREAM, ARE YOU OKAY?” Sapnap added.

“Guys, guys, I’m fine,” Dream supplied, although he didn't even believe himself after saying it. “It’s fine. No one could see my face. They’ve seen my torso before in merch pictures. Could be worse.” George and Sapnap attempted to give verbal agreement, however they both seemed rather phased.

Dream smiled wryly, although the stream obviously couldn’t see it, and he unmuted, trying to reassure his fans.

“Guys I know, I know. That was um…  _ quite the mishap. _ ” He chuckled dryly. “It’s okay guys, at least I looked good.” He tried to joke in order to break the awkward silence that he himself had created. “I’m going to go ahead and end the stream early, I guess. Hope to see you all soon!” He tried to say cheerily, although his voice came out flatly. He ended the stream, and that was that. He promptly checked twitter. His notifications were going crazy.

_ @LilyWasTaken69420: OMG DREAM IS SO PRETTY AHHHJSDFHSDK HE LOOKS SO HANDSOME AND FOR WHWAT???? _

Dream scoffed. He was just praying there wasn’t excessive hate. After all, his tank top fit him especially snugly, and although he was quite fit and in shape, Dream, like all people, was not the most secure with how he looked (especially when he didn’t plan on even having people see him in that outfit). 

Surprisingly, almost every single tweet he had seen were all compliments.

_ @JamesnotfoundXD_YT: Dude Dream is ripped. How tf does he get like that streaming minecraft all day. I bet this bitch speedruns cardio or some shit. _

_ @sandyinnit1234321: i havent seen dreams face yet but judging by the torso reveal in today’s stream, i just kNOW hes handsome. _

Dream let himself have a few giggles, before drafting up a tweet on his second account.

_ Hey guys! I’m sure you all saw that accidental camera moment on stream today. Lmao no worries, it was time for a proper torso reveal that isn’t in my own merch anyways. _

In the tweet, he included a picture of himself, cropped to just the torso, which he had taken a few days prior at the gym. He let himself admit that he did objectively look good in the photo. He swallowed his fear and hit “tweet” and that was that. Soon, tens of thousands of people had replied, complimenting his physique. He was understandably shocked, but more so felt validated. Soon, his friends began responding to the tweet.

_ @The_Eret: Proud of you dude! Pogchamp! _ __  
  


_ @KarlJacobs_: Sapnap may be my fiancé but id risk it all for you dream  _ 🙄

_ @Sapnap: I think this one was meant for the DMs to me, hehe. _

_ @GeorgeNotFound: :) proud of you /srs _

Dream couldn’t help but feel pride for his audiences’ warm response to his camera mishap. But, he especially felt good after reading his friends’ responses, or rather one specific friends’ responses. Just as he thought this to himself, he once again got another discord notification.

_ georgie: hey clay _

_ can we talk :) _


	2. do you want to call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George calls Dream, and suddenly, Dream can't think straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Feel free to leave any feedback :)

_ georgie: hey clay _

_ can we talk :) _

Clay exhaled lightly. George never called him Clay, even off stream. Clay was reserved for special occasions for George, and as far as Clay knew, nothing special had happened.

_ greenboy: what’s up? _

He tried to seem as nonchalant and uninterested as possible. After all, he wasn’t all too anxious about talking to George. He had spoken to George almost every day for the past few years, and this call couldn’t be much different. At least, that’s what Dream wanted himself to believe.

_ georgie: can you call?  _

_ Not calling _ , Dream thought to himself, rolling his exhaustion-ridden eyes. It was so much easier to stay composed via texting. That is, if Dream had any issues staying composed in the first place (which, as Dream continued to tell himself, he didn’t). 

_ greenboy: yeah sure. _

Immediately, his ringer began going off. Rather reluctantly, Dream joined the call. “Hi,” George said, and Dream could almost taste the smile going along with his voice. It sounded genuine - not like a smile from humor or temporary happiness, but from true warmth. 

Dream realized, through all that introspection, he had forgotten to respond. George cleared his throat to break the uncomfortable silence between the two. “Hey,” Dream muttered, barely audible. “So… uh, what did you want to talk about?” He could feel his face grow warmer- it was that damned weather again, wasn’t it?

“Yeah, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you, for doing that reveal on Twitter today,  _ Clay _ .” George’s voice was ridden with sincerity, but also concern. Dream shivered at the word “Clay.” Hearing George call him that felt like jolts of warmth were being shot up into his veins.  _ No, _ he protested,  _ it’s that warm Florida heat, once again _ . 

“Thanks George, but it really wasn’t all that brave. Just fixing a mistake.” Dream tried to sound light-hearted, but his words came off as apathetic and disinterested. He reminded himself George had never even seen his face, so George seeing his “torso reveal” was actually quite a feat.

“Clay, just know-” Dream’s face once again jolted with warmth.  _ Why Clay? Why, George? _

“George, can you stop fucking calling me Clay?” Dream snapped, unsure of why. He hadn’t meant to shout at George - in fact, he rather liked when he called him that. Instinctively, however, he seemed to shut George out.

George’s silence was deafening. He took a sharp exhale, muttered “sorry,” and exited the call.

_ Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. _ Dream realized just how badly he had fucked up. He didn’t mean to snap at George - all George was doing was just trying to be a good and supportive friend. Dream just wished he, for once, controlled his temper. His goal was never, and would be never, to hurt George. He didn’t even understand why he snapped at George in the first place.

_ greenboy: george im so so sorry i snapped at you _

_ idek why i did, i didnt mean to _

_ im just going through some shit _

_ ugh im sorry _

He saw “ **_georgie_ ** _ is typing… _ ” flicker onto his screen before quickly disappearing. And then again, and again, until finally, George sent a message.

_ georgie: ok np _

_ Oh my god,  _ Dream thought to himself. George was either incredibly angry at him, or incredibly sad. Either way, neither of those outcomes were Dream’s intentions. Dream didn’t want to push too many messages on George - he was probably fed up as it is. However, Dream had a faint memory of George regaling his favorite bands and musical artists to Dream, one of which was called “Current Joys.”

That day, after George told Dream about them, Dream scoured through their discography, listening to almost all of their songs. One that initially had caught his attention was titled “Nervous,” which seemed to encompass how Dream was now feeling, only a few days later.

_ greenboy: also i think you may like this song _

_ it’s nervous by current joys :) _

Dream set his phone next to him, anxiously waiting for George’s text, he decided he should get some sleep. However, as he stared at the ceiling, rethinking all of his prior conversations with the boy he had just recently potentially hurt, he wasn’t getting very much sleep at all. 

______________________-----______________________ 

George stared at his Discord screen, just minutes after Dream had, quite randomly, snapped at him. He understood what caused it - George using Dream’s given name. What he didn’t understand, however, was  _ why _ .

But then, as Dream sent the song recommendation, all of these negative thoughts seemed to dissipate for a few short moments that, to George, felt like an eternity. 

He couldn’t decide how to respond. He didn’t want to seem too eager to forgive Dream (he had, quite honestly, forgiven him the second he got Dream’s first apology message, but was too prideful to admit this, and he knew that).

_ georgie: got any more song recommendations? _

George thought this could be an easy question to drive the conversation towards a more neutral topic. He didn’t even necessarily expect Dream to respond - it was already 1 am where Dream was, so he could have easily fallen asleep between the intervals of their messages. Then, he got another Discord notification.

_ greenboy: are u for real? _

George laughed. Of course he was “for real.”

_ georgie: idk… i like music :/ _

_ greenboy: hmmm.. idk if its your thing but DONTRUSTME by 3OH!3 slaps. _

_ georgie: i guess ill have to check it out :] _

_ greenboy: your turn _

_ georgie: ...for? _

_ greenboy: give me a song :-) _

George hesitated. He was not well versed enough in Dream’s music taste to give him a song he knew he would like, but nevertheless, he tried to pick one.

_ georgie: my favorite song rn is called i was all over her by salvia path _

George hoped he’d like it, after all, George loved impressing his friends.

_ greenboy: we can reconvene in the morning lmao, im so exhausted. Its like 1 here _

George smiled.

_ georgie: i know. goodnight dream :P _

George expected a quick response from Dream, however Dream seemed to be typing for an usually long amount of time.

_ greenboy: you can call me clay i think _

_ “I think.”  _ George exhaled sharply, but was confused nonetheless. People called Dream Clay all the time, his friends included. Why did Dream --Clay-- need to give George special permission to do so?

_ georgie: goodnight, clay :) _

_ greenboy: g'night _

George peeked at his clock. It wasn’t uncommon for him to be awake at ungodly hours of the day and night - it was currently 6am GMT, and George hadn’t slept yet. He decided there was no better time to sleep than now, however his thoughts seemed to cloud any space he may have had left for rest.

_ You can call me clay I think. _

______________________-----______________________ 

Dream gasped, finally awake. He, once again, found himself lying outside of his house in the grass, waking up at the brink of dawn. 

“Not again,” he muttered to himself, holding his head in his hands before getting up, legs still wobbly of exhaustion. 

Dream dreaded going to sleep for just this reason. He didn’t think he slept-walk, and even if he did, how would he have slept-walk all the way outside? He brushed these thoughts away; he had been having this issue for a while now, and there was no use looking for answers when he couldn’t find them anyways.    
  
Dream realized he had only gotten around 5 hours of sleep - it was currently only 6 am. Regardless, he knew going back to sleep would only prolong the question, so he went inside.

___________________

Dream checked the time on his phone.  _ 2:37 PM.  _ George hadn’t texted him all day, and Dream was really hoping he wasn’t still mad at Dream for randomly snapping at him. 

Almost immediately, as if Dream had summoned him, he got a text from George.

_ georgie: morning clay  _

Dream scoffed. It wasn’t morning where either of them were.

_ greenboy: lmao george, isnt it like 7 pm where you are? did you just wake up?? _

Dream waited anxiously for George to respond, and he couldn’t understand why. Usually, he didn’t mind how long people took to respond - he had better things to do than wait for people to text him back anyways.

_ georgie: maybe, its okay tho. no need to be concerned B) _

_ greenboy: its my job to be concerned _

Dream cringed at his message. He wished he could delete it, but it was definitely too late now. George had definitely already read it. He added onto his message.

_ greenboy: we are friends, after all _

Dream hoped he wasn’t coming off as weird, after all, that is what they were: friends.

_ georgie: ok dream _

_ i mean clay _

Dream laughed at the message. To be honest, he didn’t really care either way what George called him, but he felt a twinge of warmth in his chest whenever George called him Clay. It felt like Georged was the only one who had ever used the name. Like it was a special thing for just them, or, as Dream kept reminding himself,  _ their friendship. _

___________________

Dream checked Twitter. He checked his DM requests, expecting to see the usual words of support from fans and the occasional hate message. One message caught his eye.

_ @AustinOnTwitter: Hey Dream. I know the answer is probably no, but felt I might as well ask ahahah. You know… you could always do a Love or Host without showing your face … Just sayin’. _

Dream exhaled lightly, somewhat shaken by Austin’s idea. He had never even entertained the thought. Why would anyone watch a Love or Host when the main contestant doesn’t even show his face? Then, Dream remembered George’s tweet from the other day. 

_ @GeorgeNootFound: hey @dreamwastaken2 … i know i already did a love or host, but if you decided to do one, i might just have to apply. 😉 /j _

Dream felt his face flush, and, unsure why, spontaneously responded.

_ @dreamwastaken2: hmmm maybe…. we will have to see lmao. _

Dream instantly regretted it, but there was no going back. He kept replaying George’s tweet in his head.

_ I might just have to apply _

______________________-----______________________ 

George checked his Twitch, and noticed Sapnap was streaming. Quickly, he joined teamspeak with his friend - he knew Sapnap would enjoy the easy content.

“Ayo, George!” Sapnap cheered, in the middle of building some random cobblestone structure for Mexican L’Manberg.

George said hi, regularly cracking jokes with Sapnap, until he heard a teamspeak notification. 

_ User joined your channel. _

“Dream!” Sapnap shouted in delight. Not only did Dream mean views, but obviously, they were friends. No wonder Sapnap was excited.

George, however, felt his face turn red. He hadn’t expected Dream to join. He realized he hadn’t welcomed Dream, and not wanting Sapnap’s viewers to suspect anything, he spoke.

“Hi Dream,” George added, realizing he had a voice crack on the word “Dream.” Dream and Sapnap started laughing at him.

“Going through puberty finally, George?” Sapnap teased, leading to George scoffing and rolling his eyes at him. “Whatever, Sapnap.” Dream started wheezing, which caused George to stop in his tracks. George loved when Dream laughed like that… especially when he caused it. He loved making his  _ friends _ laugh, especially Dream.

___________________

Sapnap had been streaming for around three hours. Eventually, he ended the stream, each of the trio saying their goodbyes.

  
“Ok y’all, I gotta go, but I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Sapnap announced, taking his leave from the teamspeak call. George and Dream said their goodbyes, before sitting in silence for a couple of minutes while on the call.

“George?” Dream asked quietly, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah?” George responded, almost a whisper.

Dream laughed a little, and George wasn’t completely sure why. George felt a familiar feeling in his stomach - the same feeling he got earlier when Dream started wheezing on Sapnap’s stream. It was a mix of warmth and curiosity.

“Do you want to call? Like actually call” Dream asked softly. “I don’t want anyone to join our channel, haha.” George’s face flushed. 

“Uh- uh sure,” he stuttered. Immediately, Dream disconnected from the teamspeak. Within seconds, George’s phone rang from across the room. He grabbed his phone, hopped onto his bed, and hit the “connect” button.

“Hi,” Dream welcomed. George could hear a smile on his lips, lips he had still yet to see. George never really had a clear image of what he thought Dream looked like. Whenever he tried to imagine the face going along with Dream’s laugh, it was as if his mind was muddled. George then realized he had never responded.

“Uh, George? Are you still there?” George snapped out of his trance.

“Oh, sorry,” He apologized. “I’m here.” Dream snickered a bit. George started talking “So…”

“So?” Dream asked. The silences between them were awkward, but not necessarily uncomfortable. George enjoyed being on call with Dream, even if it meant he felt a little on edge.

“Hi Dream,” George supplied. He waited a second, before softly adding “ _ Clay.” _

______________________-----______________________ 

Dream’s face flushed. _ Clay _ . It was becoming commonplace for George to use his name, and he couldn’t get enough on it.

“I have a proposition,” Dream disclosed, leaning into his phone.

George giggled a bit from the other line. Dream wasn’t sure if George knew he could hear that, but either way, Dream enjoyed it.

“Austin asked me to do a Love or Host.” Dream added, cautiously. Dream could hear George exhale lightly.

“W-what?” George asked. Dream and George had joked about Dream doing a Love or Host, but they never really talked about it seriously.

“Uh, yeah!” Dream said, trying to lighten the mood. “I feel like it’d be fun. Plus, I’d love to meet some new creators on it.”

"I wonder if he got this idea from my tweet," George joked, and Dream responded by lightly chuckling.

  
George laughed a little. “But, wouldn’t you have to do… like… a face reveal for that?” George’s accent lingered on the word “that,” sending shivers down Dream’s spine.

  
Dream shrugged, and then remembered George couldn’t see him anyways.

“Not necessarily, but regardless, isn’t it kinda time for that anyways?” Dream muttered, not necessarily to George, but to himself.

“Dream, if you are comfortable, of course, but…” George continued, but Dream tuned him out. Dream quickly ended the call without saying goodbye, cutting George off. His face suddenly felt very hot. His eyesight seemed to falter, and, impulsively, he opened snapchat and took a picture of his sharp jawline. Without taking a single breath, Dream hit the "send" button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this chapter was so rushed ahhhhh - if you liked, feel free to let me know :))


	3. good morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of Dream's impulsive decision to snap George

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note -> since George is now calling Dream “Clay,” I’m going to address him as this until further notice! Thanks -> back to the story :)

______________________-----______________________ 

  
  


George was still talking when he heard the ‘disconnect’ sound from the other line.

“What the hell?” He muttered to himself, already opening Discord to ask Clay why he left so abruptly. He quickly drafted up a message, but before he could hit send, he saw a notification pop up.

_ ‘Snap from Dream’ _

George’s eyes widened. George and Clay almost never used Snapchat, and when they did, it was when they absolutely had to. The boys had unanimously agreed they preferred Discord better anyways.

George hesitantly tapped the notification and hit the red square that signified Clay’s picture. Instantly, he felt himself out of breath.

_ Oh my god,  _ he thought to himself, trying to examine every aspect of the picture his best friend had sent him. The picture itself wasn’t too special - it was just a picture of a man with a sharp jawline, with his tufts of golden-brown hair barely visible, and the top corner of a neon green hoodie was able to be seen. 

George had come to the realization, finally grasping the severity of the situation - it was  _ him _ . It was Clay. This was the most intimate picture George had ever seen of him, and wow, was it a good picture (objectively, of course - George never thought of his friends as outwardly  _ attractive _ .)

George let his eyes travel and linger on each small detail of the man in the picture. None of his facial features were shown in the picture, and yet, George felt as if he was looking straight into Clay’s (out of frame) eyes. He was looking at him. It was no ordinary man, it was Clay.

George noticed he had the picture opened for almost a minute, still observing each pixel of the man he had never seen this much of before. Abruptly, much quicker than he may have wanted, he closed the image. Next, he just needed to figure out what to respond.

  
George opened his camera, trying to take a picture at the same angle as Dream. It took him almost 5 minutes - much longer than he wanted to admit - to find a shot he deemed acceptable. He added a caption with a typography smiley face - :) - and hit send.

After sending it, he exhaled in relief, still shaken from the picture his friend had just sent him.

He was finally seeing him.

He was finally seeing the real Clay.

______________________-----______________________ 

_ Oh, shit. He just did that. _

Clay saw a Snapchat notification.   
  
George had seen part of his face.

_ George had seen part of his face _ .

Clay opened the picture George had sent him. It was a little blurry, but nevertheless, Clay found himself grinning while opening it.

They were sending each other pictures of each other.   
  
This is what  _ friends _ do. 

Clay didn’t know what to respond, so he decided maybe that was enough pictures for the day. Any more, and his heart wouldn’t know how to handle it. He couldn’t stand the anxiety sending his friend these pictures was giving him.

Clay decided it was time for him to cool down a bit, moving back to discord.

_ greenboy: hi _

Immediately, George responded.

_ georgie: hi clay :P _

Clay wasn’t sure what the “:P” meant in this scenario - someone sends you a picture of part of their face for the first time, and George responds with “:P”? George must have noticed Dream wasn’t responding, so he added onto his message.

_ georgie: i noticed you sent me a picture _

_ it was a good picture :) _

Clay’s heart pounded into his ribcage. George was being awfully flirty for a friend. Clay found himself, however, not exactly minding it.

_ greenboy: dont flatter me ;) _

_ Shit.  _ He sent a winky face. He hadn’t meant to, but he wasn’t exactly inclined to correct his typo.

_ georgie: oh come on :))  _

_ im so sorry to cut this conversation short but i am literally falling asleep lolll _

_ greenboy: so you dont want to call? _

George was teasing Clay, so it was only fair he did the same back, right?

_ georgie: weren't we just calling before you rudely hung up on me XD _

Clay winced. This was true, although he knew George was joking, he hadn’t meant to end their call so abruptly, but it was a heat-of-the-moment choice.

_ greenboy: yes……. and? _

_ georgie: hmm _

Clay jumped at the sound of his phone ringing. George was calling hi,.

“Hi,” George welcomed. His voice was soft, and Clay could distinctly hear the exhaustion in your voice.

  
Clay giggled “Tired?” He could almost  _ hear _ Georgee rolling his eyes.

“Is it  _ that _ obvious?” George asked rhetorically before stifling a yawn.

Clay laughed a little, once again. “Hey, George, you can go to sleep, ya’ know? I’m not gonna get all mad at you for being tired.”

George chuckled lightly. “I know, I know, I know,” he yawned once again “I just like calling with you,”   
  
Clay’s face turned a light pink, thankful George couldn’t have - and, as he reminded himself, hadn’t ever - seen his face. “You don’t have to be conscious to be on call with me,” he joked.

  
“Clay,” George said softly, dragging out his name, which caused Clay to shiver. “Are you asking me to sleep call with me?” he asked, beginning to chuckle.

Clay’s eyes widened, quickly, he tried to retrace his steps. “No- no no, no no no, that’s not what I-”

  
“Relaaaax Clay, I was joking with you,” George was starting to wheeze now.

Clay began laughing too. “Oh come on now,” Clay huffed between wheezes. 

“You are something else, Clay,” George stated. Clay couldn’t decipher the tone in his voice. There was a comfortable silence between the two, for a few minutes, which felt eerily long.

“Clay?” George asked, his voice almost a whisper.

“George,” Clay responded, whispering back.

  
“Do you ever feel… lonely?” Clay paused, considering his answer. Before he could respond, George continued. “Like, you know you have people you can turn to. But it always seems like something’s missing.”   
  
“Or someone,” Clay offered, impulsively. He had hoped George hadn’t heard him.

“Or someone.” George repeated, signifying his agreement.   
  
They sat without talking for what felt like an eternity.

  
“Goodnight, Dream.” George said, breaking the silence. 

“Clay,” He added.

“Goodnight, GeorgeNotFound.” Clay responded, then adding “George.”   
  
Neither of them hung up.

Clay felt his eyes feel heavier and heavier, as he began to fall asleep.

  
When he eventually woke up, they were both still in the call.

  
This was the first time in months he hadn’t woken up outside.

______________________-----______________________ 

George wasn’t a very affectionate person.

He felt awkward giving compliments, but it was even worse when he was the one receiving them. To Clay, though, it felt easy. It felt normal.

He had just woken up - it was already 12 pm GMT, and he realized he was still in the Discord call. Clay, however, had already left. He must have been up pretty early.

He texted Clay without even thinking.

_ georgie: good morning :] _

Friends send each other good morning texts. That was something friends did. 

_ greenboy: good morning :-) _

George felt a smile creep across his lips. He loved talking to Clay. So, so much.

_ georgie: any plans for the day? _

_ greenboy: might stream tbh idk _

_ georgie: ooooooh  _

_ what are you gonna stream _

_ greenboy: idk, any ideas? _

_ georgie: tommy said something about a content or lore stream - we could do that _

_ greenboy: good idea georgie _

George’s breath stopped.  _ Georgie? _ Clay had almost never called him that, and when he did, he always found himself impossibly flustered.

_ georgie: georgie??? _

_ greenboy: georgie :] _

George left it at that.

_____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was so rushed and kinda short aaaaaa, ive been busy lol :) lmk if you have any comments/feedback! have a great day!!


	4. be vulnerable, george

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George explores his own feelings while still navigating his relationship with Clay.
> 
> tw // some mentions of internalized homophoba

George and Clay were getting increasingly more comfortable with talking alone together, in a friendly way, of course.   
  
George began getting reservations, however, the second Clay had snapped him that picture of his jawline. He was finally seeing a new side to Clay: a more private side. A more intimate side reserved only for George.

_ Only for George.  _

It had been a few days since George and Clay had actually talked, for one reason or another. All George knew was that he felt as if it had been a few days too many. Nevertheless, he couldn’t give into this  _ stupid _ temptation. Why was he so eager to talk to his friend? He couldn’t be sure.

Once again, Clay seemed to read his mind.

_ greenboy: hey _

_ it’s been a while hahaha _

George light-heartedly rolled his eyes. It was as if Clay was reading his thoughts, knowing exactly when to text him. It was scary.

_ georgie: lol yeah _

_ been busy i guess _

He needed to sound uninterested. He needed to sound normal. He couldn’t let Clay think he was feeling strange at all.

George knew he wasn’t necessarily “straight.” He had always found himself admiring men, and sometimes even being attracted to them, but he would never act on it. He just simply moved on every time he felt like this. Like  _ this _ . 

George brushed off this thought. He loved Clay, of course, but only platonically. He could never like any man, especially his  _ best friend _ , like that.

_ greenboy: are u okay?? _

_ idk you kinda seem off :/ _

George exhaled sharply at this response.  _ Was he okay? _ Quite honestly, he didn’t even know the answer to that. George valued honesty, so he decided telling a “slightly bent” version of the truth might somewhat improve his situation.

_ georgie: idk tbh _

_ greenboy: go on _

_ if you want to of course _

George scoffed. Of course he didn’t want to go on, but he would anyways. He needed some way to express the jumble of thoughts building up in his mind, even if he wasn’t expressing the whole truth.

_ georgie: idk? i think i might kinda like someone but im not sure _

Clay was typing, and then stopped. It seemed like ages until he finally responded. George felt himself biting his cheek in anticipation, hoping Clay wouldn’t read into his incredibly vague message.

_ greenboy: oh _

_ Oh? _ Oh?!? What kind of response was that? George felt himself getting hot, and he wasn’t sure why. Was he mad? Flustered, perhaps? He couldn’t tell.

_ georgie: oh? _

_ greenboy: oh shit i’m sorry i didn’t realize my entire message didn’t send oops _

_all i was going to say is that if you think you like them, you probably do._

_ plus, no harm in a little crush, right? Haha _

George’s face seemed to almost instantaneously morph into a bright shade of crimson. Why did Clay have to be like… this? So charming, and funny, and-

No. George needed to stop thinking these things. He didn’t like Clay, he was probably just sleep deprived. Plus, there  _ was _ “harm in a little crush,” especially when that crush is the person you talk to nearly every day, and can’t seem to escape.

_ georgie: ugh _

_ i have no experience with this type of stuff _

George hoped he could bait Clay into helping him, even if it meant Clay was somewhat being a wingman for himself. George was very aware Clay did not like him. George wasn’t even sure if he liked Clay (he was leaning to no, though). But, why not find out?

_ greenboy: do you wanna call? It feels strange texting like this. _

_ It’ll just be easier _

George groaned. Of  _ course _ Clay would ask to call. That bastard.

George dialled Clay’s number. On the fourth or fifth ring, Clay answered.

“Woah, that was quick,” Clay greeted jokingly, and George laughed a bit. He may not like Clay, but he sure found him charismatic.

“Yeah…” George muttered to himself, unsure of how this talk with his friend would go, as well as where the conversation would even be headed.

“So, tell me about this crush of yours,” Clay prodded, giggling. Clay was so pushy sometimes; George felt like he could pry anything out of George, regardless if he wanted to share it or not.

“What do you want to know?” George choked out, his lungs starting to tighten due to his nerves from being on the call with the very man he wasn’t sure if he fancied or not.

“Hmm… good question,” Clay started, sounding all too pleased with himself. George rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, describe them. Are they pretty?” he asked, a mix of curiosity and warmth able to be heard in his voice.

  
George thought for a second. “I’m - I’m not sure,” he started, and immediately realized what he said. He tried to make a smooth recovery “I don’t think I know them well enough to determine that. I think so, though.” 

Clay hummed, of which vaguely sounded like he was trying to say “interesting.” “Well, what else? All I know right now is that you apparently have no basis on what pretty means.” Clay teased, and George’s heart began to race.

“They’re very funny, at least I think so.” George waited a second before continuing. “I don’t know, honestly, something about them just feels … warm.” George could feel himself smiling.

  
George heard Clay take a deep breath across the line. “George, it sounds like you really like her.”  _ Her _ . George felt his face drop at this.  _ Of course he assumes it is a girl _ , George reminds himself, _ after all, you’ve only ever dated women _ . “I say, just be open about it to them. Put all your feelings on the table. Be vulnerable, George.” 

Clay seemed very nervous, and George couldn’t decipher why. Was he making Clay uncomfortable. “Clay, Clay, are you okay?”

______________________-----______________________

_ Of course George liked someone _ . Clay knew he didn’t like George, they were only close friends. However, he couldn’t seem to shake off the twinge of jealousy in his chest after George had admitted to liking someone else.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Clay assured him. “Just… thinking.”

“About what?” George replied, his voice suddenly at the volume level of a whisper.

Clay decided to be (somewhat) truthful. “To be honest, I don’t know. I’m kind of confused,” he whispered back.

“What are you confused about? Maybe I can help,” George suggested, sending shivers down Clay’s spine.

“Shit, everything,” Clay responded, laughing at himself a bit.

Clay could hear George inhale loudly. “Clay… you weren’t serious about that Love or Host thing, right?”

  
“W-Why?” Clay asked, stuttering at nearly every letter.

“I don’t know,” George responded, almost laughing. “I think it’d be funny if you did it and I was a contestant like… for real.”

Clay laughed. “Yeah, yeah, that would be pretty funny,” and George matched his chuckling. 

Eventually, by the end of the call, they were wheezing.

Like friends do.

_ Like friends do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH sorry this was so rushed and kinda short - soon I'll have more free time and the chapters will be longer + more thought out :) promise ahahah


	5. i want to know a lot, clay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clay and george find themselves talking quite a lot to each other, and clay is all too happy about it.

For the first time in what felt like ages (but was, more realistically, around a week) Clay had woken up outside in the grass again.

“For fuck’s sake-” Clay muttered to himself, getting up from the ground. His sweatpants were covered in cool dew from the cool yet humid Florida night, and he quickly realized why just a dozen days ago he had dreaded waking up so much. 

Clay stared at the sky before going inside - the sky was a golden color, filled with notes of reds and pinks. The sun was beginning to peak out from behind the surrounding buildings, and it, quite quickly, started to feel warm outside. Without hesitation, Clay went inside and opened his computer.

He opened his computer to see almost 20 unread Discord notifications, from various friends. “Wha-what?” Clay asked himself, going through the messages. He hesitantly opened his DM’s with George.

_ georgie: hey _

_ (five hours later) _

_ georgie: hey u ok? its like 2 pm lmao _

_ (eight hours later) _

_ georgie: hmm ok _

_ if u dont want to talk thats cool, but lmk if anything is wrong _

_ (three minutes later) _

_ georgie: <3 _

_ Shit.  _ Clay had quite literally slept through an entire day.

What.   
  


The.

  
Fuck.

Clay scrambled to reply to George.

_ greenboy: nononononno im okay omg _

_ i literally slept through all of yesterday wtf _

_ im tripping i swear _

George quickly began typing.

_ georgie: WWHAT?!???! _

Clay found himself giggling at George’s message.

_ georgie: HOW DID YOU EVEN SLEEP THAT LONG? ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN’T LIKE… IDK… BLACK OUT? _

Clay started chucking.

_ greenboy: NO _

_ georgie: mhmmm _

_ greenboy: dude i swear i didnt _

_ georgie: i know, i’m just messing with you ;) _

Clay’s face instantaneously flushed. George definitely didn’t mean anything by the “;)” but he couldn’t get himself to ignore it.

_ greenboy: you are something else george lmao _

_ georgie: i know :] _

______________________-----______________________

“Ugh, why did I send a fucking _winky_ face?” George muttered to himself, rolling his eyes.

He couldn’t deny it, he was starting to…  _ feel things _ for Clay. Things friends shouldn’t think about each other. All George seemed to want to do was just give Clay a  _ hug _ . But, he couldn’t. They were just so distant from each other sometimes. At the moment, around 4,000 miles-distant.

George weighed the thought that, for a second, Clay might feel the same way. He was always exceptionally flirty with the other, but as friends. Of course,  _ as friends _ .

George fumbled his phone around in his hands. He wanted to say something - anything - that would somehow convey how he felt to Clay without outright telling him. He popped up from his trance when he heard a distinct and tired sounding “uh...Hello?” from his phone.

_ Shit.  _ He must have accidentally hit the call button on Discord.

“Uh, hi,” George greeted, not sure what to do at the moment.

“It’s kinda early to be calling, don’t ya think?” Clay asked, exhaustion being heard in his raspy voice. George shivered instinctively.

“Yeah, yeah,” he realized his voice was trailing off. “Clay?” he asked abruptly.

He could hear clay swallow from anxiety on the other line, seemingly caught off guard. “Y-yeah?”

“Do you like music?” George asked, quite randomly.  _ What the fuck. Out of all things, why ask that? _

“Uh, yeah. I guess so. Why?” Clay inquired, seeming more or less intrigued by George’s question.

“I have a proposition,” George started, an idea burning into his brain.

  
“Go ahead,” Clay prodded, sounding very curious.

“What if we made each other playlists?” George asked, and he could feel his face turning laugh.

Clay started laughing, quite loudly. “You- you called _just_ to ask if we could 'make each other playlists?'” he asked between wheezes, and George found himself giggling as well.

“Well… yes,” he started. “Actually, to be quite honest, I didn’t even mean to call you in the first place, it was just an accident.” George informed him.

Clay made a fake-dramatic gasp. “Woah, woah, woah, Georgie,” George’s face deepened its already pink color at Clay saying his nickname. “Am I nothing more than an accident to you?” he teased. For once, George decided he might as well banter back.

“You know you’re worth more than that, Clay,” he said softly. An uncomfortable silence stood between them for a few short seconds.

“George-” Clay whispered, and George felt as if he could almost feel Clay’s breath on his cheek through the phone.

George heard the sound of a doorbell in the background.

“Shit, I gotta go,” Clay said, laughing. George allowed himself to laugh back, even if he wasn’t fully joking. George could hear Clay move closer to his phone mic. “We’ll continue this later, Georgie,” Clay whispered, immediately hanging up afterwards.

  
George sat stunned, continuously replaying the conversation that had just taken place between the two, over and over.

______________________-----______________________

Clay was quite pleased with himself after him and George’s Discord call. Then, he remembered back to their call from the other day.   
  
George liked someone. And that “someone” wasn’t him.

In the call, however, George just seemed so  _ genuine. _

_ You know you’re worth more than that, Clay. _

Clay’s face flushed at the thought of it. He had to remind himself: George had never even seen past his jawbone before, and quite honestly, Clay really wanted to change that.

  
He didn’t  _ like _ George. He simply felt… close enough to show him who he was. Outside of his “green blob” self, of course.

He texted Snapchat, on messages rather than Discord. Snapchat was only for certain occasions.

_ clay: hi george _

George immediately started typing.

_ george: we stop calling for an hour and you text me through snapchat?? XD _

Clay laughed at himself… yeah, he had been talking to George a lot lately. He wasn’t ashamed of it, however.

_ clay: is that a problem? _

_ george: is it a problem for you? _

_ clay: i asked you first :/ _

_ george: well the answer is no. _

_ clay: the answer is no for me too _

Clay waited a second before texting George the next sentence.

_ clay: george, do you want to know what i look like? _

George was typing on and off for around a minute, leaving Clay especially anxious.

_ george: i want to know a lot, clay  _

“What?” Clay muttered to himself, unsure of what George meant.

_ clay: what? _

_ george: i don’t know... _

_ the answer is yes, by the way. _

_ i would love to see you _

Clay waited before responding, and George started typing again.

_ george: only if you want to, though. I want whatever you do, clay _

This answer, although rather confusing at the start, seemed to make Clay smile.

_ clay: thanks, george. u are literally the best _

_ george: :) <3 you’re a great friend, clay. _

“Friend,” Clay repeated to himself. It was almost as if it was a challenge. Would a friend do  _ this _ ?

Clay opened his camera, and pointed it at his face. He started recording. “Hi, George,” he said in the video. He rewatched it for what felt like an eternity.

He did, in fact, look pretty good, and he could admit that. His hair was a somehow-neat mess atop his head, and his freckles and cheekbones were distinct and sharp. He looked, sort of, handsome. Reluctantly, he hit send. After a few minutes, he began getting Snapchat notifications.

_ George replayed your snap. _

_ George screen recorded your snap. _

“Well, shit.” 

George began typing.

_ george: omg omg omg omg ah _

_ clay _

_ I know we just got off but i want to talk off of snapchat lmao... _

_ call?  _

Before Clay had time to respond, his phone was going off. Clay hesitantly answered.

“Clay,” George whispered into the phone. Clay gulped.

“Uh- uh, yeah?” Clay responded, choking on his words.

  
George giggled a little, his voice still soft. “Oh my god, Clay, you sound so nervous.”

  
Clay laughed a little, still obviously shaken. “Well, yeah. Showing your friend of like half a dozen years your face the first time is just a  _ tiny bit _ daunting,” he joked, but it was still the truth.

“Clay,” George started. His voice was still soft, but much more sincere. “You’re beautiful.”

  
Clay exhaled sharply, and his chest seemed to explode with feelings completely unfamiliar to him. “W-what?” He asked, trying to hide how shaky he felt from his voice.

“You are,” George said, giggling again. “Oh my god, you look like a literal Greek God. Why have you been hiding this pure perfection from me?” he asked in a joking manner.

“Oh, come on now, George.” Clay responded mockingly, however he couldn’t stop the fluttering sensation in his stomach. "By the way, I don't think I'm gonna take Austin's Love or Host offer. Seems kinda weird." he added. Even indirectly, he wanted to hint to George he ... _cared_ about him.

George sighed, and Clay wasn't sure why... was it _relief?_ "Ah, nice," he said. "Yeah, it is definitely weird. I know from personal experience."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before George finally spoke up.

“Well?” George asked.

“Well, what?” Clay inquired, unsure as to what George was implying.

  
“When are we going to FaceTime? Or video call? Or anything?” he asked, clearly joking, but Clay could tell his intent was serious.

“Hmmm,” Clay thought out loud, smiling. “Can I have a week to prepare? Then we can share our playlists you _called me for_ then.” He giggled at the end.

George laughed back. “A _week_? Come on, what do you even need to prepare? You’re literally like… perfect.” George joked, but Clay secretly wished that was how he felt.

“Perfect, huh?” Clay asked softly. When he said they would continue that conversation later, he was not kidding.

“Y-yeah,” George whispered back. “Perfect.” he dragged out the last syllable, making Clay bite his lip.

“I think you are pretty perfect too, George,” he whispered, and George, thankfully, giggled from the other side of the line.

“Oh, Clay. As you would say: you are something else,” George joked softly into the phone.

“As you would say,” Clay whispered, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for 100 hits aaaa pog! happy to see you all seem to be enjoying it lmao. as always, any criticism, comments, feedback, etc. is welcome!! have a great day


	6. ultimately I believe we'll be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George and Clay share their playlists they made for each other, Clay video calling George for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here are the links to the playlists!
> 
> << Link to Clay’s playlist for George: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgP6gTj079UvkGowBmfIQ4M >>
> 
> << Link to George’s playlist for Clay: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjhgfH5YnTNFlZMTEFjIG_0f >>

It had been a week. 

George and Clay had exchanged their usual friendly banter, but nothing compared to the strange encounter between the two the day Clay decided to reveal his face to his best friend.

  
George sat on his phone, contemplating texting Clay to explain that today was the supposed day he was supposed to. He realized that he probably should. Clay should know that George remembered.

_ georgie: ay clay _

_ ready to call :P _

George expected Clay to respond quickly, however George soon realized not the case. It took an entire 45 minutes of George aimlessly scrolling through his Twitter and Instagram feed before Clay responded.

_ greenboy: oh shit ahaha _

_ I guess if i have to lmao _

George winced. He didn’t want Clay to think he  _ had _ to. He wanted Clay to  _ want _ to.

_ georgie: if u dont want to u dont have to clay _

_ greenboy: nono i want to. _

_ :) _

George soon heard the sound of a FaceTime call coming through. Immediately, his body was flooded with feelings of anxiety.

_ Clay is FaceTiming You _

What. The. Fuck. 

Even a month ago, George would never have dreamed of Clay video calling him, let alone showing him his face to begin with. George picked up.

Immediately, his face flushed. Before his eyes stood Clay, even more beautiful than George had seen in the previous video that Clay sent him. This wasn’t prerecorded. This was Clay. He was right there. George gulped, and he could tell a light dusting of pink was starting to graze Clay’s cheeks. This made George grin.

“Hi.” Clay said softly. He seemed incredibly nervous, and rightfully so, George thought.

“You’re always so nervous, Clay. I’m not gonna judge you. Plus, there’s objectively not even anything I  _ can  _ judge.” George stated, hoping to gain some sort of reaction from Clay. He got just what he wanted.

Clay bit his lip, clearly trying to suppress whatever thoughts were buzzing around his complex mind. “George-” Clay whispered, his face turned away from the screen.

George thought back to the discussion he and Clay had only half-a-dozen days ago, when Clay said the same thing. Except, this time, Clay was right there in front of him, looking into his eyes from the light of his phone screen.

“Clay-” George replied, mimicking his tone and breathiness. 

Clay physically shook off whatever was brewing in his mind - George couldn’t tell what he was thinking about - and changed the topic. This somewhat disappointed George, but he reminded himself: Clay doesn’t like him the way he likes Clay. 

“I-” Clay stuttered. “I have the playlist… I made for you.” George blushed. He didn’t think Clay would actually make him one. “You might not like it but-”

“Oh, shut up, Clay. I’m sure I’ll like it.” George could see Clay smile a little from the screen. This, quite honestly, felt like a dream. George felt as if he would pinch himself and wake up 2 weeks prior, with no knowledge of who Clay is or what he looks like. But it was real, he reminded himself. _It is real._

“Do you want to, like, send the playlist links in chat? And we can listen to them on our own?” Clay inquired, clearly sounding anxious. This made George giggle a bit. He liked thinking he made Clay flustered, even if it was platonically.

“Sure. Do you want to call afterwords? To… um- share our thoughts?” George asked. He sounded pathetic, but he didn’t care at this point. 

“That sounds good, Georgie,” Clay said, his face right at the camera. Clay winked. George felt like he was going to pass out. George gulped once again, and he could feel his face growing redder.

  
Clay must’ve noticed. “Are you nervous, Georgie?” he teased, giggling a bit.

“No, are you?” George teased back.

“Yeah,” Clay responded, laughing.

“Me too, Clay.” George confessed, now laughing quite hard. He stared at the screen, watching Clay chuckle. He looked ethereal - hearing his laugh was nice enough, but watching him physically laugh felt incredibly intimate. 

“See you on the other side, Georgie.” Clay said, saluting. Clay then hung up, leaving George wide-eyed.

George opened the playlist. 

<< Link to Clay’s playlist for George:  [ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgP6gTj079UvkGowBmfIQ4M ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgP6gTj079UvkGowBmfIQ4M) >>

The name was “for george :)” - it was for him. Just for him.

He pressed play, and let the music seep into his brain. Immediately, he felt a sense of warmth rush in on him when the first song played: ultimately by Khai Dreams. He listened carefully to the lyrics, making sure not to miss a beat. 

_ And ultimately I believe we'll be okay _

_ It's so cliché to say these things, but repetition is a key _

_ I think I'm better when I'm with you _

_ But I worry when you're gone _

_ I think I need to learn to love myself _

_ I must learn to be strong _

George wanted to text Clay. He wanted to ask if this was how Clay felt - if he really worried when he and George weren’t together, if he thought they were better together. He didn’t, though. Because George liked Clay, not the other way around. 

When George had finished the playlist, a wave of emotions washed over him. Song after song, George felt some sort of connection with each and every one.

Clay had somehow encompassed exactly how George felt in a series of 11 songs. George hit play again, wanting to listen to it over and over.

______________________-----______________________ 

<< Link to George’s playlist for Clay:  [ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjhgfH5YnTNFlZMTEFjIG_0f ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjhgfH5YnTNFlZMTEFjIG_0f) >>

Clay hit play. The first song to come up was “Can I Call You Tonight?” by an artist called Dayglow. Clay hadn’t heard of it before, but reluctantly, he gave it a chance.

He soon felt the music run over his body, the melody dissolving into his skin. The lyrics felt close, as if it was George himself telling him these words. He tried to imagine the Brit singing this, leaving him to giggle. The more he listened, the more his cheeks blushed.

_ So can I call you tonight? _

_ I'm trying to make up my mind _

_ Just how I feel _

_ Could you tell me what's real? _

_ I hear your voice on the phone _

_ Now I'm no longer alone _

_ Just how I feel _

_ Could you tell me what's real anymore? _

_ 'Cause I wouldn't know _

Clay thought back to his previous discussions with George.

_ Do you wanna call?  _

Clay tried to imagine George next to him, listening along. He dreamed up a reality in which he and George were laying next to each other, each sharing wired earbuds and nodding together to the music. If only that were the case. 

Clay eventually finished listening to the music, and went over to his window. It was pitch black, but he wanted to think George was still awake. 

He dialed George’s phone number. He was too tired to video call, but he thought he could muster up the energy to talk to him. He just wanted to talk to him.

Immediately, George answered. “Clay?” he asked, 

“George,” Clay started, sincerely. “That was-”   
  


“Really good right?” George finished for him, giggling. “I put quite a lot of effort into it.”

Clay laughed back. “Did you like mine?”

“Like it? Clay, it was  _ amazing. _ I  _ loved _ it.” George seemed to choke on his words. “I- I really liked that one song. The ‘Ultimately’ one?” Clay felt himself grin. That was, at the moment, his favorite song. He waited for George to continue.

George started humming the song. Clay giggled a bit. He wished he could just see him, and look at him. Not on a screen, of course, but in real life.

“Oh, yeah?” Clay asked, still smirking. Clay began singing the song, purposefully badly. He was a pretty good singer when he tried, and he still sounded pretty good when he was trying to sound mediocre. 

_ Ultimately I don't understand a thing _

_ I try to do the best I can _

_ I know you try to do the same _

_ We're just so bound to make mistakes _

“Clay, you never told me you could sing.” George prodded, and Clay could hear he was clearly smiling.

“That wasn’t me  _ actually  _ singing, George,” Clay joked, even though George’s comment felt sincere.

“Can you  _ actually  _ sing something, then?” George asked, and Clay felt his face turn pink.

“Maybe when we eventually meet up, I’ll sing for you then.” Clay teased, grateful there was no camera that was picking and broadcasting up his blush-ridden cheeks. 

George seemed to gasp at this, but Clay couldn’t be sure. “Well, let’s meet up then!” George exclaimed, quite seriously.

“W-What?” Clay asked, taken aback by the proposal.

“Oh, come on, Clay. We’ve known each other for  _ years _ and have never met up. Why not do it soon?” George suggested.

  
Clay wasn’t ready. He could barely stand being on a video call with George without fainting. Being in person would be a completely different genre of difficult.

Even so, Clay couldn’t get himself to say no. He wanted to keep their friendship the same, but he wanted to see George even more, even if it was a little awkward. “Y-yes. Let’s do it.” He agreed, albeit hesitantly.

George cheered. Clay smiled knowing his response had made George happy. “I’m going to buy plane tickets, like, right now. What day works?” he asked enthusiastically.

Clay thought for a second. Anything in his schedule, he could clear. “Actually, pretty much any day. Whenever.”   
  
George hummed for a second, clearly deep and thought, and exhaled. “Does… like, next week work?” he asked, seriously.

Clay gasped. “Next week, as in, like 7 days from now?” he clarified nervously.

“Yeah, why not, right?” George asked, concerned, most likely due to Clay's nervous tone.

“Yeah, why not. Next week it is!” Clay tried to cheer, although he felt rather deflated.

George yawned into the phone. “Shit, Clay, it’s late. I’m going to head to bed now. Goodnight, Clay. Thanks for the playlist, by the way.”   
  
“Goodnight, Georgie.” Clay hung up.

  
He had a week.

  
One week to suppress his feelings.

One week to prepare for his best friend, of whom he wanted to be more than that with, coming to Florida.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for all the kudos and hits and everything like that!! hope u all enjoy :) im trying to make it less cliché but its pretty difficult ahaha... hoping to make the plot a bit more complex soon!!


	7. "just stop being such a simp"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As George plans for his trip to Florida to visit Clay, both find themselves in certain... uncomfortable situations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh ty all so much for 250 hits and 30 kudos aaa wtf - also just realized last chapter we hit 10k words, pog! hope u enjoy :)

__________________________________________________________________________

Three days.

  
Three days until he would see Clay. 

It was mid-December at this point, and George was visiting for around a month. This would mean he would have to stay with the man during Christmas and New Years, but he really didn’t mind. All he would be missing were the annual over-the-table fights and yelling that plagued Christmas dinner with his family, so he wasn’t very hesitant _at all_ to skip it.

He opened a text which was, as he expected, from Clay.

_ greenboy: did you pack yet? _

_ georgie: i just started :P _

_ greenboy: hurry up >:( _

George was typing out a response when Clay sent another message.

_ greenboy: uh also… is it ok if sapnap meets us for a bit too? he seemed super excited when i told him we were meeting up and i didnt want him to feel left out :/ _

_Wait… Clay told Sapnap they were meeting up?_ In hindsight, obviously, Sapnap would’ve found out. Even so, George felt his heart drop. He wanted to be with  _ Clay _ , and Clay only . Obviously, Sapnap was one of his best friends, but with Clay, things were just… different.

______________________-----______________________

_ *a couple hours earlier* _

Clay opened his phone to see a Discord notification from arguably his  _ best  _ friend, Nick.

_ sap: hey, can we talk? _

Sapnap didn't usually sound this … _serious_. Reluctantly, Clay responded.

_ greenboy: yeah sure _

Sapnap started typing for what seemed like ages. Clay swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed from how nervous he was. He hadn’t done anything wrong, yet he still felt a wave of anxiety rush over him.

_ sap: dude, we haven’t talked in what feels like ages _

_ whats up clay _

Clay didn’t want to lie to Nick. That went against almost all of his morals. Even so, he couldn’t just  _ confess _ to Nick that he couldn’t get some dumbass British boy out of his head.

_ greenboy: nothing’s up dude _

_ Ive just been really busy, thats all _

_ sap: cut the bullshit clay _

Clay gulped. Of course Nick would call him out. They had been friends for years - he would obviously know when he’s lying.

_ sap: im not an idiot clay lmao _

_ i think i know why youve been so distant lately, but i dont want to assume anything. _

_ so please dude, just tell me. i promise it wont change anything about our friendship dude _

Clay exhaled dramatically. He had to tell Nick - at least if Nick knew, he could talk him out of his delusions and get Clay to get over his friend.

_ greenboy: fine whatever ill tell u _

_ u just have to promise youre not going to like... idk stop being friends with me or something _

_ sap: dude i would never _

_ Promise _

Clay sighed. He had to tell him. He  _ had  _ to.

_ greenboy: i think _

_ i think i kiinda like george _

He waited for a second before continuing.

_ greenboy: like as in _

_ in more than a friend way _

Nick started typing. And then stopped. And then started again.

_ sap: oh thank god i expected it to be waaaay worse  _

_ but yeah i think we all knew that LMAo _

Clay chuckled to himself. At least Nick was being chill about it.

_ greenboy: idk man this is pretty bad _

_ also... what!?? am i that obvious omfg _

_ sap: why is it bad tho? like it isnt difficult to tell yall like each other lmao _

_ also yeah,, on discord i can see you guys literally calling each other for hours each night ahaha _

_ Oh shit.  _ Clay forgot people could see that … he giggled to himself. He was clearly doing a _great_ job hiding how he felt.

_ greenboy: dude i wish but he definitely doesnt like me _

_ he literally told me the other day he likes someone _

_ sap: oh shit _

_ did he say who? _

_ greenboy: nah _

_ sap: then theoretically _

_ couldnt that person be u _

Clay gulped. He hadn’t even entertained the idea that George could've possibly been talking about him.

_ greenboy: i doubt it _

While Clay was coming clean, he might as well tell Nick about their meetup.

_ greenboy: he is flying here in a few days tho _

_ sap: WHATT THE FUCK CLAY _

_ GEORGE IS FLYING TO FLORIDA IN HALF A WEEK AND YOU DIDNT BOTHER TELLING ME?!!???? _ _   
  
_

Clay starting wheezing as he read Nick’s message.

_ greenboy: to be fair _

_ we only planned this like 4 days ago _

_ sap: how are you gonna handle this dude LMAO _

_ you’re going to be all muah muah georgie i love you gogy marry me gogy _

Clay scoffed. Nick loved to make jokes, even at his expense. But quite honestly, Clay was happy Nick was making light of this situation. He needed some humor to distract him.

_ greenboy: shut up omfg _

_ im so nervous _

Clay thought of an idea.

_ greenboy: wait _

_ do u think you could like….. _

_ come too? _

_ i need someone to keep me in check LMAO _

_ sap: and ruin your romantic honeymoon? Never _

_ greenboy: please dude _

_ im going to kms if i have to be alone with him for a month _

_ sap: fine _

_ i guess ill have to be your wingman then B) _

_ greenboy: oh god _

_ But fr thanks dude _

_ sap: of course _

Clay waited for Nick to stop typing before he responded.

_ sap: just stop being such a simp  _

Clay rolled his eyes. God, this was going to be a long-ass month.

______________________-----______________________

_ *back to present time lol* _

George stared at his suitcase, proud of himself for finishing his packing so swiftly. It was completely full. He suddenly felt his body tire with exhaustion, so he begrudgingly dragged himself into his unkempt bed. He let his eyes grow heavy as he drifted into sleep.

***

_ He woke up sitting in an airport.  _

_ George rubbed his eyes, expecting to be exhausted. He, however, felt his heart pump aggressively with excited nervousness. _

_ He slowly took in his surroundings. Hoards of people each speed walking to their respective gates. Something drew George’s eyes to the ‘Exit’ sign, and he felt his body walk to it. It felt as if he was in a trance, as if someone else was controlling his physical body. His mind felt cloudy, as if something was pumping fog into his brain. _

_ “George.” he heard a familiar voice say, and he turned around. Next to the exit was the baggage claim, and standing in front of it was an obscenely tall man with a while mask covering his eyes and nose. His mouth and jawline, however, was exposed.  _

_ George felt his face flush. With his, of whom he could tell was Clay’s, words, he finally snapped out of his cloudy trance and felt in control of his body.  _

_ “Clay?” George asked, walking towards him.  _

_ Clay nodded and closed the space between them. He placed himself only a few inches in front of George, but due to George’s height, George found himself having to look up in order to meet the gaze of Clay’s mask. _

_ George watched as the mouth not covered by Clay’s mask turned into a smirk. George felt himself instinctively bite his lip. Clay moved to whisper in George’s ear, causing George’s entire body to shiver. “Welcome, Georgie,” he said softly, his lips almost touching George’s ear.  _

_ George stared up at Clay’s mask. He, almost unable to stop himself, slowly pulled off Clay's mask. Clay seemed unfazed, his piercing green-hazel (which, due to George's colour blindness, appeared a dark yellow) eyes now staring at George. His gaze moved down, staring at George’s lips. _

_   
_ _ Clay began leaning in, George doing the same, and their lips lightly brushed each other. Clay pulled back, laughing. He moved to whisper in George’s ear. _

_ “You fucking idiot.” he whispered, his hushed voice replaced by a wicked tone  _

_ George felt his heart drop and his eyes unfocus as his vision slowly turned to black. _

_ *** _

George gasped for air, shivering and sweating at the same time. He anxiously looked left to right, realizing he was in the safety of his bedroom.

He recounted what had happened in his dream. It was only a  _ dream. _

This was going to be some fucking month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed,, as always, any comments/compliments/criticism/feedback is appreciated :))


	8. If anything happens, I’m blaming you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George arrives to meet up with Clay and Nick, and things quickly escalate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little bit of a longer one compared to the last few!! hope u enjoy :))

George was on the plane.

He was on his way to see Clay. In real life.

He was going to see the man he had, just so recently, caught feelings for. His dark golden hair, his dark yellow eyes, his perfect freckles, his pointed nose. He was going to  _ experience  _ him.

George thought back to his dream from only a few nights before.

_ “You fucking idiot.”  _

George felt his entire body twitch as he grimaced, the flight attendant walking by taking notice of his discomfort. She was objectively pretty, with blonde hair and dramatic makeup. Regardless of George’s feelings for Clay, he could acknowledge the woman's beauty.

“Can I help you, sir? Are you alright?” she asked, a thick Southern accent plaguing her sentence. George simply nodded in response, and the flight attendant continued walking past him.

George, realizing he still had hours to go on his flight, tried to go to sleep. With no avail, unable to rest, he put on his headphones and pressed play on Clay’s playlist for him. He hadn’t let himself listen to it since he and Clay first discussed it. It felt special, and he didn’t want to water down the importance of each of the songs by overplaying it.

The first song that came up when he shuffled it was “Fool,” by Cavetown.

George rolled his eyes at this, slightly scoffing. No wonder why George had become so infatuated with Clay. Half of the songs on the playlist were literal love songs. George let the lyrics sweep over him. 

_ I am just a fool to keep on chasing after nothing great _

_ You are just a fool to keep pretending that you're loving me _

_ I don't know where I'm supposed to go _

This seemed to be exactly how George felt. He was pining over a man who would only ever think of him as a friend, but who still acted just flirtatious enough to give him hope. He had no plans, no strategy, to express his feelings to the other, and yet still found himself falling head over heels for him.

George noticed a tear falling onto the shirt he was wearing. He hadn’t even noticed he was crying.

_ Shit. _

He wiped off any traces of how pathetic he felt and continued listening to the music before slipping into a dreamless sleep.

___________________

A loud bump woke him up.

They had just landed. 

George felt his heartbeat begin to increase. In only a few short minutes, he would see Clay face to face. And, Nick as well, for that matter. His hands began to grow clammy, his stress levels through the roof.

_ It is going to be okay,  _ he reminded himself,  _ it’s only Clay _ . This realization, although still very visibly anxious, made George smile a bit. As nervous as he was, he was going to see his friend of almost a decade, and not even his feelings for him could keep George from grinning.

He hopped off of the plane and followed the signs to baggage claim. As he was waiting for his bag to come on the conveyor-belt like loop, he opened his phone to text the boys.

_ georgie: im at baggage claim _

Quickly, the other two responded.

_ greenboy: shit we’re almost there AH _

_ this dumbass made me wait 15 minutes for him to grab a sandwich at subway before we drove to the airport _

_ sap: fuck off. It was worth it. George can wait. _

George giggled at this. After all, they were so clearly best friends. Nothing would change this. Well,  _ almost nothing. _

George decided the only thing he could do was scroll aimlessly through his Twitter feed. Neither George nor Clay had announced anything about their meetup, and so far, no one had suspected anything. Then again, they had a month to lose their cover.

George heard a familiar voice and immediately perked up. “George!” he heard, and turned around, there standing Nick. He ran over to him as Nick engulfed him in a hug.

“Sapnap!” George exclaimed, grinning. He looked around for a second before realizing someone was missing. “Wh-where’s Clay?” he tried to ask nonchalantly, but ended up sounding rather concerned.

Nick started chuckling as he playfully punched George’s arm. “Why, are you in love with him or something?” he started laughing even harder.

George rolled his eyes and tried to keep his face from blushing.  _ Of course Nick would pull something like this _ . “No, I was just wondering.” he retorted sternly.

“Relax, relax, I was just kidding, Georgie,” Nick explained, jokingly ruffling George’s hair.

  
“Oh my god, you are so annoying,” George joked, between laughs. “Don’t do that with my hair, by the way. Also, don’t call me ‘Georgie’ either.” 

Nick rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he seemed to remember a thought. “Also, about what you asked earlier, Clay is just parking. He sent me in here first so you weren’t waiting alone, or something like that.”

George blushed. As annoying as Clay could be, he was nothing if not thoughtful. George turned to face away from Nick so he wouldn’t notice.

Nick broke the uncomfortable silence between the two. “You can call me Nick, by the way. You don’t have to call me Sapnap in person.” he said, laughing a little.

“Good to know,” George responded, quickly feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over him. He began to yawn as he quickly perked up at a certain sound.

“George!” Clay yelled, George turning and running towards him. Clay hugged George tightly, placing one hand on his back and the other behind his neck. They stood there for almost 30 seconds before Clay eventually pulled away. In his mind, however, George wished they were there for longer. 

“Oh my God, break it up you too,” Nick teased, fake gagging.

“Shut up, Nick,” Clay joked, giggling a bit. At hearing Clay’s laugh, George felt his face turn red. He began to observe Clay. From the few interactions he had with Clay, he had found him beautiful, but seeing him in person was completely different.

He had a certain warmth to him, drawing George in. His hair was perfectly messy, as if he put no effort into it but still somehow looked flawless. His freckles looked deliberate, as if they were individually placed stars on the galaxy that was Clay’s face. His mouth was crooked, but in an adorable way. It gave him character. George felt himself wanting to examine Clay’s face more, until he was quickly broken from his trance.

“Hey, you okay?” Clay asked George, with a rather concerned tone in his voice. 

“W-what?” George responded, trying to look as confused as possible.

“You were staring a bit,” Clay whispered a little, laughing softly.    
  
George rolled his eyes. “I was not,” he retorted, crossing his arms dramatically.

“You were, actually. But it's okay, I guess it would be hard not to.” Clay boasted, winking.

George’s face flushed once again. He really was beautiful. It  _ was _ , as he had found out, hard not to stare.

“Oh, shit dude, are you warm or something?” Clay asked, a concerned look in his eye.

“Uh I guess, why?” George responded, rather nonchalantly.

  
“Your face is bright red - like  _ really _ red, oh my God,” Clay started, pulling George by the wrist. “Let’s get you water.” 

George didn’t bother protesting - how would he even begin to explain that he wasn’t red because he was hot, but rather that he was infatuated by Clay? He allowed himself to be dragged by Clay as they finally arrived at a vending machine. Clay put in a couple dollars and got a water bottle. 

“Close your eyes and lean over,” Clay instructed, George following his directions without a word.

Clay poured water onto George’s face, George quickly flinching from the cold. Even if he wasn’t necessarily red from the heat, the cold was refreshing.

Clay laughed. “Sorry about that,” and George just shrugged in response, trying to wipe the water off his face with his arm.

“I got it, don’t worry,” Clay said, clearly realizing George was having difficulty drying his face off. Clay took his hoodie sleeve and delicately dabbed it over George’s face. “Ok, cool,” Clay said, smiling after he was done.

George, in this moment, took in what was going on. He was face to face with his friend who he had known for years. They were together -  _ in person _ .

George made eye contact with Clay, who was eagerly smiling. George stared at him before earnestly throwing himself at Clay for another hug.

  
Clay stood there for a second, eyes wide, before hugging him tightly back. George let his head rest on the other’s shoulder for a second.

“Hey George…” Clay whispered, giggling. “What’s this for?”

“Just ‘cuz.” George responded, smiling as his voice was a bit muffled from his face being buried in Clay's shoulder.

  
They stood there for a while, still hugging, while Nick interrupted them.

“Hey, hey, there you guys are,” he said, out of breath, most likely from running. Clay quickly broke away from the hug, turning away from George.

“I have been looking for you guys for like 10 minutes, and I walk up to you like making out or something,” Nick said, regaining his breath but still laughing. 

“Oh, shut up, Nick,” Clay said, and George noticed a slight blush on his cheeks. This made his heart flutter - he didn’t think it was his doing, but he still couldn’t help but feel pride considering he could have possibly made Clay blush.

______________________-----______________________

_ Nick was being a total dick. _

They walked to the car in the parking lot and George sat in the back while Clay took the driver’s seat and Nick the passenger’s. Clay noticed George putting his headphones on, as he began to fall asleep. Clay took this as his cue to talk to Nick.

“What the fuck dude,” Clay whispered, careful not to accidentally wake George up.

“What do you mean?” Nick responded, laughing quietly.

“You are the most obvious wingman ever. Please, God, stop,” Clay retorted quietly, scowling at him.

Nick started laughing fairly loudly, and Clay looked at the back seat. George had woken up.

“What?” George asked, rubbing his eyes groggily.

“Oh, nothing,” Nick responded sing-songy back, chuckling a bit as Clay rolled his eyes.

___________________

They pulled up to Clay’s house after around an hour of driving, and Clay noticed George was asleep in the backseat once again. Nick had arrived a day earlier, driving from Texas - he had already unpacked, so he headed straight into the house.

Clay opened the door to the backseat and studied his sleeping friend. He looked so beautiful. Even asleep, he looked perfect. His sharp jawline and symmetrical face stuck out without any effort needed. God, Clay liked him.

“Hey, George,” Clay whispered. George’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and Clay ruffled his hair a bit teasingly. “We’re here.”

As Clay helped bring George’s bags into the house, he let himself replay the events that had taken place in the airport. George staring into his eyes, and then hugging him for what seemed like an insane amount of time. He shook his head, snapping out of his memories, and finished bringing the bags in. 

When all three boys were inside, standing in Clay’s living room, Clay spoke up. “Okay, so I have two bedrooms and a couch. Nick already took the guest room, so George, you can use mine.”

George put his finger up to protest. “I’ll take the couch- it’s your house, Clay.”

“Exactly,” Clay said, shrugging. “You’re my guest, George. You can take my bed.” 

George rolled his eyes. “I am not letting you sleep on a couch for a straight month.” 

  
Clay did the same. “George, I won’t let you do it either.”

Nick decided to intrude. “Just share Clay’s room, or something. The bed is pretty big. Just use pillows as dividers… I guess.” 

Both Clay and George seemed to lightly blush at that suggestion, neither of them speaking. “I-” Clay started.

“Ok, no objections. Great.” Nick exclaimed, smirking. 

“Well, alright then.” George said, somewhat contently. Clay looked at him, and realized he didn’t seem super phased by this. _ Thank God. _

George turned to walk away, and when Clay was sure George was out of sight, he mouthed ‘ _ I hate you’ _ to Sapnap.

Sapnap winked and shrugged pridefully in response.

______________________-----______________________

George sat nervously fidgeting on the bed. He felt he had done a fairly good job masking how he felt so far - minus the whole blush situation at the airport - but sharing a  _ bed _ with Clay was its own battle.

Nick knocked at the door, entering before George could say he could come in.

“Ayo, dude, you good?” Nick asked, clearly worried due to how anxious George looked.

George prepared a bullshit excuse to use. “Yeah, I just-”

“Like Clay?” Nick finished, his face wearing an unreadable expression to George.

“Wha-what?” George asked, stuttering. His face flushed. _Why did Nick even think of something like this?_

“You like Clay. Right?” Nick asked, much too nonchalantly compared to the weight of his words.

“No, I-” George started, unable to come up with a response.

“George, you know you can talk to me, right?” Nick asked, his tone swiftly becoming much more earnest.

George sighed.  _ How the fuck did Nick know?  _ He groaned.

“Ugh, whatever,” George said, collapsing onto the bed in pure embarrassment.

“Dude, no need to be embarrassed,” Nick started, George rolling his eyes in response. “Plus, if it means anything, I think he likes you too.” George perked up a bit.

“What?” George asked, finally interested in what Nick was saying. 

“I mean, yeah.” George’s eyes widened.  _ I mean, yeah.  _ What did he mean, yeah? George looked back to Nick to respond, but he had left the room already.

What the fuck.

In the span of 5 minutes, he had accidentally (somewhat) confessed his feelings for Clay to Nick.

_ Well, shit. _

______________________-----______________________ 

“I think we should celebrate,” Nick proposed.

“Celebrate what, exactly?” George asked, his voice taking a fairly cautious tone.

Clay stared at Nick, beginning to feel worried. Nick had no idea how to be subtle, so Clay was praying Nick’s next words had nothing to do with how Clay… _felt_.

“Me and George being here, of course!” Nick cheered, leaving Clay to sigh with relief.

“What exactly are we celebrating with, Nick?” Clay asked, grinning.

Nick glanced over to one of Clay’s cabinets, in which was vodka and shot glasses.  _ Of course.  _

Clay rolled his eyes, scoffing. “No way-”

“Why not, Clay?” George asked, and Clay responded by raising his eyebrow at him.

“George, do not enable him-” Clay joked, and Nick playfully punched him.

“Looks like we’re all in agreement! Let’s get a round of shots, please.” Nick asserted, already walking to Clay’s cabinet, and pulling out the drinks.

“Jesus Christ.” Clay said, shaking his head in defeat, but still laughing.

  
He looked over and caught George’s eye contact. “If anything happens, I’m blaming you,” Clay said, pointing at him.

___________________

A couple hours later, George was completely out of it.

  
Neither Clay nor Nick were drunk, but George clearly was.

“You’re such a fucking lightweight, George,” Nick joked, and George rolled his eyes.

“Pssshhhh,” George started, “I’m not even drunk.” His words were so, so slurred.

Clay laughed a little.

“Alright, alright party boy. Let’s get you to sleep.” 

Nick as well as Clay and George returned to their respective rooms.

George sat on Clay’s bed, eagerly shifting around on it.

Clay tossed him and a pair of sweatpants, completely forgetting he’d need a t-shirt as well. George stumbled into the bathroom connected to his room to get changed.

Clay waited for him to finish and watched as the door opened, his eyes widening. George wasn’t wearing a shirt.  _ Shit. _ He didn't get a good glance at his figure - he didn't want to watch him and seem creepy - but he could tell he was attractive. George walked clumsily into the bed, and Clay began putting pillows next to him to create a divider.

“No-” George said, quietly, already wrapped up in the covers. 

“No?” Clay asked in response.

“I don’t want the divider, Clay,” he said, his eyes shut.

  
“Are- are you sure?” Clay clarified, and George nodded in response. Already in his pajamas, he cautiously laid next to George, pulling up the covers for himself as well.

Clay gulped as George moved his arm to sit on top of Clay’s shoulder. They were now laying facing towards each other, and George opened his eyes.

Clay took notice of how close they were - if he moved only a couple inches forward, their faces would touch. He tried to brush that thought away.

  
Clay watched as George stared at Clay’s lips.  _ Shit _ . George leaned in closer to Clay, and eventually looked up. Their eyes met, and George leaned forward, making their lips touch. Hesitantly, Clay kissed back, but stopped himself after a few quick seconds. His friend didn’t mean this, he was just out of it.

“George, as much as I’d love to,” he said, smiling, “you’re drunk. You don’t actually want to do this.”   
  
George rolled his eyes, “I do.” His words were still slurred.

Clay closed his eyes and turned away from George, slowly drifting to sleep until he felt George rest his head on his shoulder and wrap his arm around him.

_ This was going to be a long month. _

Clay considered moving, but stopped himself. He would let himself enjoy this, knowing sober-George would never do something like this. He would savor it while it lasted.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, yes, the stereotypical "only one bed" trope. hehehe


	9. do you ever wish you were someone else?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> george and clay's relationship continues to grow more complex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure this is my longest chapter :) kinda proud of it considering im new to this whole thing ahhaha
> 
> i included this authors note into the text, but thought i would add it here too! 
> 
> \ When you get to the point in the story where this note comes up, I included a playlist that fits it very well!! :) i suggest playing it in the background as you read :) https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgOcklqRSo465f-ZFMAJjfF /
> 
> the moon segment is heavily inspired by khai dreams’ blue world!! 
> 
> also - decided I would do one chapter completely in George’s POV! Next chapter is going to be all Clay to balance this out :)

______________________-----______________________

George woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside of the window near him. He quickly took in his predicament.

His head was pressed up upon Clay’s chest, and Clay’s head was resting upon his. Clays and his arms were intertwined, fingers loosely touching each other.

George gulped, trying to force himself to remember the events that had taken place the night before.

  
His eyes widened as he realized what he had done.  _ Shit shit shit shit _ . George had kissed Clay. He couldn’t remember what Clay’s response was, but judging by the fact he had no recollection of it, George assumed it was less-than-reciprocative. 

  
He felt his stomach rumble, begging for food, but he refused to move. He would savor where he was at that moment, even if it was the last time he would be in a situation like that.

Almost instantaneously, the door swung open.

“Good morning fuckers-” Nick exclaimed, eyes growing wide, a large grin forming on his face.

Clay began to toss, and George realized he was waking up. George watched as Clay took in where he was. Clay slowly sat up and removed himself from George’s grip. George did the same.

“Morning,” Clay said cheerily, walking past Nick without even a nod.   
  
Nick mouthed to George.  _ What the fuck? _ George widened his eyes and shrugged in response, trying to express that ‘he had no idea either’. At least he had Nick to - somewhat - help him with Clay.

Clay was sitting at his table, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. George walked up and joined him, followed shortly by Nick who did the same.

“What was that?” Nick asked, giggling. 

George looked to Clay for a response, but Clay seemed unfazed. “What was what?” he asked in response, nonchalantly.

Nick rolled his eyes, probably knowing he would get nowhere with Clay knowing how stubborn he was. George caught Clay’s eye contact, and George smirked jokingly at him. Clay winked in response, leaving George to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Are you gonna eat that, Georgie?” Clay asked, pointing to his uneaten cereal, clearly trying to hint that he wanted it.

“Yes, actually, I am,” he responded, teasingly. He smirked at Clay calling him ‘Georgie.’ He took a bite of his cereal, trying to make it look like he was savoring every bite to annoy him.

“Woah, woah, woah, George. You’re going to let him call you Georgie after you yelled at me for doing it yesterday?” Nick asked, acting ‘fake-hurt’. George rolled his eyes, but before he could respond, Clay budded in.

“Guess he just likes me better, Nick,” Clay joked, smirking. “What are you gonna do, cry about it?” 

Nick rolled his eyes. “God, George, you are such a simp.” 

George, although rather pleased with the way the conversation turned, jokingly slapped Nick on the wrist. 

Clay spoke up, George assuming he wanted to fill the silence between the boys. “Ok, ok. We need to decide on what we want to do today. Any preferences?”

Nick seemed thrilled by this question. “We need to see a movie!” he responded enthusiastically.

Both other boys looked confused. “Why a movie? You both traveled hours just to sit in a movie theater?” Clay asked, and George felt himself giggle a bit at this. He was wondering the same thing.

“Oh, come  _ on _ Clay. It’ll be fun - we could watch a horror movie! A fun bonding experience!” Nick suggested, elbowing George eagerly.

George looked at Clay for a response, and from what he could tell, Clay looked at him for the same reason. George decided to speak up. “I’m in if Clay’s in.”   
  
Nick stared at Clay. “C’mon, Clay. You know you want to!”    
  
George watched as Clay rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Fine. Nothing too scary, though.”

Nick victoriously danced around for a bit as George and Clay gathered their things to head to the movie theater. 

  
The three boys hopped in the car, George once again being banished to the backseat as he watched Clay and Nick head to the front. 

Only a short while later, they pulled up to a movie theater. It looked very commercial; it was surrounded by a strip mall and various drive-through fast food joints. They parked and walked into the theater. Immediately, George was overwhelmed by just how many options there were for films. There was a wall of all of the movies currently being shown, which highlighted what to George could’ve been dozens. It was insane.

George noticed a movie out of the corner of his eye under the “Coming Soon” section. It was a Wes Anderson film - one of his favourite directors - titled “The French Dispatch.” He gave the poster a one-over as Clay walked up behind him, him not noticing.

“Wes Anderson, huh?” Clay asked teasingly, George jumping at his voice.

“Oh my God, Clay, you can not sneak up behind me like that.” he responded, and Clay chuckled back.

  
“Whatever, dude. I will say, though, Wes Anderson is one of my favourite directors, so you may easily be scared, but at least you have good taste in movies.”

George perked up at this. “No way. He’s one of mine too.”

Clay rolled his eyes. “Sure,” he responded, “or are you just saying that to impress me?”   
  
George blushed a little but rolled his eyes to hide this fact. “Trust me, I definitely do not want to impress  _ you _ ,” he teased.

  
Clay dramatically gasped. “Ouch, George. Way to reject me like that.”

George elbowed him jokingly in the rib, but secretly wished Clay actually felt that way - that he cared about George enough to not want him to reject him.  _ If only. _

George turned away as Nick walked up to the two. “How the fuck do I always lose you guys, Jesus.”

__________

The boys walked into their designated theater, Nick and George sitting on Clay’s respective sides. George agreed that Clay in the middle simply made sense - they were in was his state, after all, so he deserved the best seat.

The movie started playing - it was some boringly-named, stereotypical horror film, with typical jump scares and fast-paced killing. The usual. George didn’t find anything out of the ordinary about the movie so far; it was fine, but he was focused more on the boy to his left.

Every so often, George would find himself glancing at Clay. His face looked beautiful, illuminated only by the soft light emitted from the movie screen. His hands were dangerously close to George’s body, them resting on top of the arm rest between the two. Every so often, a joke would come up in the movie, and Clay would giggle a bit, causing his eyes to crinkle and his mouth to exhibit a lopsided toothy smile.

God, _George was infatuated with him._

George continued to stare at him until Clay glanced over at George, meeting eye contact with him again. They sat looking at each other for almost fifteen seconds until Clay leaned over to him and whispered, “You’re staring again.”   
  
George giggled a bit, still looking into his eyes. “So are you,” he teased, raising an eyebrow. Clay rolled his eyes jokingly and returned to look back at the movie screen. 

Nick whispered something unintelligible to Clay and walked out of the theater.

George felt himself grow curious. “What was that?” he asked.

“He said he has to piss,” Clay responded, laughing lightly.

The boys went back to paying attention to the movie. George found the movie growing more and more frightening. Each scene seemed to get increasingly eerie.

Eventually, a large jump scare led George to jump in shock, grabbing Clay’s hand instinctively.

Clay looked up at him. “You okay?” he asked, and George could not decipher what the tone in his voice was.

“Y-yeah. Sorry, it was an accident,” George responded, quickly letting go of Clay’s hand embarrassedly. 

  
George sank into his movie chair. The world seemed to go silent as he felt a hand grab his own. He looked to his left and saw Clay had intertwined his fingers with George's. They sat like this for a couple minutes - which to George, felt like a lifetime - until Clay dropped George’s hand at the sight of Nick returning into the theater. From that point on until the end of the movie, each time George glanced at Clay, he wasn’t looking back.

___________________

The boys prepared for sleep - Clay had created a pillow divider between them this time, much to George’s dismay (although he didn’t say this out loud). George and Clay barely said a word to each other before going to sleep. George didn’t understand why the energy between the two had suddenly grown so…  _ awkward _ . If Nick noticed any strangeness between the two boys, he didn’t mention it.

___________________

When George woke up, it was still dark outside. He looked to his side - Clay was gone from the bed they were sharing. George, feeling somewhat concerned, quickly glanced around the room. Clay wasn’t in it. George briskly shot up and headed into the main area of Clay’s abode. 

He scoured the living room, kitchen, and bathrooms, and yet Clay wasn’t present in any of them. He checked his phone - 4:23 AM. He knew Clay must’ve left, but  _ where _ ?

George glanced to his right, realizing Clay’s main door was slightly ajar. He quickly jogged to it, looking left to right on the porch. There, he saw Clay, lying asleep in the damp Florida grass.

George ran over to where he was lying. “Clay, are you okay?” he whispered, just loud enough to be able to wake him.

  
Clay shot up, inhaling dramatically and fearfully. 

  
George jumped back instinctively, observing Clay for a second. Clay began taking shallow breaths, seemingly unaware of his surroundings.   
  
George ran up closer to him, wanting to help him but not knowing what to do.  _ Why was Clay asleep in the grass? And why did he seem so scared? _

Clay began shaking, somewhat anxiously. George heard Clay mutter “What the fuck?” quietly to himself. George quickly joined him in the grass to console him, unsure how exactly to do so. Before he could decide, Clay threw himself at George in a hug. 

George was a bit taken aback but let Clay hug him nonetheless. Clay rested his head on top of George’s chest as George rested his on Clay’s head. He tried to hold him as tightly as possible, feeling how aggressively Clay was shaking.

_ What the hell was going on? _

George began to lightly rub Clay’s back as he felt a wet droplet on his chest. Clay was crying. George felt himself grow soft, trying to think of what could possibly hurt someone as perfect as Clay. Could it have been him?  _ Was he crying over him? _

George was still unsure of what was going on. Clay was weeping softly into George’s chest for what was seemingly no reason, however George was eager to help him as much as he could.

“What’s going on, Clay?” George whispered softly, pulling away slightly from Clay so he could look him in the eyes. They were still both sitting in the grass.

“I don’t know,” he responded, before collapsing back into George’s chest.

_ What. the. Fuck. _

___________________

George found himself waking up in the grass, Clay still leaning on him. They must’ve fallen asleep while George was comforting him. 

George lightly shook Clay to wake him. He was still so confused as to what had taken place to leave Clay so vulnerable and frightened. Clay’s eyes fluttered open, looking scared at first. His gazed calmed after noticing George was there.

George began to speak up, “Clay, what happened-”

“Later, George. Please,” Clay responded, patting George’s shoulder as they both struggled to compose themselves and get up from the grass. George nodded in response.

They opened the door into the house to find Nick sitting in a chair. “There you guys are,” he started, giggling to himself. “Woah, woah, woah - what were you guys doing outside?” he asked, smirking.

George glanced at Clay, waiting for him to respond with a witty remark. Instead, his gaze seemed cold as he was facing Nick. “Shut up, Nick,” he said rather harshly.

“Sorry, sorry, guess I struck a nerve,” Nick said, putting his hands up in surrender. 

George stood in silence as he watched Clay go into his bathroom, and listened as the shower water turned on. He felt dazed.

Nick walked over to George once he knew Clay was out of earshot. “Dude, what happened outside?” he asked concernedly.

George widened his eyes, trying to signify he wasn’t sure either. “I genuinely don’t know,” he started. “I walked outside this morning and saw him asleep on the grass, so I tried to wake him up. When he woke up, he started literally sobbing.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Clay…  _ crying _ ?” He giggled to himself a bit. “Dude, I’m sorry, but you must've been tripping or some shit. Clay is literally renowned for  _ never  _ crying.”

George was rather confused by this. “Wha- what do you mean?”

Nick rolled his eyes and scoffed jokingly. “Dude, I’ve known him for years, and he  _ never _ cries. Even his ‘irl’ friends say he never cries. You must’ve just been seeing shit.”

George shook his head. “No, I swear-”

“Whatever, dude!” Nick called back, smiling a bit to himself.

_ What?  _ Clay was  _ definitely  _ crying, no doubt about it. More than crying, actually. Sobbing was probably the right word. 

Then again, maybe he was wrong. Maybe Clay wasn’t crying.    
  
George seemed to distance himself from his thoughts when he realized music was playing from the bathroom. None other than “Chanel” by Frank Ocean was playing, one of the songs George had put on Clay’s playlist. He smirked a bit to himself.

He decided to walk into the room he and Clay were sharing (the one that the bathroom Clay was showering in was connected to, mind you). George decided it was probably best he changed out of the clothes he had been laying in the grass in. He walked over to the dresser he was borrowing and pulled out a blue collared short-sleeve button down and khaki shorts. It was a bit basic of an outfit, but nice nonetheless.

Time seemed to pause as he heard the bathroom door open. He glanced at it instinctively, watching as Clay walked out with nothing but a towel on. George quickly looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Clay giggled a bit, apparently noticing George’s behavior. “Hey, George,” Clay whispered, walking up right next to George, standing to his left. George refused to turn to look at him, so he continued to stare blankly at the dresser directly in front of him. “You were staring again,” Clay whispered into George’s ear, so close it almost made George shiver. Clay walked away directly after this, laughing to himself.

George tried to compose himself as he thought back to the man opening the door.  _ God, he was ripped _ . Just as George told Clay his face resembled a statue of a Greek God, his physique did the same. He was fit, but not so muscular that he looked intimidating or overbearing. He looked, to George’s dismay, exactly how George expected him to look: perfect.

___________________

The boys had decided that today would be best spent at Clay’s house - after all, George noticed that Clay seemed a bit shaken after the last night. 

They each did their own little mundane tasks, streaming individually for some odd hours, eating, and more of the like. Eventually, night crept up upon them, rather quickly. Nick told George some excuse suggesting he was going out for a couple hours - George really wasn’t paying him much attention - and George eventually slumped down into the comfort of the couch in Clay’s living room.

George watched as Clay walked up to him. “Follow me,” he instructed, giving George no further details. George did as he said, not bothering to ask why. He would have done it regardless. Clay led him to a window that opened up just high enough that someone could go through it and pull themselves up onto the roof.

Clay climbed up easily, George watching as he effortlessly got onto the roof. George grabbed Clay’s arms to pull him up when he looked down below the window. They were at least 30 feet above the ground. Clay seemed to sense his nervousness.

“Oh, calm down George. I’m not gonna let you fall.” George rolled his eyes but still let Clay hoist him onto the roof. The boys were now sitting on the cold paved roof, George shivering a bit.

George watched as Clay glanced at him, clearly noticing how cold he was. Clay began taking off his sweatshirt. Without a word, he handed it to George. “Smooth,” George said, giggling as he took the sweatshirt into his hands.

  
George watched Clay chuckle softly. His eyes crinkled at the ends, and his teeth were exposed. He was so pretty when he laughed.

“Do you want it or not?” Clay asked, jokingly pulling the shirt from his grip. 

“Fine, fine,” George said, grabbing it back. He pulled the sweatshirt over his thin body. It was at least a size too big, and George felt himself surrounded by Clay. It carried the same earthy and pine-esc musk that his friend did. He relished in this. George glanced at Clay, meeting his gaze. “You’re the one staring this time, Clay.”

Clay rolled his eyes jokingly and playfully elbowed him. “Whatever.”

George watched as Clay didn’t break eye contact. “What?” he asked, smiling.

“Nothing,” Clay started, fidgeting with fingers. “My hoodie looks good on you, though.”

George turned away, hoping Clay wouldn’t see just how much his face flushed.

  
Clay broke the silence between the two, and inside, George was very grateful for that. “I’m ready to talk about the other day in the grass, by the way,” George nodded, hoping to signal Clay to continue. He did.

“I don’t know why, but for the past few months, literally like every time I go to sleep, I wake up in the fucking grass at like ungodly hours of the day. It’s so fucking frustrating. And, whenever I wake up, I just feel so nervous. I feel-” 

  
George cut him off, enveloping him in his arms. George could feel Clay gulp as he reciprocated the hug. “It’s okay, Clay. I won’t let that happen again.” George said softly.

He considered asking if he cried, but he dismissed that thought. The last thing his friend needed right then was for him to pry.

  
Clay pulled away and stared at George in the moonlight, their faces only inches apart. George glanced down at Clay’s lips -  _ shit.  _ No, no, he had to erase that thought. They were just friends.

Clay must’ve sensed George’s discomfort as he decided to pull away from the boy and move to lay his back on the roof, so he was looking directly up to the sky. George swiftly copied him and did the same.

_ |*quick a/n*: here is a short little playlist i made that fits this moment really well :) i suggest playing it in the background as you read :) this next segment is heavily inspired by khai dreams’ blue world!!  [ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgOcklqRSo465f-ZFMAJjfF ](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0fjodjzFrjgOcklqRSo465f-ZFMAJjfF) | _

  
  


George listened and watched as Clay pointed up at the stars, explaining different constellations. George wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, but rather his voice. He felt so surrounded by warmth. Every word Clay spoke sent chills throughout George’s body. He turned to his side to watch Clay. He was breathtaking. The blue light from the sky illuminated his sharp features. George wished he had a camera or something to just capture Clay’s beauty. He was, in every sense of the word, perfect.

Clay turned and met his gaze. “Hey George,” Clay whispered, smirking a bit. George tried to bite back a smile, but he was pretty sure Clay could see it anyways. 

“What?” he responded, still making eye contact with Clay, both facing each other laying down on the roof.

“I think this time, we’re both staring,” Clay whispered, leaving George to softly laugh. 

“You’re an idiot, Clay,” he responded. Clay waited a second before sitting up. George let himself be pulled up by Clay. They were now sitting directly next to each other, their legs and shoulders touching. Both boys were facing the sky. The soft moonlight encompassed both of their faces, George glancing down to the boy’s hands.

George slowly tapped each of Clay’s fingers, gently intertwining their hands. Much to George’s surprise, Clay tightened his grip on George’s hand.

George slowly let his head fall and rest on Clay’s shoulder. Clay seemed to twitch at the initial touch, but he let him leave his head there without a word.

They sat like this for, in George’s eyes, what felt like eternity. George wished he could be there, genuinely, forever.

“I feel so small,” Clay muttered. George picked his head up from Clay’s shoulder to turn to him. 

“What? You're like, 6'3.” George responded smiling, his voice a faint whisper.

Clay giggled. “No, not that way - I mean, look,” Clay said quietly, pointing to the moon completely exposed in the night sky. It looked huge. “In the grand scheme of things, I feel like we’re so minuscule and like… unimportant. Like, no matter what, we can never be as big as, well any of this.” George watched as Clay motioned to the various stars above them.

“We don’t have to be,” George whispered in reply, fixated on each and every one of Clay’s features in the soft moonlight.

“Why not?” Clay asked, his gaze staring directly at George’s. George wondered if Clay could see how red George’s face was in the dim lighting.

“So many people think you’re important, Clay. Who cares if you can’t be the fucking galaxy? You’re Clay.” George watched Clay’s face soften. He smiled a bit, clearly trying to hide it from George. George, obviously, noticed.

“Like who? Who finds me important?” Clay asked softly, his eyes now twinkling as the reflection of various stars danced inside his pupils.

“I mean, your fans, your family,” George started, now breaking Clay’s gaze to look down and fidget with Clay’s hands. “Me.”

George watched as Clay placed a hand gently on George’s jawline. He tilted George’s jaw up a bit, George gingerly letting Clay move it without hesitation. Clay seemed to rest his hand there. “Do you ever wish you were someone else, Georgie?”

George was rather confused why Clay was asking this, but he complied. “Yeah, all the time.” Clay seemed to frown in response to this.

“Who?” Clay asked, rather earnestly. George felt his heart flutter.

“Well, first of all, you.”

Clay’s eyes widened. “What? Me? Why?”

George giggled a bit at this. “You’re literally perfect, Clay. You’re beautiful, first of all. And, you’re better at like…  _ everything _ than me. You’re also so kind.” 

  
George turned to look at Clay, realizing what he just said. He had called him beautiful. He at least knew in his heart he wasn’t lying.

Clay seemed to be fixated on George now. “I wish you were me, too.” Clay said softly.

“Why?” George asked, swallowing the nervous lump in his throat.

“So you could see you the way I see you, George.” Clay pressed his forehead to George’s, George’s face flushing.

“Which way is that?” George asked quietly.

Clay once again took his hand and lifted up George’s chin. “Beautiful.”

George stared at Clay for what felt like hours. 

George watched as Clay stared at his lips. George gulped. As much as he felt there was no way Clay could reciprocate the feelings he had for him, Clay’s behavior seemed to contest this fact. Slowly, George watched as Clay leaned in. George did the same.

Softly, their lips touched. George pulled back out of pure shock. Clay glanced around nervously. George laughed quietly at how flustered Clay seemed. George swiftly put his hand behind the blonde’s neck and pulled him back in. Clay quickly returned the favor, kissing back.

The energy between the two felt electric. It felt as if they had no consequences - no reality to return to. This was their reality. George and Clay.  _ Together _ .

As they both pulled away, Clay ran his hands through George’s hair. George looked into Clay’s eyes. Immediately, they both started laughing. 

“I’m gonna be honest, George, this is not how I expected this night to go.” Clay teased, and George responded by playfully elbowing him in the ribs.

“You’re an absolute idiot, Clay.” George said, rolling his eyes.

“An idiot you want to kiss, apparently.” Clay said, smirking at him. George tried to roll his eyes but had to bite back the smile forming on his lips. 

George rested his head on Clay’s shoulder again as they watched the sky. The boys both flinched as they heard the door open, suggesting Nick had returned. 

“We should probably go back inside,” Clay whispered into his ear. George nodded, and followed his movements back through the window and into the house. 

Nick stood right in front of them as he watched the boys climb back into the house. His eyes widened, probably noticing George was wearing Clay’s hoodie. He laughed to himself and walked away without a word.

George and Clay exchanged glances and laughed to themselves. They both dissolved into Clay’s room and changed on opposite sides of the room, George accidentally glancing at Clay every so often and Clay laughing every time he did it. 

  
George laid down and watched as Clay placed a pillow partition in the middle of the bed. “You’re kidding, right?” George said, raising an eyebrow.   
  
Clay scoffed. “I was just being polite, George.”

George smiled and threw the pillows onto the floor, leading to an eye roll from Clay. Clay laid down beside George.

George buried his face in Clay’s chest, able to hear the blonde’s heartbeat and able to experience the rise and fall of his chest. George’s face flushed as Clay rested his head on top of George’s head.

“Are you scared?” Clay whispered quietly.

“Of what?” George responded, his voice muffled from Clay’s chest.

“Of this? Of us?” 

George closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Me too.”

George felt Clay kiss his forehead as both of the boys slipped into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed aaaa the moon/roof part was so much fun to write :) finally getting that fluff lmao >:) pretty proud of the ending of this chapter tbh


	10. it doesn’t sound like you’re very sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clay and george face conflict as they try to decipher what exactly their relationship is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hitting ten chapters and 20k words… couldnt be me hehehe
> 
> This is going to be all clay’s pov since the last chapter was all george!! Next chapter it should be back to normal!
> 
> (not super proud of this chapter tbh lmao,, but i promise the quality is going to improve through the next few - just needed to rush this cuz of exams lmao)

__________

Clay’s eyes were closed. He felt a wet spot on his chest - he thought to himself, assuming he was in the damp grass once again. However, upon opening his eyes, he realized George was to blame - he was asleep on his chest, drooling on his shirt.

Clay sighed in relief before chuckling softly to himself. He felt George stir under him and promptly close his eyes to pretend to be asleep. Clay felt George move around as he felt a soft kiss planted on his jawline. He stayed completely still, not wanting George to know he was awake.

After a few minutes, George stood up and walked into the bathroom. Clay waited a minute or two before getting up as well and swiftly got changed. He put on a light sage jumper and boot-cut black jeans - the Florida winter weather was usually somewhat temperate, however today it was abnormally brisk. 

Clay walked into the kitchen, not wanting to be in his room when George walked out of the bathroom into it. Upon walking into the kitchen, he saw Nick.

“Morning,” Clay greeted groggily, offering him a slight wave.

Nick chuckled in response. “How was boning George when I was gone last night?” he asked in reply.

Clay’s eyes widened as he rolled them and lightly slapped Nick. “Fuck off, dude,” he tried to say sternly, although there was a smile sneaking onto his lips that he couldn’t fight off.

“Are y’all like… a thing?” 

Clay thought to himself. “I don’t know,” he started. “I don’t think so.”

  
Nick nodded understandingly before pulling out a cup of yoghurt from the refrigerator.

Both boys turned as they saw footsteps approaching, Clay making eye contact with the man who was entering the kitchen, George.

George smiled at Clay before walking up next to Nick and whispering something Clay couldn’t decipher into his ear. Although he was albeit curious to figure out what George had said, he didn’t want to impede on George’s privacy.

Clay shifted around before speaking up. “Okay, the past few days, we haven’t really done any ‘Florida’ things. So, I decided today  _ I  _ would choose where we go.” 

Nick rolled his eyes. “Why do you get to choose?” he complained over-dramatically.

“Well, first of all, we’re in my house. Second, I-”   
  


“Yeah, yeah,” Nick dismissed, receding back into his room to get changed out of his pajamas from the night before.

Clay began pouring himself a bowl of cereal before George walked up next to him. “Are we going to talk about yesterday?” George asked him, placing a hand onto his shoulder.

Clay flinched a bit but didn’t move away. “Can we do it later?” Clay asked, feeling very uncomfortable - he liked George, obviously, but their entire relationship was moving much quicker than he anticipated. He didn’t mind, however. He enjoyed how fast it was moving - every chance he had to make George flustered, he would take it.

“Of course, Clay. Whatever you want,” George responded earnestly, his hands now playing with Clay’s fingers rather than resting on his shoulder.

Clay jokingly rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, George. You are way too nice.”

Clay watched as George’s eyes widened. “ _ Too nice?  _ What, Clay, do you want me to be mean to you or something?” George asked rhetorically, playfully nudging him in the rib.

“Yeah, sure.” Clay said, seriously.

“What?” George clarified.

“Yeah, sure. Be mean to me, George.” Clay said, shrugging.

“Okay…” George started, seeming rather confused. Clay could see a light blush form on the brit’s cheeks, making him smirk a bit.

“Fuck you, Clay,” George said seriously, clearly trying to be mean as Clay had instructed him to do. Clay bit his lip, an idea forming in his mind.

“Say it again,” Clay said seriously.

“Wh-what?” George asked, Clay noticing his face was almost bright red now.

“Say it again.” 

George did as he was told. “Fuck you, Clay.”

“Again.” Clay repeated, smirking.

“Fuck-”

Clay interrupted him by planting a kiss on his lips. Clay watched as George’s eyes widened, his face a fiery red. Clay laughed and began walking away, leaving George looking absolutely shocked standing in the kitchen.

Clay loved being bold.

He liked knowing that he had done every thought that he had come up with. Boldness came with consequences, yes, but at least he never had any regrets of things he wished he did.

When you do  _ everything _ , you never risk not doing  _ something. _

___________________

Clay and the boys were now on their way to an undisclosed location (Clay wanted it to be a surprise).

“I still don’t get why you can’t just tell us where we’re going,” Nick groaned from the back seat. Clay took one hand off the steering wheel to flip him off as he felt George’s eyes widen from his peripheral vision.

“Clay, two hands on the wheel, oh my God.” he said, which was probably supposed to sound serious, but Clay knew him well enough to know there was a giggle at the end of the sentence.

A couple minutes later, Clay pulled into the parking lot.

“A… zoo?” George asked, an intrigued tone heard in his voice.

“Aren’t those for like, kids?” Nick complained, Clay rolling his eyes in response.

“I wanted you guys to get the stereotypical Florida tourist experience,” Clay started. “Plus, Nick, you are mentally the age of a ten year old anyways.” Clay’s heart fluttered as George laughed lightly at this. His laugh was so beautiful.

Immediately, his brain was transported to the last night.

_ “You’re literally perfect, Clay. You’re beautiful, first of all.” _

He shook his head smiling, trying to shake this thought away.

His daydreaming was interrupted by George’s voice. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Clay answered quickly.

_ You _ .

The boys emptied out of the car as Clay guided them to the entrance of the zoo. It was decorated with tacky rainbow Christmas lights (which, as Clay was reminded, was only in a couple of weeks).

There was an older woman at the receptionist’s booth selling tickets, and Clay motioned for the boys to meet him there. “Two adults and…” she started, and Clay watched her gaze turn to George. “Sorry, sir, are you over 18?” she asked, clearly not meaning any harm.

Nick and Clay immediately burst into laughter. Clay tried his best to contain himself, not wanting to be rude to the receptionist, but he simply couldn’t. Clay turned to George as he rolled his eyes slightly, before responding, “Yes.”

“Okay,” the receptionist responded, unphased by the boys’ laughter. “Three adults.”

Clay paid for the tickets and they continued into the zoo. Immediately, George perked up as he dragged Clay’s arm. Clay was a bit taken aback, however he gladly let George pull him. George pointed to a sign. In a stereotypical ‘safari-style’ font, the sign read  **“LION’S DEN! THIS WAY”** accompanied by various factoids about the species. 

Clay watched as George ran towards the direction the sign was pointing. Clay turned around - Nick was on his phone, walking much slower than the two boys, already a couple dozen yards behind them.

Clay looked back in George’s direction only to find George eagerly staring at him. “Come on!” he prodded, motioning Clay to follow in his direction.

Clay pointed backwards. “What about Nick?”

Clay watched as George rolled his eyes and smirked a bit. “What about him?” he asked, shrugging nonchalantly.

Clay turned back to Nick one more time (who, at the moment, wasn’t even in earshot distance away) before running up to where George was.

George smiled eagerly at him, making Clay’s face go hot. He was hoping George didn’t notice, because due to the brisk weather today, he couldn’t blame it on the Florida heat.

He glanced at George and noticed George was staring at Clay’s hands. Clay took this as a cue to slowly intertwine his fingers with George’s, who seemed happy to oblige.

They walked hand in hand for around a minute, the Lion’s Den finally visible. Clay heard Nick call out to them and immediately pulled his hand away from George’s grip.

Nick ran up to them, catching his breath. “Why is this a daily occurrence?” he complained, his voice hoarse.

Clay chuckled a bit, before glancing at George. George seemed to be frowning, but for what reason, Clay couldn’t be sure.

He walked up to George, but before he could get a word in to ask what was wrong, George turned away and announced he was headed for the bathroom. Both Nick and Clay nodded without a word.

Nick walked up to Clay this time, clearly curious. “Dude, were you guys like…?” he put his two hands together to symbolize holding hands.

Clay nodded.

Nick elbowed him jokingly. “My man!” he said, clearly trying to act like a proud wingman. Clay tried to smile in response, but thought back to George’s slight frown.  _ He didn’t want to be the cause of George frowning _ .

“I’ll be right back,” Clay said to Nick, not even bothering to wait for his response before making his way to the restroom. He opened it to find George washing his hands. He couldn’t help but notice George slightly roll his eyes upon his entrance.

“George, are you okay?” he asked, putting his hand on his shoulder.

George moved away, letting his hand fall. Clay felt a frown form on his face.

“George, dude, what the fuck?” Clay asked, unsure of what was going on.

  
“What do you mean?” George asked emotionlessly.

“Why are you all of the sudden so pissed?” Clay asked, but his tone was filled with sincerity rather than anger. The last thing he wanted to do was get George upset.

“What do you mean? You’re the one who doesn’t even want to be seen in public holding hands with me.” George retorted, crossing his arms.

_ Oh. That’s what it was about.  _ He thought back to Nick walking up to them, Clay pulling his hand away from George’s clutch. At the time, he hadn’t thought anything of it, but apparently George did.

“I didn’t even know we were at the level to be holding hands in public, in all seriousness.” Clay responded calmly, and that was the truth. They had kissed (soberly) only a couple of times, both only in each other’s company. 

George seemed hurt by this, however. “Wh-what?” he asked, and Clay could hear a tremble in his voice.

_ He was making George cry. _

Immediately, his heart shattered.

“George, can we please talk? I just don’t know what this…” he motioned at the two of them. “ _ We… _ are.” 

George nodded, turning away. He put his hands up to his face, but Clay couldn’t see anything besides his back. Clay was just hoping he wasn’t wiping away tears.

Clay grabbed George’s hand lightly and led him out of the bathroom onto a nearby bench.

_ Everything between the two kept moving so quickly.  _ When Clay did something right, it felt as if George reciprocated his feelings completely. When he messed up, however, the opposite happened.

Clay sat down next to George on the bench and put his hand on George’s. He lightly rubbed circles on George’s knuckles with his thumb. Eventually, George spoke up. “It just feels like you’re so wishy-washy with me,” George said softly, his eyes not meeting Clay’s eye contact.

“What do you mean?” Clay asked, still holding his hand. George continued.

“I don’t know - it’s like, when you’re with me alone, you seem so open. And then, once someone sees us, you completely switch up.”

Clay nodded understandingly. To be honest, he had noticed this too. It wasn’t that he was ashamed or anything - he would gladly show his affection for George. He just didn’t know exactly where they were.

“George, I’m so confused.” Clay said, burying his head in his hands. Clay felt George take his hand to move it away from Clay’s face.

“Why?”

“Are we…?” Clay started, unsure if he should continue that sentence.

George seemed to understand what he was saying. “Do you want to be?”

Clay shrugged. “I think so? But, I don’t know. Do you?”

George met his eye contact. “I think so. But it doesn’t sound like you’re very sure.”

Clay felt his face grow hot, and his heart seemed to erupt. Even in times of conflict between the two, George left Clay flustered.  _ He wanted to be with Clay _ .

Clay decided honesty was definitely the best route in this situation. “George,” he started, his voice almost a whisper.

  
“Clay.” George responded, his voice matching Clay’s tone.

“I really, really like you.”

Clay watched as George’s face turned pink. Clay was proud he could elicit such a response from George. “You- you do?”

Clay nodded. “I don’t know what we are,” Clay started, “but I know it’s something. I’d just rather take it semi-slow from now on, since I think we kinda rushed into this a little.”    
  
Clay watched George smile. It was an earnest smile, not necessarily of happiness, but understanding. Clay took in their surroundings. They were on a bench near the center of the zoo, and from what he could see, there were dozens of people around them. 

  
George seemed to sense his nervousness. “Are you okay? We don’t have to discuss this in such a…  _ public _ area if you don’t want to.”   
  
Clay gulped. George knew him too well. He thought back to his decisions that morning in the kitchen. 

_ Clay loved being bold. _

Clay smirked. “Does this answer your question?”

Before George could respond, Clay reached over to George and kissed him. It wasn’t an especially long kiss, but Clay could feel George lean into it. Clay’s face flushed as George pulled away and ran his fingers through Clay’s hair.   
  
“Yes. Yes it does.” George replied, his face brightened with a toothy grin.

“You know, George, we never got to go to that lion’s den.” Clay said, smirking.

Clay watched George get up and reach out his hand. Clay grabbed it and joined him, them walking hand and hand throughout the zoo. They eventually caught up with Nick, their hands still intertwined the whole time.

___________________

The boys returned home, both Clay and George still giddy.

Clay realized what he had done.

Clay had confessed his feelings for George, incredibly nonchalantly.

_ And George did the same back. _

Clay was now standing in the living room as he felt Nick pat him on the shoulder. He swiftly turned around to see Nick grinning.

“I saw you and George making out in the zoo,” Nick said, sounding rather pleased with himself.

Clay immediately felt his face flush. “You- wha-”

“Oh, relax, dude,” Nick started. “You literally told me you liked him  _ weeks _ ago. It was only about time before I walked in on you guys boning eachother.”

Clay elbowed him in the rib. “We were not ‘ _ boning _ ’ Nick. We were kissing. Fuck off.” 

Nick began to chuckle, “Clay and Gogy sittin’ in a tree, K-I-”

Both boys turned around to see George staring at them, laughing. Clay didn’t think it was possible, but the blush in his face began to deepen. 

  
“Wow, talking about me behind my back, huh?” George joked, Clay turning away from him to hide his blush.

As if George read his mind, he added, “Clay, by the way, if you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re blushing, you’re doing a terrible job.”   
  
Clay buried his head in his hands.  _ God, George knew how to get him flustered. _

Clay eventually returned into the safety of his bedroom, watching as George quickly followed after him. Clay heard a buzz from his phone, and quickly opened the notification.

_ sap: have fun boning gogy _

_ use protection _

Clay rolled his eyes and left Nick on read. He turned to look at George, who was staring at something in his closet. He couldn’t tell what.

“Since when do you play guitar?” George asked curiously, picking up the instrument from inside his closet.

Clay had forgotten he had left that there. He hadn’t played it in a while.

“I don’t know, a couple years. I haven’t played it in a long time, though.” Clay looked at George as his eyes lit up.

“Hmmm… Clay, you know, as far as I remember, one of my main motivations for planning this trip was you saying you would sing for me when we met up.” 

  
Clay rolled his eyes. “No way, George.”

Clay watched as George began to fake-cry. “ _ Clayyy… _ you don’t want to sing for me?” he whined, and Clay rolled his eyes.

Clay sat still, watching as George sat next to him and gently grabbed his jaw and pulled it towards him so they were making eye contact. “Please,” he said earnestly, causing Clay to almost melt on the spot.

Clay rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

He grabbed his guitar and began to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa this chapter was so rushed omfg i hate it LMAO - tbh it was kinda a filler chapter; tomorrow's chapter is going to be much more interesting, I just had to put one out today ahahah


	11. authors note :))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a note from me!

**Hi guys! Claire here :)**

Just wanted to say ty for 500 hits :0 wtf thats insane!! also tysm for the kind messages :))

_Also!_ Someone made a fanart for chapter 9 and it literally made my day omg :))

The artist said they wanted it to be anonymous and I obviously want to honor their request but still, thank u so much!!

_(if u want to send any fanart, you can email me at hiclaireclaire@gmail.com)_

there will be a new chapter out later today for this story btw! just wanted to thank the artist for the fanart and show it off!!


	12. can i call you tonight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay sings for George, and George feels like the luckiest man in the world.
> 
> That is, until Nick introduces some unwanted news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t sure which song I was going to use for this chapter until I saw this video show up in my recommendation and it was perfect. This cover heavily influenced me writing it so I’d suggest listening to it while u read :)) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnNFxUJAxSY (aLSo: ty for 600 hits and 50 kudos aaaa wtf)

______________________-----______________________

George watched Clay excitedly as Clay pulled the guitar out from his closet. George noticed just how gently he seemed to hold it. He held the neck of the guitar as if it was made of glass that would break at even a tap that was too aggressive. George smirked as Clay began tuning it.

  
Eventually, Clay spoke up before starting to play. “Are you sure you want me to do this? I am not very good,” he said, laughing a little. George nodded eagerly.

“Of course I do.” George tried to seem as comforting as possible, grinning wildly at Clay. He watched as Clay began strumming his guitar. Instantly, George was entranced.

George stared at Clay’s fingers as he effortlessly played each note.

Eventually, George heard Clay take a breath in. 

_He was going to sing._

“I feel close, well maybe I'm not, heaven knows,” Clay started. Immediately, George’s eyes widened. Not only was Clay’s voice arguably one of the best he had ever heard, but he was singing one of the songs George had put on the playlist for him. _He was singing one of his songs._

“It's a spotlight stuck on the ceiling. Why are these the things that I'm feeling?”

George melted into every line Clay sang. It was as if he was completely encompassed by Clay’s voice. His voice was soft, and yet carried so much emotion in it. It felt like nothing in the world existed besides Clay’s music.

“So can I call you tonight? I'm trying to make up my mind, just how I feel. Could you tell me what's real?”

George glanced up to look at Clay. His eyes were closed, but he was wearing a toothy grin while he was singing. His hands effortlessly moved up and down the fretboard, playing every note perfectly. With each chord, George could feel himself being more and more anesthetized by the notes Clay was singing.

George hesitantly put his head on Clay’s shoulder as he was playing.

Clay stopped. “Wha-”

“Keep going.” George instructed, now closing his eyes.

  
George could hear that Clay had done what he was told when he continued to sing.

“I hear your voice on the phone, now I'm no longer alone,” Clay sang.

George decided he was going to take a note out of Clay’s book. _He was going to be bold._

“Just how I feel, could you tell me what's real anymore? 'Cause I wouldn't know.” George cut in quietly, his eyes still closed. He fluttered his eyes when he heard Clay had stopped playing his guitar and saw Clay face-to-face with him now. Immediately, George felt his face flush. 

“George, you are so talented.” Clay said, smiling genuinely.

George scoffed light-heartedly and rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Clay. You are literally, like a God at singing.”

George noticed Clay blush. “Shut up, George.” 

“Make me.” George said, smirking.

Clay rolled his eyes jokingly. He lessened the space between their faces, now only an inch or two apart.

“Clay, you’re ethereal.” George spoke up. Clay’s face seemed to grow redder, which inspired George to stare at Clay’s lips.

Immediately, Clay leaned in to kiss him. George felt Clay bite his lip, causing him to flinch.

“I’m sorry-” Clay said, clearly flustered. “Was that not okay?”

George smirked, secretly warmed that Clay cared enough to make sure George was okay with it. “Trust me, it’s more than okay.”

Before Clay could respond, George leaned back into the kiss, digging his fingers into Clay’s hair as Clay bit his lip like before, causing George’s face to turn a bright red. If Clay noticed, he didn’t say anything, still kissing George like before. When they both pulled away, George watched Clay lean back and collapse onto the bed. George did the same.

He turned to look at Clay.

“You’re beautiful.”

Clay rolled his eyes.

  
“You are so much more than beautiful, George.” He turned to look back at him, pressing his forehead to George’s.

Immediately, the door opened.

Nick stood in the doorframe, out of breath. His eyes widened, but it seemed like he had bigger issues than just walking into his two best friends with their faces together.

“I-” he started, panic in his voice. “We can deal with this later. We have an issue.”

George and Clay both jumped up from where they were, both clearly embarrassed, but followed Nick into the living room.

Nick instructed George to pull out his phone, and George opened Twitter. _Shit_.

Immediately, he saw what Nick was talking about. His notifications were flooded with an image of George holding Clay’s hand at the zoo. Thankfully, the picture cut off on Clay’s arm, so no one could know it was him, but it was still clearly a man’s arm he was holding.

“No one has suspected it’s Clay, so that’s good.” Nick said, and George nodded. His face was emotionless; he was trying to shake off all of the thoughts in his head. 

“Where did they get this picture, anyways?” George said, his face blank. He couldn’t even make eye contact with Nick. 

“Apparently on the zoo website, that was in the background of one of the pictures, and a random fan came across it. And, before you ask, they already deactivated their account, so there’s not much we can do.” Nick replied, placing his arm on George’s shoulder.

**Trigger warning // minor mentions of internalized + external homophobia (i will put an announcement in bold when it is done + do a short summary in italics if you want to skip this segment!)**

George gulped. Being with Clay was, in short, a dream. That being said, he had never been in a relationship like this with someone of the same gender. He was fine with it, besides aspects of being new to him, but he was mostly scared about how everyone would react to it. Immediately, he checked his indirects.

_This turned out to be a bad decision._

Most Tweets were nice, saying George looked nice in the photo, or talking about how George was no longer in Britain, but a few tweets down, he saw much less-than-kind ones.

_@FortNight69420LMAO: GeorgeNotFound is gay lmao wtf im unsubbing XD_

_@ihatepenguinslmao232: highkey makes me uncomfortable that george is with a guy considering he literally did a love or host with all girls lmaooo…. Sus…._

He felt his breath speed up, his heart beating incredibly fast. He heard a familiar voice whisper into his ear “It’s okay, George. I’m here.” 

**Trigger warning over** _(Summary: George checked his indirects and found Tweets saying they were less-than supportive of him being with a man)_

George gulped and nodded.

_It couldn’t be that bad._

As if by some sort of magic, a notification buzzed on his phone.

_Mum: Hi, George. Can we talk?_

George tilted his phone towards Clay so he could read it. Clay looked up from the phone with his eyebrows furrowed sincerely. He placed his hand in George’s hair and leaned down so he was at eye level with George.

“George, you are beautiful.”

George watched as Clay leaned back up and kissed his forehead. Immediately, he blushed as he turned to the left, noticing Nick was watching them.

Nick seemed to notice his discomfort. “Hey, hey, don’t stop on my account.” he said with his hands up in surrender, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

George forced a smile as he returned back into Clay’s room to respond to his mother.

_George: Hi, mum. What’s up?_

Immediately, she started typing.

_Mum: I think you know what’s up, George._

George gulped.

_George: I do._

_Mum: Just know, your father and I love you very much. If you ever want to talk, we are only one phone call away, Georgie._

Immediately, a wave of relief washed over him. _Thank God._

_George: I love you mum._

_Mum: Love you too._

Just as George began to put his phone down, Clay walked in.

“So…” Clay started, and George watched as he seemed to pace around the room uncomfortably, “What are you going to do?”  
  
George furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”  
  
Clay turned to look at him. “Oh, sorry, I assumed you were going to like… address it. You obviously don’t have to but-”

“You’re right, I should.” George cut him off, staring at his feet. In the past 15 minutes, his day had gone from amazing to absolutely gut-wrenching. 

George sat down on Clay’s bed and Clay sat next to him. Clay put an arm around George’s shoulders and George felt Clay play with his hair.

George turned to look at Clay’s eyes. In this moment, he could almost forget all of the issues going on right then. Clay was just so… pretty.

“You’re staring,” Clay said, smiling. He didn’t even look at George to say it. He must’ve seen him in his peripheral vision.

“I always am,” George responded nonchalantly, as he felt Clay’s grip on his shoulder grow tighter. 

“Yeah, yeah, you are.”

______________________-----______________________

A couple hours later, Clay was in the bathroom. He had just exited the shower as he felt a Twitter notification go off on his phone.

_GeorgeNootFound has Tweeted._

Clay quickly pressed on the notification bar surprisedly (George didn’t tell him he was planning on Tweeting anything), as his eyes widened.

_@GeorgeNootFound: Hi, guys. Thought I would address this whole picture situation haha. 1) yes, that is me. 2) yes, that’s a guy. 3) no, I don’t owe anyone an explanation. Thanks to everyone who has been supportive :) means a lot <3 _

Clay felt his heart grow warm. He was so proud. He clicked to see the replies, discovering dozens of other content creators and fans alike were already voicing their support for George. Quickly, Clay dried off and got dressed, re-entering his room. Before he could say anything, he felt George envelop him in a hug.

_George sounded like he was crying_.

“I’m so proud of you, Georgie,” Clay whispered into George’s ear as George buried his face in Clay’s chest. George sniffled in reply, hugging him tighter. Eventually, George pulled away and stared at Clay.

“I know you said you don’t know what you want, and that’s okay,” George started, “but I want to be with you, Clay. I do.”

Clay pulled him back into a tight hug. He stroked his hair before replying. 

“I know what I want, George.” Clay heard George gulp before continuing. “You.”

______________________-----______________________

After their amorous encounter, Clay announced he was going to get ready to sleep. It was still pretty early, so George headed into the kitchen to make a snack for himself.

After he was done eatng, George opened his phone to find a reply from his tweet that caught his eye.

_@dreamwastaken: i am so, so proud of you george,, you don't even know. you are so brave. ily <3 _

George thought for a second before replying.

_@GeorgeNootFound: ily2 <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am high key so exhausted ahahah so here's a shorter chapter. as always, any feedback + comments + ideas are welcome :) ily all - p.s. i have finals and stuff lmao so it might take a couple days for the next chapter but after that i am going to go back to more frequent uploads during break :)


	13. allergic to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and George decide, after a week or so of being together, they should stream together. In person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SO LATE AAAA IVE BEEN SO BUSY WITH EXAMS - but omfg george’s stream for the other day and karl’s jackbox stream really made this wayyy too easy for me smh they're just feeding us content for this at this point /j - also 900 hits wHAt tysm

George woke up in Clay’s arms.

His head was buried into Clay’s shoulder blade and their legs and fingers were intertwined. It felt natural. It felt real.

George placed his hands on Clay’s hair and began running his hands through it. He felt Clay stir as Clay melted into his touch. 

George gently removed himself from Clay’s grip to check the time on his phone.

12:08 PM.  _ Shit _ .

“Clay!” George yelled instinctively, phased by his late awakening. Immediately, Clay shot up.

“What is it?” Clay responded, a nervous tone in his voice which still sounded hoarse from sleep.

“It’s already past noon. We need to get up!”   
  
George watched as Clay rolled his eyes and collapsed back into the bed. “Really, George? I thought it was an emergency.”

“It is… kinda,”

“Why?”

  
George thought for a second before responding. “I wanted to stream with you today. We have a lot to set up, so if we want to we’d need to start soon.”

George noticed Clay lightly smile at this, which sent fire through his cheeks. “Why didn’t you say so?” Clay said, smirking.

George watched as Clay stood up and wrapped his hands around George’s neck. Clay leaned down and kissed his forehead before continuing out of the room.

George hoped he would never get used to this. Every time Clay showed any ounce of affection, George couldn’t help but completely melt into his actions. He was infatuated by him. Clay bewitched every fiber of his mind.

__________

Eventually, they finished setting up a spare PC and monitor. They were about to begin streaming when George realized their predicament.

“You know, Clay, I could always just… stream without a facecam for the day.”

George watched as Clay rolled his eyes light-heartedly. “No, George. All I need to do is wear a paper plate over my face with eye holes cut out and wear a hoodie with the hood on. Easy.”

George smiled back, eager to stream with Clay in person for the first time. 

George continued tweaking network settings on the computer as Clay announced he was going to prepare his “outfit” for the stream. When he exited the bathroom, he was wearing his token neon green Dream hoodie with the hood all the way up covering his head and a paper plate that revealed only his eyes.

“Ready?” Clay asked.

“Ready.”

______________________-----______________________

Clay thought he and George might as well announce they were streaming together through Twitter.

_ @Dream: i know i normally don’t tweet out when i go live, but i figured this was an important occasion. @GeorgeNotFound … friends don’t lie, right?  _ [ _ twitch.tv/dream _ ](https://www.twitch.tv/dream) _ in 5 minutes ;) _

Dream laughed as he read aloud some of the replies of the Tweet.

_ @GabbyWasTaken: NOT THE “FRIENDS DONT LIE” DREAM I SWWEAR IF IITS ANOTHER VLOG SITUATION _

_ @barbienotfoundXD: if you guys are lying again i am literally unsubbing no joke _

Clay and George finished the final setup (making sure that Dream’s face was not visible  _ at all _ ) and hit the button.

**Go live.**

Within seconds, over a hundred thousand viewers flooded the chat. They began noticing Clay, messages pouring in.

_ IS THAT DREAM? _

_ OMFG WHAT DREAM ON FACECAM???????? _

_ Woah is the guy in the mask actually dream _

Clay began speaking. “Hi, everyone! Welcome to the stream! Today, I’m here with a special guest! George!”

Clay watched as George sheepishly waved to the camera, an apparent grin on his face. Clay couldn’t help but blush - thank God for the mask covering his face.

“Hi, everyone!” George started. “I’m here with Dream! Finally!” Clay and George locked eyes through Clay’s mask, Clay turning away from the camera to slightly wink at him. George softly giggled in response. 

In order to fit into the camera view, the boys had to sit obscenely close together. Their shoulders were pressed up together tightly, and their thighs brushing, but Clay would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

George and Clay began playing on their SMP, telling various stories about their friendship. 

Soon, a donation came in, lightheartedly teasing Clay.

**_Dream sounds like he’s allergic to peanuts._ **

Clay scoffed in response. “Actually, chat, I’m not allergic to anything.”

Clay flinched as George nudged him in the shoulder lightly. “That’s not true, Dream. I know what you’re allergic to.”

Clay raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what am I allergic to, then?” he retorted playfully.

“Me.” George said, jokingly biting his lip.

Clay playfully elbowed him in the ribs. “I knew you would say that George, oh my god.”

George rolled his eyes, now apparently talking to chat. “Yeah, guys. Every time he sees me, his face turns red. Must be the allergies.”

Clay felt his face grew hot, a blush creeping up from his neck. “You’re such an idiot, George.”

George turned to him. “You’re such a simp,  _ Clay. _ ”

Clay gulped at George saying his name, nonchalantly trying to play off their encounter on stream by forcing a laugh out. Immediately, chat was going absolutely insane.

_ IS DNF CANON OMFG _

_ DNF DNF DNF _

_ omfg twitter is going to shit themselves with this bye _

Clay and George continued to banter until Clay decided to bring up a question. “George, what do you think my weaknesses are?”

Clay watched while George furrowed his brow while thinking. After a few moments, George spoke up. “I think you try too hard.”

“What?”

“Yeah… like when you’re interested in something, you go all out on it and refuse to focus on anything else, if that makes sense.”

Clay nodded understandingly. George was right. Clay seemed to go into focus on things he enjoyed, while he dismissed anything that didn’t interest him. George knew him too well.

“What else?” Clay asked.

“What else?”

“What else is my weakness?”

Clay looked back at George, who was staring at him. “Me.”

Clay scoffed jokingly as he rolled his eyes under the paper plate mask. “You’re such an idiot.” he responded softly.

“You too, Dream.”

______________________-----______________________

Eventually, the boys called up a few of their friends to play JackBox. Namely, Quackity and Karl. (Nick was in the other room and said he couldn’t be bothered to join).

The first game they played was “Patently Stupid,” a game where contestants design a solution based on a problem assigned to them by other players. Immediately, George found Clay to be playing up their “DreamNotFound,” bit.

George listened as Clay explained the problem he was assigned.

“My problem is… I am confused with my sexuality!”

George and the rest of the boys in the call laughed in response.

“My solution is… Kiss George!”

  
Wheezes erupted from the Discord call as George felt his face flush. He tried to force out a laugh, but he was afraid the audience would find it to be less-than genuine. 

Chat seemed to notice his response.

_ Lmfao not George blushing… _

_ Something you wanna tell us George? HDJSJSFJJSFK _

George recomposed himself and continued playing the game with his friends.

A couple games later, he was becoming readily aware of just how close he and Clay were. He could smell his pine-needle scent. He could feel his cotton hoodie brush against his arm. He could, if he wanted to, almost taste his lips.

He found himself infatuated by Clay. His trance, however, was cut short. 

“George, quit staring at Dream and pay attention to the game.” he heard from his headset, realizing Quackity was yelling at him jokingly.

George gulped, unsure what to say. Thankfully, Clay spoke up. “How could he not stare?” Clay joked, and George rolled his eyes in response. 

“He’s right, Clay. You’re honking hot in that hoodie.” Karl joked across Discord. 

George smiled in response, listening as Clay chuckled in response.

“Yes, very hot in his paper plate mask.” George said, staring into the holes cut out of Clay’s mask, his eyes just barely exposed.

George melted into the floor as Clay winked at him once again with his head tilted just enough so the stream couldn’t see. 

_ George could get used to this. _

A couple of hours later, they eventually ended the stream. 

“Oh my God, check Twitter.” Clay said between wheezes, once they were sure the stream was offline.

George did as he was told, and immediately felt his face go wrong.

_ Number 1 Trending Phrase: Dream and George Canon _

_ Popular streamers DreamWasTaken and GeorgeNotFound meet-up and make flirtatious jokes on stream, causing their fans to tweet “Dream and George Canon” about their SMP storyline. _

George rolled his eyes playfully. “Yeah, our SMP storyline is really something,” George joked, leading to Clay playfully elbowing him in the ribs. 

George watched Clay’s gaze grow from joking to earnest. “Clay, what’s up?”

George watched Clay’s hands fidget around as he met his eye contact once again.

Clay didn’t reply.

George slowly reached his hands up and gently pulled off the paper plate mask on Clay’s face. He was beautiful.

“Pretty.”

George noticed Clay’s face immediately flush, which made George smirk. “Wha-what?”

“I just said you’re pretty, Clay. Calm down.”

Clay softly leaned over to George and kissed his forehead. “Can we talk?”

  
George nodded understandingly as the boys turned to face each other.

“I think… I want to tell the fans,” Clay started, leaving George to inhale. “Not about us, of course, but at least about  _ me. _ ”

“Go on,” George instructed.

“Like… about that whole ‘queerbaiting’ shit I was accused of. I might as well… be honest about myself, right?”   
  


George looked at him sincerely.  _ Clay was such a good guy.  _

“Only if you want to, Clay. Don’t force yourself to speak out on something if you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready.”

George let his head rest on Clay’s shoulder as he watched Clay pull out his phone and open Twitter.

______________________-----______________________

_ @dreamwastaken: hey guys. decided to be open and honest since i know all of you are so supportive and kind <3\. i dont want to label myself, but i know that i am not straight lmao. i thought i might as well share as ive wanted to do it for a while. remember i love u and you’re valid :) _

Immediately, Clay felt a wave of relief wash over him. Whether from the thousands of fan replies congratulating his bravery on sharing that vulnerable aspect of his life with him, or his private messages from friends, he felt at peace. He was so shaken by the response that he hardly noticed George asleep on his shoulder.

  
As much as he wanted to savor this moment, the boy’s brown hair brushing against his chin, he felt a pang of hunger in his abdomen. He reluctantly got up, leaving George leaning on the side of his chair.

As he walked into the kitchen, before he could even look up, he felt familiar arms pull him into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, dude.” Nick said, his voice muffled from his head being partially covered by Clay’s shoulder. Clay hugged back eagerly.

“Thanks, dude. For everything.” Clay said, pulling away with an earnest smile on his face.

“Don’t get all sappy on me, man.” Nick said, jokingly nudging his arm.

“Whatever, Nick.” Clay said, opening his refrigerator.

  
From the time Clay had gotten up, George must’ve awakened, as Clay opened his phone to a Twitter notification.

_ @GeorgeNootFound: I’m always here for you Dream, every step of the way <3 you are amazing, just know that. Ily <3 _

_ I love you,  _ he thought to himself.

_ I love George. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed jsdfkhsds - im more than halfway done with this story so hopefully the next few chapters will be more plot driven! again i have exams up until the 23rd but after that ill try to upload these more consistently lmao


	14. goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clay wants to do something special for george, the man who has been plaguing his mind and his dreams all at once.

Clay woke up with George’s messy brown hair scratching his chin as he begrudgingly got out of bed. 

It had been two weeks since the boys had initially gotten here, and time seemed to move by incredibly quickly with George around. After Clay had Tweeted referencing his sexuality, some fans speculated that the picture of George and an unspecified man holding hands were George and him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Secretly, he liked that people thought it was him.

Now, Christmas was coming up upon them in only a couple of days. As cliché as it may have sounded, Clay believed the only gift he wanted was for George to stay. Every second he spent with George, he felt the numbing thought that soon, in just a few short weeks, they would be away from each other.

He wouldn’t wake up and see his face.

He wouldn’t kiss his forehead.

They would be burdened to a screen.

Clay quietly walked to his living room, being careful not to accidentally wake anyone up - it was pretty early: 6:30 AM. He tip-toed to the door across the room and knocked.

A tired-looking Nick opened the door. “What is it dude? Why are you up so early?”

Clay hastily explained a plan he had thought up for the day.

Nick seemed to nod knowingly, as if he already understood what was going to happen.

Shit. 

  
This was it.

______________________-----______________________

George’s eyes fluttered as he felt a warm, familiar hand tracing lines into his cheekbone. _Clay._

George smiled sincerely, now meeting the dirty blonde’s gaze. “Good morning, Georgie.”

George couldn’t help but grin at the boy. He was practically melting into his touch on his face. “Good morning, Clay-ie.”  
  
Clay lightly snickered in response and grabbed his wrist lightly. “I have plans for today George. Dress nice.”

“Where are we going?” George said, a smile still plaguing his face as his voice was ridden with curiosity.

“You’ll see eventually,” Clay said, now exiting the room and closing the door behind him.  
  


George rolled his eyes. As much as he adored Clay, God could that man be sly sometimes. Nevertheless, George did as he was told, putting on a white collared shirt and brown khaki pants. Immediately, a sage jumper in the corner of the room caught his eye.

Attentively, George slowly pulled the crewneck - _Clay’s_ crewneck - over his collared shirt. It actually looked quite nice with the outfit, so George decided he might as well wear it.

That was _definitely_ the only reason he wanted to wear it. Not because he wanted to be surrounded by Clay. Not because he wanted to be encompassed by his pine needle scent. _Definitely not._

George watched the door creak open as he and Nick locked eyes.

Immediately, Nick began laughing. “George, is that Clay’s crewneck?” he asked between laughs.

George’s face flared up with blush as he tried to suppress the colour spreading to his cheeks. “I- uh,”

“You’re such a simp, oh my God.”

Nick exited and George couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

Jesus, maybe he was a simp.

______________________-----______________________

Clay practically dragged George into the passenger’s seat of the car, patting his head before promptly driving away.

Saying Clay was excited was an understatement.

Clay glanced at the boy and realized. "Wait... is that my sweatshirt?"

He watched George's face slowly fade to pink. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'll take it off-"

Clay playfully nudged him. "Shut up, dude. Keep it on. It looks better on you anyways."

Clay watched George smile and sink into his chair as Clay turned back to the road and continued the drive.

Clay’s ultimate goal, he figured, was to make sure George was happy on this trip. He needed to make sure that, when they were eventually connected only by wifi once again, he would remember George’s smile. And George would remember his.

Eventually, after 45 minutes or so of driving, they pulled up to an unlabeled building in a more central and urban area.

“Jesus, Clay, this is so sketchy. You better not be kidnapping me or anything.”

Clay rolled his eyes and chuckled softly. Almost instinctively, after he and George exited the car, he intertwined his hands with George’s. George quickly flinched at the touch.

“I’m sorry, is this okay?” Clay asked, trying to look and sound as sincere as possible in asking that. He watched George’s face as it morphed into a smile and a small nod was exhibited. 

Hand in hand, they walked towards glass doors. Clay watched George take in the environment and the signs around them inside. 

Right when they walked in, a sign read: 

_The Screen Museum_

Clay met George’s eye contact, who seemed to have a quizzical look on his face. “What is this, Clay?” 

“You’ll see.”

Eventually, a 20-something year old looking woman joined them in the foyer entrance and led the boys to a separate door. Immediately, Clay watched George’s eyes widen.

Around them stood 360º of screens. On the walls, on the ceilings, and on the floors, there were images being flashed. 

George seemed ecstatic. This made Clay ecstatic, too.

“Clay, this is-”

“Yeah?”

“This is everything.”

______________________-----______________________

George spun around, trying to take in each aspect of the screens. He noticed that soon swirling shades of blue and yellow were dancing around the room. He only wished he could see the true shades of these colours. He only wished he could see the true colours of the man next to him as well.

Almost immediately, he felt Clay place his strong hands on his jaw and rub circles into his cheekbones. “Close your eyes.”

George stood there for a second before leaning into Clay’s touch. George closed his eyes as he was told and felt a soft kiss on his forehead.

“George.” Clay said.

  
George nodded his head. He felt something being placed on his face, but he couldn’t tell what. Whether from the pure passionate emotion he was feeling at that moment, or perhaps a sheer lack of spatial awareness, he wasn’t sure what was on his head.

“Open your eyes.”

George did so.

Immediately, his vision was splotched with various shades and colours unbeknownst to him before. _He was wearing Enchroma glasses._

Around the room, he saw purples and reds and pinks, along with original blues, dancing and flying around the screens. He realized the images being portrayed on the screen were meat to resemble galaxies. Soon, he turned to look at Clay

  
George studied the man.

_He was beautiful._

His face was much more vibrant now - pinks and reds spreaded across his cheeks and his hair looked much more rich. All George wanted to do in that moment was take a picture. He wanted to remember Clay.

George quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the boy. Reflections of the galaxy were being shown on his skin - the screen must’ve had a projector of some sort that Clay was standing in front of. He looked beautiful. He looked like a God.

He looked, well, exactly as Clay always looked: _perfect_.

George felt a tear fall onto his clothes. It was his. He was crying.

Immediately, he felt Clay pull him into an embrace. George wrapped his hands around Clay’s neck and Clay did the same to George’s waist. Clay pulled away for a second, their faces inches apart from each other.

Here, George could see Clay’s eyes. _Really_ see them. They were beautiful. The color felt like how Clay smelled - like earth, like pine. Clay was George’s earth. He was his world. George’s whole life was encompassed and built upon Clay. Clay was George’s foundation. His rock.

George leaned forward and brought their lips together. This time they kissed, it was long. It was _longing_ . It felt like a goodbye - even though they had weeks left together. It felt like, at least for George, he was saving this so he would never forget him. _Never forget Clay._

Clay pulled away from him first this time, a small grin on his mouth. George placed his head into Clay’s chest. He felt Clay lean his head atop of his.

“George,” Clay started, his voice soft.

“Yeah?”

He felt Clay gulp. “I am in love with you.”

Immediately, George’s eyes widened and he instinctively pulled away. He watched Clay’s face drop. _Shit_.

Quickly, George put his forehead up to Clay’s. He felt Clay breathe what almost sounded like a sigh of relief. Their noses and lips were just barely brushing against each other. “Clay,”

“Yeah?”

“I am in love with you too.”

George and Clay both moved their heads and stared at each other for a second. Promptly, Clay grabbed George into a hug, quite literally lifting him off of the ground.

In this moment, time felt like it was standing still.

No more goodbyes.

Clay and him felt perfect. This was perfect. _They were perfect_.

Then, the door to the screen room opened, an unfamiliar figure in the doorway. George turned to Clay. His face was no longer smiling. Maybe this was goodbye after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a cliffhanger.. couldnt be me heheh - sorry for how short this chapter is ahhaha but i hope you enjoyed! also i finished this one pretty early today so thats cool ... ALSO 1000 HITS WTF?? TY <3


	15. dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clay is immediately shaken as a figure shows up in the doorway during he and george's excursion.
> 
> tw // homophobia + derogatory terms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just adding once again there is a tw for homophobia + derogatory terms for this chapter!! read at ur own risk but remember to stay safe and you are valid <333 also thanks again for 1k hits! thats insane!

“What the fuck,” Clay muttered to himself, his eyes glued to the figure in the doorway. 

_ Fuck. _

Clay immediately pulled away from George. As much as he loved him, now was  _ not  _ the time to be showing him affection.

Clay watched as the figure in the doorway wordlessly entered the room.

Before Clay could speak, he felt a sharp slap on his cheek.

_ His dad had slapped him. _

“What the hell?” George yelled out, clearly trying to insert himself into the situation. All Clay could do in response was glare his eyes at him in an apologetic way. He couldn’t let George get involved.

Clay watched as his dad turned to George. Clay watched fear grow in his eyes. 

“Why the hell are you getting involved?” his dad snapped back, roughly bumping into George’s shoulder (clearly purposefully). 

Clay watched George almost shrink. His eyes widened as he moved back. Clay didn’t ever want to see him like this. 

“Dad, why are you here?” Clay asked sharply, his nails digging into his palms and his jaw clenched.

“I saw your little ‘Tweet’ Clay.” he responded, his voice like poison.

Clay inhaled sharply.

_ The Tweet. _

_ @dreamwastaken: hey guys. decided to be open and honest since i know all of you are so supportive and kind <3\. i dont want to label myself, but i know that i am not straight lmao. i thought i might as well share as ive wanted to do it for a while. remember i love u and you’re valid :) _

It hadn’t occurred to Clay at the time that it wasn’t just his friends and fans seeing it.

It was his family too.

His … not-so-progressive family.

“Your mother has been worried sick about you, Clay.” his father interjected sharply.

Clay rolled his eyes. “Of course  _ she _ has been,  _ dad. _ She actually  _ cares  _ about me.” Clay shot back.

His dad’s eyes seemed to widen at this. 

“The hell do you mean?”

Clay didn’t even bother replying. He almost laughed. Either his dad was just oblivious, or bigoted. Or both.

Clay closed his eyes in stress. He wished he could just open them and his father would be gone, like it was a bad hallucination. Clay opened his eyes as he felt a familiar hand protectively grab his.

Clay quickly glanced at George, who seemed to be nervously staring at his feet. Clay felt a breath of relief pour out of him - Clay thought he would legitimately burst into tears if he and George’s eyes met right now.

Clay exhaled and attempted to construct his thoughts. “What do you even want? Why are you here?”   
  
His dad rolled his eyes. “Why am I here?” he pointed to the boys’ still-connected hands. Clay expected George to pull his hands away at this - he didn’t. “That’s why!”

Clay felt his face grow hot. He was thankful George hadn’t spoken up; the last thing he wanted was for his dad to accidentally, or purposefully, hurt him.

“What’s your issue?” Clay said to his dad, soon realizing his volume was loud and tone was angry enough for it to constitute as a yell.

“My issue is you thinking you’re some-” his dad started, his voice trailing off at the end.

“Some  _ what _ ?” Clay yelled back.

His dad gulped angrily. “Some  _ queer _ .”

Clay felt water swell in his eyes. His eyes felt out of focus. He felt like he was made of glass with George, and when his dad had said that, he completely took a jackhammer to him.

Time seemed to pause as Clay watched George swing a punch into his father’s cheek. It looked strong. It looked painful.  _ George did that for him. _

Immediately, Clay’s dad recovered from the hit and shook out his head. He seemed to be laughing.

_ God, what a dick. _

“Aw, the other f-”

Clay cut him off. “Fuck you.”

His dad slapped him once again. George seemed to gasp in response but quieted most likely before his dad would hear.

“You’re making a big mistake here,  _ pal.  _ Continue with this, and I will never think of you as a son.”

Clay felt more and more tears drip onto his cheeks, but he refused to frown. “You were never my dad anyways.” 

With that, his dad promptly and fervently marched out of the screen room.

Clay felt himself sink into the floor. He sat with his hands over his knees and his head in his lap.

Clay looked up as a familiar person sat next to him.

“Clay,” George whispered.

Clay only nodded in response.

“I won’t let him hurt you. Ever.” with that, Clay felt himself lean into the boy.

  
Still, he couldn’t help shake the pain and guilt plaguing his chest.

______________________-----______________________

Clay was silent the entire drive home. George contemplated commenting on the previous events that had taken place, but he was well aware that that would only make Clay feel worse.

When the boys entered the house, Nick was at the door, a smile on his face. “George, did you like the glasses?”

George shot him a look, trying to say ‘ _ Now is not a good time _ .’

Nick’s face dropped as he nodded understandingly. George wrapped an arm supportively around Clay’s shoulders before accompanying him into Clay’s bedroom.

“Clay?”

Clay nodded in response, his head buried into George’s chest. This reminded George all too much of the day he first saw Clay cry in the grass outside.

“You don’t have to talk, but if you do, I’ll listen.”

Clay looked up and caught George’s eye contact.    
  


“I hate my dad.”   
  


“I would too.”

“Am I a dick for hating him?”

“Not when he is a much bigger dick.”

Clay seemed to smile at this before kissing George on the jaw.

“What was that for?”

Clay rolled his eyes light-heartedly. “Why does it have to be for something?”

George giggled a little before running his hand through Clay’s golden hair.

“Hey Clay?”

“Yeah?”

“Christmas is in a couple of days, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What are we doing for it?” George said, a smirk on his lips.

“We’ll have to see,” Clay responded, the same expression on his face.

“I love you, Clay.”

George watched as Clay’s face turned a light shade of burgundy.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> highkey hate this chapter LMAO but what is a story without a cheesy cliché storyline with a bad parent? anyways tysm all of u for the support! Im planning on writing a dark-academia based dnf thing next so if you want any more updates you can always follow me for that! the first chapter of that should be out within the next week or so!


	16. the roof again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's christmas for clay and george, and they revisit some old memories :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I write this at 7pm on Christmas Eve…. never…. ahahhaa

George woke up to Clay holding his wrists and shaking him violently.

“George! George! Wake up!”

George removed his hands from Clay’s grip to rub his eyes in exhaustion. He quickly glanced at the clock across the room before replying. “Clay,” he started, his voice riddled with fatigue, “It’s like 6:30.”

Clay nodded as he grabbed his wrist once again to pull him out of bed. “Yeah, 6:30 on  _ Christmas _ .”

George’s eyes widened. He had entirely blanked on the fact that it was Christmas to be honest. It had completely slipped his mind.

Clay grabbed on his shoulders and shook him a little more. “Earth to George?”

George giggled in response.

“Get dressed. Then, meet Nick and I in the living room.”

______________________-----______________________

Clay sat on his couch as he watched the door to his bedroom open as George walked out in his neon green hoodie. Clay absolutely melted at the sight; something about seeing George in his clothes felt so  _ domestic _ . Too bad George would be gone in a couple of weeks. Clay quickly pushed away that thought.

Clay himself was wearing a white collared shirt and a beige sweater vest accompanied by brown corduroy pants. He wanted to dress up a bit for the holidays, so he decided a little effort was necessary.

George walked up to him and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before sitting next to him. Nick was sitting a few feet away in an armchair. 

“At least wait until I’m gone to start making out,” Nick prodded, leading to a dramatic eye roll from George.

“Shut up, Nick.” Clay retorted jokefully.

After a few minutes of talking, Clay watched as Nick pulled out two small boxes from his jacket pocket.

Clay felt himself raise an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Nick handed each of the boys their respective boxes.

“Merry Christmas, dudes.” George and Clay smiled in return. “Go ahead, open them.”

Clay gingerly opened his box and immediately his eyes widened.

“Nick, you have  _ got _ to be kidding.” George said, his voice ridden with excitement and surprise.

“I’m not.”

“Holy shit Nick, how expensive was this?”

“No comment.”

Clay pulled out the item from the box. In Clay’s was a figurine of his YouTube icon, bedazzled with diamonds. It looked like something out of a museum.

“There’s no way these are real,” Clay stated in disbelief.

“They are,” Nick responded with a smirk.

Clay immediately got up and attacked Nick with a hug. “This is amazing, dude. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”   
  


Clay looked over to George to see a small pair of clout goggles bedazzled in the same style. “Nick,” George started, “You are crazy. Thank you so much.”

George hugged Nick as well.

“Ok,” Clay started, “Should we give Nick our gifts now?”

George nodded.

“I’m so excited!” Nick said in a giddish manor. “I hope my gift is some bitches.”

Clay giggled in response before quickly grabbing his box for Nick.

He handed the large box to him and watched Nick unwrap it.

“Clay-”

Clay smirked, well aware of the gift he had given him.

“You didn’t-”

“I did,” he replied with a grin.

Nick held up his gift from Clay; it was an obscenely large box filled with an assortment of tools for streaming and/or recording, including a lighting setup, a TC-Helicon GoXLR, a Dell Ultrasharp monitor, and gift cards for both Amazon and Razer.

“Dude, this has gotta be like, at least 5-thousand dollars worth of stuff. You’re kidding,” Nick asserted, absolutely in awe.

“Don’t mention it, dude. Merry Christmas.”

Nick pulled him into a warm hug.

George gave Nick his gift; it was some signed jersey and clearly an inside joke between the two. Clay couldn’t get himself to pay attention - he was more worried about how George would react to his gift.

“Ok! Clay, I want to give you your gift now!” George said, glaring at Nick. Clay assumed Nick took that as his opportunity to leave as he dissolved back into the guest room.

George handed him a small envelope.

“Wait, first-” Clay said, holding up his camera to the boy. “Smile!”

George smiled and Clay kissed him on the cheek before snapping the picture. It was clearly posed but had a sense of spontaneity to it. The boys looked genuinely happy.

“Okay, now open it!”   
  


Fastidiously, Clay did so.

Inside, stood a plane ticket.

_ To London. _

Clay watched as his eyes travelled to George’s.

“George-”

George’s face looked bright red. “Do- do you like it?”

Immediately, Clay tackled George with a kiss. 

When he eventually pulled away, George’s eyes wide with excitement, Clay answered, “Of course, George. Just know, I’m going to be using that  _ wayyy _ too soon.”

George giggled in reply. “The sooner, the better.” 

“We still have two weeks,” Clay said, his voice suddenly taking a softer tone.

George nodded and Clay felt him sink into his shoulder.

“George, I still need to give you my gift.”

George sat up.

“Where’s the box?”

Clay smirked as he raised an eyebrow. “Follow me.”

Clay pulled George by the hand and dragged him to the window that they had gone through to the roof only a while ago.

“We’re going on the roof?” George asked.

Clay nodded in response as he helped him onto the roof.

They sat there for a second before George spoke up.

“It looks very different up here during the day,” he said, resting his hand on Clay’s.

“It does.”

Clay motioned to the other side of the roof and George scoffed jokingly.

“What the hell, Clay? How - and why - did you get a record player onto the roof? How did you even manage to get this plugged in?”

Clay smirked, “I have my ways,” leading to George dramatically rolling his eyes in response.

As they scooted up towards the record player, Clay grabbed an unlabeled record that was placed on top of it and placed the needle onto the vinyl. 

Immediately, Ultimately by Khai Dreams began to play, and Clay watched George’s eyes widen and face flush.

  
“Is this from the playlist, Clay?”

Clay nodded. “I ordered a custom vinyl. The top side has the songs you picked for me, and the bottom has the songs I picked for you.” On Clay’s face sat a sheepish grin.

Immediately, George threw himself at Clay. “I love it,” he said, his voice muffled from leaning onto Clay’s chest.

They sat for a few long moments, letting the songs seep into their skin and letting themselves dissolve into each other. By the time the vinyl was done playing, Clay realized George was asleep.

He softly whispered into his ear, “Oh,  _ George _ ,” dragging out his name.

He watched as George’s eyes fluttered open and his face blushed. “Stop,” he said, clearly trying (and failing) to hold back a smile.

“That isn’t it, George.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have another gift - only if you want to, though.”

George nodded.

Clay pulled out his phone and opened Twitter. He hit drafts.

______________________-----______________________

George read the Tweet he was showing.

In it, it read.

_ dreamwastaken2: dear george, there's so much to say and so little characters left to say it. i love you. remember that. merry christmas george. _

Attached to the Tweet was the image of Clay kissing George on the Tweet. Clay’s face was cropped out so you couldn’t see it, but the lips were clearly there on George’s cheeks, which were flushed.

George moved his gaze from the phone to Clay’s eyes and George realized he felt tears rolling down his face. He was crying.

George put his forehead up to Clay’s.

“Clay?” George said softly.

“George,” Clay whispered in response, sending shivers down George’s spine.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he said, pulling away to meet Clay’s eyes.

“Is that a challenge?” Clay was now wearing a stupid smirk, but  _ God _ was it enticing.

“No.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Before George could stop him, Clay hit “Tweet.”

George enveloped him in a kiss before he could say anything afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of content ahahha ,, probably wont write tomorrow since it's christmas for me but ill hopefully get a new one out in a couple days!! however, my dark academia story thing is already made and ill be publishing that tomorrow, so stay tuned hehe. also, tysm for like ... 1.1k hits ??? i didnt expect more than like 5 people to see this lmao so i appreciate it ig ahaha


	17. irl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> following the aftermath of clay's confessional tweet, the boys decide to embark on a rather unconventional choice of content creation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for 100 kudos ahhhh - writing this i didnt expect more than like 5 people to see it lmao so i am very much in awe

George woke up as he had been for the past week or so: in Clay’s arms.

He smiled as he untangled himself from the blonde’s grasp and, hesitantly, checked his phone. The entire situation yesterday was rather tantalizing; George hadn’t let himself (or Clay for that matter) check Twitter yet.

Immediately, he was met with thousands of notifications. Lightly giggling to himself, he read some of the replies to Clay’s Tweet.

  
Some were from his friends saying things like:

_ @quackity4k: WHAT THE FUCKKKK NOW I FEEL SO LONELY… I THOUGHT GEORGE WAS MINE BUT GG I GUESS DREAM _

_ @Eret_Alt: congrats dudes :) yall look so cute together _

_ @TommyInnit: Wasn’t expecting this LMAOOO but congrats boys  _ 😎

Then, after further inspection, he began reading replies from fans.

_ @dreamstan69420: NO WAYY WTF WTF WTF THIS CAANT BE REAL IT CANT THIS HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER VLOG SITUATION _

_ @1in75trilliion: when DNF is canon in the smp and in real life /j _

_ @minecraftmaddylol: im going to piss myself what the hell this cant be real _

George laughed to himself. It  _ couldn’t  _ be real, even to him, and yet it was.

He realized he should probably reply to Clay’s Tweet; he didn’t want anyone assuming anything.

_ GeorgeNootFound: dear dream, i love you too <3 _

George realized someone was knocking at the bedroom door. He walked up quietly, sure not to wake Clay, and opened it.

“What the fuck?” Nick exclaimed, a grin on his face.

“What?”

“Clay’s Tweet, what else?”   
  


George felt his face flush, “...Yeah.”

Nick pulled him into a hug. “Congrats, dude. Y’all are so cute together.”

George rolled his eyes but hugged him back anyways.

“Thanks, Nick.”

“Now,” Nick started, “I have been third wheeling  _ way  _ too much on this trip. So, I have a proposition.”

George raised his eyebrow.

“IRL stream!”

George immediately scoffed. “Oh my God, no.”

“Why not?” Nick groaned in response.

“What if either of us get recognized?”

“You won’t,” he complained. George watched as Nick smirked, “Plus, he could always wear a mask.”

“I doubt he would agree to that.”

“Agree to what?” a familiar voice asked.

George turned and saw Clay walking up behind them. He shivered as he felt his arm swing around his shoulders.

“Nick wants us to do an ‘IRL stream’,” George supplied, rolling his eyes.

He watched as Clay’s face brightened, “That’s an awesome idea, dude! We can stop at a costume shop on the way to grab an actual mask.”

George felt his mouth hang and Nick began wheezing.

“Clay,” George said, still peeved from Clay’s choice to side with Nick, “have you checked Twitter yet?”

  
Clay shook his head and began pulling out his phone. Immediately, his face lit up and he began wheezing. “George, ‘#DNFCanon’ is trending!”

George’s eyes widened and Nick began hysterically laughing. As much as George tried to fight it, a grin escaped his lips. “No way.”

  
“Yes way,” Clay responded, tilting his phone so George could see it.

Under the hashtag were thousands of kind messages and fanart of the picture that accompanied Clay’s tweet. This itself warmed George’s heart.

“Get ready, boys,” Nick interrupted. “IRL stream, here we come.”

______________________-----______________________

Not wanting to draw  _ too _ much attention to how he looked, Clay decided to side with a token ‘Dream’ combination: his neon green hoodie, blue denim jeans, fingerless gloves, and a black strap across his chest. It was George’s idea to go with this, actually; he thought it would be funny if they based how he dressed off of the ‘SAD-ist’ animation they had watched through oh-so-many times.

George decided on wearing his merch as well, and Nick his. They might as well all dress as their brand,  _ right _ ?

“Oh my God, Clay. You look absolutely insane,” George affirmed, putting a warm hand on his shoulder.

  
“Yo, we  _ need _ to take a picture of you like this.” Nick added.

“How? I don’t even have the mask yet.”

Clay watched George’s eyes widen. “I have an idea!” 

George pulled out a piece of paper and drew a messy smiley face on it. He then quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a popsicle stick and tape. He handed the tools to Clay, who simply shook his head.

“Just try it,” George said smiling softly. “For me?”

Clay rolled his eyes and accepted the tools.  _ Fine _ . After he was done assembling the makeshift sign, he had to admit, it would be fine for just one picture. The boys headed outside and quickly snapped a photo.

“Clay, you look so cool here. You need to post this on Twitter,” Nick expressed, tilting his phone towards Clay so he could see it.

  
Clay had to admit, he looked rather cool.

“Fine.”

George’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

  
Clay jokingly rolled his eyes. “I’ve already posted a picture of me post-workout in a white tank top; there’s no way this is worse than that.”

Clay opened Twitter and began typing.

_ @dreamwastaken2: IRL stream with George and Sapnap in T-30 minutes. For now, enjoy this picture, ya freaks /lh _

Below, he added the photo.

[ https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EqBruS6XMAUECyo?format=jpg&name=large ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EqBruS6XMAUECyo?format=jpg&name=large)

In seconds, his Twitter feed was blowing up. Only the day before, he had Tweeted himself not-so-secretly confessing his love for George. Today, this. 

______________________-----______________________

The boys pulled into the parking lot of a Party City and George demanded Clay stay in the car to be sure he wouldn’t be seen until he got the mask. Clay at first argued back, but finally conceded. 

George entered the store and veered to the left where he saw a multitude of face masks. Finally, he saw the perfect one. It was just long enough where it would be able to cover Clay’s chin. It was completely flat except for two almost invisible mesh eye holes. Before checking out, George grabbed a black Sharpie.

When he exited to give Clay the mask, he quickly took out the Sharpie and drew a black smiley face on it. It was rather lopsided, but it was Sharpie, so there was really no going back. He went back into the car and handed it to Clay.

“It’s so cute,” Clay affirmed with a small smile, kissing him earnestly on the cheek. From the back seat, Nick was making fake gagging noises. Clay drove the car towards a more central area, where finally they stopped and began streaming.

Much to Clay’s pleasure, he was unrecognizable in the mask. One could see small tufts of his hair under his hood, but quite honestly, he didn’t mind. The chat of the stream immediately flooded through with questions.

_ Are you guys dating? _

_ Was the picture actually you? _

_ Is this all just a joke…. Or???? _

Clay decided he needed to clear things up. He and George quickly stepped out of frame so Clay could make sure what he was saying was okay, and when George agreed, they rejoined Nick in the stream.

  
“George and I feel like we should address this, so-”

“That was,  _ actually _ , me in the picture,” George interrupted, grabbing Clay’s hand. Clay felt his face burst with blush fiercely - thank God for the mask.

Chat once again began spamming more and more. Clay had, however, expected this.

“To be honest, guys, it’s been a wild past few weeks.” Clay added, George nodding in response. “Also, yes, that is me in that picture.” 

The boys continued streaming for a couple hours before they eventually said their goodbyes. Satisfied with the way it went, they returned home and slept for what seemed like ages.

______________________-----______________________

George was awoken with spams from his phone.

_ BadBoyHalo: HELLO???????? _

_ BadBoyHalo: ANYONE THERE?!?!?! _

_ BadBoyHalo: CHECK TWITTER YOU MUFFINS!!!!!! THIS IS SERIOUS _

_ BadBoyHalo: UGH GUYS IM BEING SERIOUS _

_ BadBoyHalo: HELLO?? PLEASE ANSWER!! _

George’s eyes widened and he did what his friend told him to.

Hesitantly, he hit the blue bird icon.

Then, hit trending.

Then, the world seemed to go dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i write half of this literally only inspired by dreams tweet? yes.
> 
> also, we're almost done with this story!!! woo!! if you want, feel free to check out my most recent work, "iambic pentameter" :)


	18. promise me you'll protect him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George realizes the extent of the chaos that what he has just discovered will create. Meanwhile, Clay deals with his own internal vacillation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recommend listening to either of these songs while reading! they really capture the emotion that the boys would be feeling in this moment.
> 
> We Will Remain by Charlie Key (https://open.spotify.com/track/15ZP9NTsTc6QCI1AvONOlh?si=x02umJS4SYShLj0SR8je2g)
> 
> Sentient by Gavin Luke (https://open.spotify.com/track/2vBIOyCqBAoZ4Fxc4JOKL3?si=WiAOxbKjQlywn_pZ5aKAZA)

Plastered at number 1 on the Twitter Trending page were three words George had never expected to see: 

_ Dream face leaked _ .

Under the hashtag were images of who was clearly Clay, a medium-resolution picture of him in the car window of the Party City parking lot. George felt a twinge of guilt in his heart, seeing as he was the one who had told Clay to stay in the car in the first place. Not only could you clearly make out his face, but you could see his token green smiley face hoodie as well. There was no way he could deny this was Clay. 

George felt himself choke on his breath as the world seemed to go quiet. To his side, he saw Clay and his mess of dirty blonde hair resting peacefully, unaware of the chaos taking place online.

  
As much as George wanted to shield him, to protect him from what was to come, he knew he had to disclose the current situation to Clay.

  
“Clay,” George whispered, shaking him softly.

Clay’s eyes fluttered and he grinned exhaustedly at George. “Good morning, Georgie,” he replied with a smile.

Clay seemed to notice George’s wavering gaze as he shot up, “Are you okay? What’s wrong, George?”

George picked up his phone and falteringly tilted the screen towards Dream so he could read it.

George watched as Clay’s soft gaze hardened and his face turned from rosy to pale. Clay looked as if the phone was Medusa, instantly turning the man into stone.

George went to console him but was stopped when Clay pushed away his arm. George felt his own lip quiver at the sight of Clay in such disarray. In that moment, he wished he had shielded him from the information.

“Not now, George, please. I just need to be alone with my thoughts.” 

George nodded and exited the room. Upon him leaving, he heard the sound of the latched door lock turn, securing Clay inside.

George was about to knock on Nick’s door to inform him of the adverse situation when the door swung open. 

  
“Holy shit, George,” Nick said, pinching his temple.

“I know. This absolutely sucks. I feel so guilty.”

Nick moved his hand from his forehead so he could raise his eyebrow. “Why, of all things, are you  _ guilty _ ?”

“I was the one who told him to stay in the car,” George shrugged grudgingly, “it’s my fault.”

Nick let out an empathetic laugh. “George, it isn’t your fault some motherfucker snapped a picture of him like that, though. You can’t blame yourself for this shit.”   
  
George only shrugged in response now. He felt a wet droplet fall onto his cheeks and soon realized he was crying. Nick pulled him in for a hug before he could turn away.

“I just feel so bad for Clay,” George said in between light weeps.

George felt Nick nod, still in the hug. “Me too, dude, but you have to at least  _ pretend _ to be strong for him. I know it’s kind of Clay’s thing to be the ‘protector’, but in this instance, you have to do it.”

  
Nick’s tone soon became more stern. “Promise me you’ll protect him.”

George nodded, “I promise.”

Nick waveringly smiled back at his response and pulled himself out of the hug. “He really loves you, George.”

“I know.”

“I know we are best friends, George, but if you hurt him, I’ll murder you.”

“I know,” George replied, a bit softer this time.

Nick nodded at him and returned back into the guest room. George was about to head to the bathroom to get ready when he heard small sobs coming from Clay’s room. He bit his lip - he hated hearing Clay so upset.

George walked over and knocked softly. He then sat with his back against the doorframe. From what he could hear through the thin door, Clay had done the same.

Clay was still crying.

  
“Clay?”

“George,” he replied softly. “I’m a mess.”

George tried to keep himself composed for Clay’s, and Nick’s, for that matter, sake. “You are, but that’s okay. Anyone would be in your situation.”

George heard Clay giggle lightly through his sobs. 

“How could someone ever love someone who’s as much of a trainwreck as I am?” George heard Clay mutter.

Instantly, George sat up in shock. “What the hell, Clay? A  _ trainwreck _ ? You are genuinely the most amazing person I know. Don’t ever call  _ my boyfriend  _ a  _ trainwreck _ again.”

Dream once again laughed. “George, why? Why of all people did you settle for  _ me _ ?”

George felt himself raise his brow. “ _ Settle _ ? You’re kidding.”

Through the door frame, he could hear Clay’s voice was a bit muffled. He pictured Clay with his head in his hands. “Nope, not kidding.”

George rolled his eyes. “With you, Clay. I’m not settling. You are, in one word, empyreal. You are the kindest person I know. You do little things that make me smile, even if I try to hide how happy they make me. You never back away from a challenge. You’re stubborn, but  _ God _ , you’re cute when you are. When you want something, your eyes ignite like candlelight. Your lips part a bit, as if you’re waiting to jump on the opportunity to say something.”

George hears Clay sigh, but continues nonetheless.

“-And, when you’re thinking. Sometimes, you think too hard. Too deeply. I sometimes wish you wouldn’t think as much, ‘cause I hate looking at you when you’re worried. You’re beautiful enough, however, that I would still look at you regardless. I want to run my fingers through your hair, Clay. I want to exame the galaxies that plague the freckles of your cheeks. I want to get lost in your wheat-coloured eyes. I want to experience you, Clay. Everyone does. Your validation is a disease that I am sick with, except I would never even consider taking a cure.”

After a few seconds of silence, George heard the door latch unlock. The door swung ajar slowly and soon he found himself enveloped in a hug with Clay. Usually, Clay was the one on the outside of the hug, letting George sink into him. Today, however, it was the opposite. Clay was leaning down, his head buried into George’s shoulder. George was going to pull away to meet Clay’s eye contact, but was immediately shut down.

“George, never let go.”

He didn’t.

______________________-----______________________

Clay counted the minutes that had passed as he finally let their grasps from each other drop. Clay flushed as George kissed him softly on the forehead. Clay was transported back to that one morning where George discovered Clay sleeping alone on the grass. George had protected him, just as he was doing now. George held him. George was there for him. He was Clay’s constant. 

Soon, however, his constant would be shipped back to London.

“George,” Clay finally spoke up.

George turned to look at him, eyes swirling with empathy and concern, “Yes?”

Clay sat on the edge of his bed and motioned for George to do the same. He did.

“Do you remember that one morning, outside? When I was awake at dawn?”

George nodded, “How could I forget?”

Clay smiled waveringly at him, tears still continuing to well up in your eyes. “You know, I stopped having episodes like that. I stopped waking up outside at dawn, afraid and alone.”   
  
George smiled back earnestly, “Do you know why they stopped?”   
  
Clay nodded and George gazed at him with an expectant look.

“You, George.”

Clay heard George choke on his breath.

“You’re the reason they stopped. Thank you.”

George kissed him softly on the cheek. “I would wake up alone in the grass a thousand times if it meant you never had to again.”

Clay felt his face flush at this. “You’re an idiot, George,” he replied, smiling.

“I love you so much, Clay. As much as I wish I could shield you from what’s going on right now, I can’t.”

“I know.”

“I think you should address this, personally,” George started, placing a cool hand on Clay’s shoulder, “but if you choose not to, I’ll support your decision either way.”

Clay nodded. “I need some time to think.”

George pulled away and smiled understandingly. “Take all the time you need.”

“Just-” he continued, pausing a second, “Don’t think too deeply.”

__________

After hours of contemplation, Clay sat in his recording room. He quickly texted George and Nick to join him. Clay was wearing his green smiley-face hoodie. He showered. He meticulously perfected his hair. Even to himself, he could admit he looked good.

George and Nick entered with wide eyes.

“Clay, what are you doing?” Nick asked, voice careful.

“What I need to do.”

The boys nodded, clearly understanding what he was getting at.

They joined him at either side of his chair.

Clay booted up his P.C., opened Twitch, and hit the infamous button:

_ Go Live _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed! i like this chapter a lot more than i did my last few, cuz tbh im getting kinda bored at this story smh. only a few chapters to go! thank you all for the support, it genuinely is crazy :)
> 
> also, 1.5k hits and 100 kudos? im a celebrity now. /j /lh
> 
> as always, shameless plug to check out my most recent story, iambic pentameter! having a lot of fun writing that one!


	19. it felt like a goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn’t feel like their other kisses.
> 
> It felt like a goodbye.

Clay forced a smile out as chat soon began flooding in with questions.

_ Who is this? _

_ WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK _

_ im shielding my eyes bye im not ready for a face reveal- _

“Hello!” he greeted out, a toothy grin plaguing his face. Chat seemed to catch up quickly - the voice belonged to  _ Dream _ . The man before them was  _ Dream _ .

Clay wrapped his arms around the two boys next to him.

“What’s up, guys! I’m here with Sapnap and George and uh… Hi! It’s me, Dream!”

Soon, Clay felt himself not needing to force out a smile anymore. He felt genuinely cheery.

The chat was exploding in a variety of kind messages, either praising his objectively attractive physique or his bravery.

The men streamed for a couple of hours, cracking jokes, answering questions, and more of the like. Clay felt, in a word, happy.

______________________-----______________________

Tomorrow would be New Years.

2021.

George felt himself pace around Clay’s room; New Years meant new beginnings for the two of them, but also meant he would be returning to London. Returning to his friends, his family, his pets. Returning to the life he had before he visited the warm and humid world of Clay. Leaving Clay in that world, without him.

Clay walked into the room and George felt himself slowing his pacing. Even just Clay’s presence calmed him. A presence that, in a few days, would simply be a memory.

George melted as Clay placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, clearly sensing his worry.

“It’ll be okay, George,” he said, his voice weary.

George nodded. He wasn’t sure if he believed it. From the way Clay said it, he wasn’t sure if Clay did, either.

“Will you miss me, Clay?”

Clay giggled lightly before closing the space between the two and leaning his forehead on George’s. “Of course I’ll miss you, idiot.”

George lightly chucked, “Pretty sure  _ you’re _ the idiot, Clay.”

____________

10:32 P.M. 

One hour and 28 minutes until midnight.

One day, one hours, and 28 minutes until George would spend his final few hours with Clay.

Clay had suggested the boys watch a movie to pass the time before midnight inched closer. George and Nick obliged. None of them were really paying attention, though. A bittersweet sense of longing and anxiety seemed to fill the Florida air.

Nick was obviously apprehensive about leaving as well. From what George could tell, it wasn’t the yearning and passion that Clay and he had shared, but a platonic love for the both of them. As if he was deciphering George’s thoughts, Nick spoke up.

“I’m gonna miss you boys. A lot, really. Even if I was third wheeling all trip.”

Clay rolled his eyes light heartedly, but there was a glimmer of melancholiness in his gaze. “You’re a good friend, Nick.”

“You too.”

“I’m gonna miss you, Nick,” George added.

“I’m gonna miss you too,  _ Gogy, _ ” Nick said with a smirk, leading to a loud wheeze from the Floridian and a scoff from the Brit.

“We were having a  _ moment _ Nick, and you ruined it.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick said, still between laughs. Clay was joining him in the laughter.

“Fuck off,” George said, but he couldn’t help show his smile. He loved both of the men surrounding him. One, platonically. The other, in a whimsical, amorous way.

He was going to miss them both.

So, so much.

____________

11:45 P.M. 

15 minutes until midnight.

One day and 15 minutes until George would spend his final few hours with Clay.

Nick had fallen asleep on the couch.

George had attempted to wake him up, but to no avail; he was dead-set on sleeping through the turning of the year, and neither George nor Clay could be bothered to spend more time forcing him awake when he clearly didn’t want to be.

Almost instinctively, George felt himself walk to the window leading to the roof where he and Clay had first kissed.

“You wanna go up to the roof?” he heard from behind him. George nodded without turning back and pulled himself up. The blonde man soon followed in pursuit.

“Wow, George,” Clay commented, smiling. They were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the cool panels of the roof.

“What?” George asked, smiling. He took in Clay’s beauty, only elevated by the moonlight. It reminded him so dearly of the first night they had gone up here. The night he had first fully experienced Clay.

“You pulled yourself up here, without my help.”   
  


George’s face flushed. “I’ve gotten to know your house better. I’m a pro,” he joked, grinning.

Clay smiled back, but there was something sad in his gaze. As if he was looking at George for the last time. Almost immediately, George felt the blonde man collapse into his chest.

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much, George.”

George nodded and rested his chin on Clay’s head. “I’m going to miss you more.”

George watched as Clay pulled away and checked his phone, “Thirty seconds until midnight, George.”

“Quick, Clay. Make a wish.”

George watched Clay close his eyes for a few seconds and smile, “Your turn.”

George did the same.

_ 10 seconds. _

George turned to Clay and smiled.

_ 9. _

Clay smiled back.

_ 8. _

“What did you wish for for the new year, George?”

_ 7. _

“Psshh,” George started, “I can’t tell you.”

_ 6. _

Clay rolled his eyes.

_ 5. _

“What did  _ you _ wish for then, Clay?”

_ 4. _

Clay inched closer to George.

_ 3. _

George did the same towards Clay.

_ 2. _

Clay cupped his hands on George’s jaw.

_ 1. _

“You.”

The boys instantly melted into a kiss.

It was slow, it was intimate.

It didn’t feel like their other kisses.

It felt like a goodbye.

“Happy New Years, George,” Clay said, pulling away and sporting a sad smile.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you, Clay?”

Clay put his finger up to his chin, probably trying to signify he was thinking. “Hmm… not sure. Maybe say it just in case.”

“I love you, Clay.”

Clay smirked, “How about again?”

“I love you.”

“Once more for good measure?”

“I still love you, Clay.”

Clay pulled him into a light embrace. He mumbled something, and if it had been anyone else, George wouldn’t have been able to make out the words.

But, it was Clay, so he could.

“I love you more, George.”

_ One until George would spend his final few hours with Clay. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one chapter + an epilogue left :) it has been insane how kind you all are with this story! looking forward to getting it done so i can put my focus on my new story, iambic pentameter though (shameless plug hehe, go check it out). but seriously, ty all! ty for sticking around through this mess of a first story lmao


	20. loverboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Clay,” he whispered, almost inaudible if they weren’t so close together.
> 
> “Y-yes?” Clay responded, a mix of nerves and sadness manifesting itself in his voice.
> 
> “Promise me this isn’t the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL NORMAL CHAPTER ALERT!
> 
> the epilogue should be out soon after this :)) just want to preface how nice it is to read all of your kind messages :) starting this story (it is my first on ao3 :o ) i expected like maybe 5 people to read it tops. the amount of support this has gotten is INSANE. ly all <3

Clay woke up in the comfort of George.

George’s lips were lightly grazing his neck. His legs were tangled in between Clay’s. Their fingers were intertwined loosely, George rubbing circles on Clay’s knuckles. Their hair was scuffed up together. They were one.

Soon, they would be split apart.

Clay wanted so dearly to stay in that position. He wanted to forget George would be off across the ocean in a matter of hours. He wanted to forget that today was a goodbye.

George seemed to stir beneath him.

“Goodmorning, Georgie,” Clay whispered softly.

_ Their final good morning _ , he thought to himself.

  
“Goodmorning, Dreamy,” George whispered in reply, his eyes now fluttering.

Dream nudged him lightly before removing himself from George’s grasp. George got up from the bed as well. Almost instinctively, the boys both leaned in for a kiss.

“I’m going to miss having good mornings with you,” George muttered into the nape of Clay’s neck.

“As if I’m not going to call you to say good morning anyways,” Clay responded, chuckling lightly as he pulled away to look George in the eyes.

He could make out a glassinness to his tear ducts. He was crying.

“Don’t cry on me, George. We still have a couple of hours,” Clay said earnestly.

George rolled his eyes, “I’m not crying.”

_ He clearly was.  _ Either way, Clay raised his hands up in surrender, “Whatever you say.”

They walked into the kitchen, arms and fingers intertwined. Nick was already sitting up at the small breakfast nook, drinking what Clay could interpret as coffee by the pungent smell of espresso lingering through the air.  _ God, Clay hated the smell of coffee _ .

Clay turned to Nick as he realized the man was already staring back at him. “Are you okay, dude?” Nick asked, concern in his eyes.

Clay furrowed his brow, “Yeah, why?”

“You look like you’re about to puke,” Nick commented. 

As if by result, Clay felt himself hurry towards the bathroom as he began standing over his toilet. Whatever dinner he had had the night before was soon in it.

“Oh my God, Clay. Are you okay?” George said, running in from the door frame.

Clay nodded. He wasn’t sure what had caused this random outburst of nausea (he just assumed it was the coffee). When George walked in on him, however, he soon came to the realization.

“I’m-” Clay spoke up after what felt like minutes of silence, “I’m just nervous.”

“Why?”

“I’m nervous things won't be the same.”

Clay slowly picked himself up from where he was kneeling by the toilet and went to the sink, washing his face, hands, and mouth.

“They won’t be the same,” George said (much too nonchalantly for Clay’s liking) with a shrug.

“Wh-what?”

George placed a supportive hand on Clay’s shoulder as Clay now swirled around mouthwash in his gums to dissipate the taste of vomit. “It won’t be the same. I won’t be able to kiss you as much as I want to.”

Clay scoffed light heartedly.

“I won’t be able to see your gorgeous face in person.”

Clay rolled his eyes, “Idiot.”

“An idiot you love?”

Clay nodded, “an idiot I love.”

______________________-----______________________

George didn’t want to leave. Not at all, actually.

One night, around a week ago, George had brought up the topic to an almost-asleep Clay.

_ “What if I just… stay?” George asked, his face muffled from being pressed up against Clay’s chest in the bed they had been sharing for the past few weeks. _

_ Clay giggled softly before muttering, “You don’t want to.” _

_ “I do.” _

_ “What about your friends?” _

_   
_ _ “Fuck ‘em.” _

_ “Your family.” _

_ “Fuck ‘em too.” _

_ George felt Clay pull away as he met the boy’s gaze. “George,” he started, “you leaving will be the worst part of this trip, okay? But, I know you. You would stay, and then get all sad and mopey that you’re missing everything. I would feel so guilty,” Clay asserted, his voice slurred with exhaustion. _

_ George rolled his eyes light heartedly, “Even worse part of the trip than when you woke up crying in the grass?” _

_ “You were there, weren’t you?” _

_ George nodded. _

_ “So, it couldn’t have been  _ that _ bad.” _

_ George waited a second, studying Clay’s tired features. Even overtaken by fatigue, the man was celestial. “I love you,” he whispered, before slipping into sleep. _

Clay was too stubborn to let George stay. Too selfless. Too kind.

George thought back to what Nick had said when the picture of Clay in the parking lot had begun surfacing online:

_ “Promise me you’ll protect him.” _

In that moment, George wished he was a different person - a braver, more guarded person. A person who could put up a tough front. A person who wasn’t so riddled with yearning and fear that he could barely think.

The hours between Clay’s episode in the bathroom and the time they had to venture out to the airport passed by quickly and morosely. They were filled with somber and forced laughs, the recounting of memories, and platonically amiable embraces. Everyone seemed hesitant to say they were going to miss the other, as if it forced them to remember that, in only a few short hours, the trio would be physically disbanded. They would still be friends, of course (of that, all three were all-too-certain). It would be different, though. 

George didn’t dare check his phone. Judging by how long the boys had been talking, he was well-aware that it must have been past the time they had planned to leave for the airport. He didn’t mind, though. Part of him prayed he missed his flight so he had a reason to stay just a few more moments with Clay.

“Shit!” Nick exclaimed loudly, shooting up from where he was sitting on the sofa. “We need to leave. Like, now.”

George and Clay silently nodded, a mutually understood reminder that this meant they would have to say goodbye eventually. 

The boys heaped themselves and their luggage into the car. George was sitting in the back row (after an especially tense game of rock-paper-scissors, Nick had emerged victorious so he could sit in the passenger seat). Clay silently began driving.

“Come on, then,” George spoke up, leading to a glance from Clay before he turned back to the road.

“What?” Clay asked in response with a smile. 

“Can we at least play some music or something? It’s so sad in here.”

Nick interjected as well, “Yeah, dude. We’re driving to the ‘Orlando International Airport,’ not some funeral home.”

George watched Clay roll his eyes as he pulled his car over into a nearby parking lot. 

“George, your phone?” he asked, his hand outstretched.

George placed his phone in Clay’s hand and Clay hooked it up to the auxiliary cord connected to the car.

George took his phone back and pressed play.

Immediately, the starting chords of ‘Drops of Jupiter’ by Train flooded through the car speakers.

George giggled as Clay purposefully-badly began singing along, doing dramatic hand gestures with the one not directing the steering wheel.

_ “Since the return of her stay on the moon _

_ She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey!” _

George began humming along before eventually singing the lyrics as well.

_ “But tell me, did you sail across the sun? _

_ Did you make it to the Milky Way _

_ To see the lights all faded _

_ And that heaven is overrated?” _

Clay and George sang the last few lines together before the song finally ended. 

“Wow,” Clay said, scoffing lightly as if he was impressed. “You know all the words?”

George shrugged and then soon realized Clay wasn’t looking at him (he was obviously driving) so verbally answered as well, “It was in your playlist for me.”

Clay giggled softly, eyes still glued to the road in front of them. “I know, but I didn’t expect you to listen to it that much. How many times have you listened to it?”

George thought for a second, “Umm… I don’t know. A lot?”

Clay chuckled softly in reply, followed by a dramatic groan from Nick.

“Jesus Christ, guys. If you’re just going to flirt I might as well switch seats with George.”

“Nope,” Clay said, shaking his head lightly. “You’re gonna stay in the front, third wheeling.”

______________________-----______________________

Clay eventually pulled up to the airport after around an hour or so of driving. They had made up for all of the time they lost, compensated for by Clay always driving a little bit (a little bit meaning quite literally up to 40 miles) over the speed limit. Somehow, either by a grace of God or lack thereof, they had managed to get there without delay. Clay secretly wished they had gotten ticketed. Or, perhaps, ran out of gas. He couldn’t get himself to fully accept the fact that George was leaving.

Clay turned to the back seat, finding a sleeping George laying with his head leaned up against the window.

“This reminds me of the first day we got here,” Nick spoke up, ripping Clay away from his thoughts. 

Clay raised an eyebrow in response.

“Oh, come on. George asleep in the backseat, you ogling at him like a simp. Just like the old days.” 

Clay rolled his eyes in but still found himself chuckling. “I’m gonna miss you, dude.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

Clay and Nick exited the car as Clay hesitantly opened the back car door. He took in sleeping George.

_ This would be the final time he saw George sleep in person for a long time _ .

He gently moved his face against George’s and whispered: “George, we’re here.”

In return, George groggily wiped the exhaustion off of his eyes. Clay felt his stomach burst as George grinned widely at him.

George leaned towards Clay and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

Clay melted into the act before pulling away and sighing, “As much as I would love to stay here and kiss you all day, you’ve got a flight to catch.”

“Don’t remind me,” George said while dramatically rolling his eyes and pulling himself out of the car.

The line for security was very short, and the men got through it briskly. The airport had allowed Clay to go through using an airline gate pass so he could say goodbye to the boys as they were physically boarding.

Nick’s flight was first, boarding around a half an hour before George’s, so they started heading towards his gate. Clay took this opportunity to glance around the airport. Surrounding him were large, glassy windows that overlooked the broad blue sky. Clay’s eyes were caught on a plane that had just taken off:  _ British Airways _ . Clay scoffed lightly to himself; in only a matter of hours, the man he had grown to love would be on nearly the same thing. It was as if the universe was teasing him.

From the left, he could see couples reuniting at plane gates. Their eyes were red with tears. Their faces were pressed together passionately and longingly; it reminded Clay of the first kiss George and he had truly shared up atop his roof.

Clay felt his body shiver as thin, bony fingers intertwined with his. Even after the weeks they had spent together, Clay still was not used to such a sensation.

He hoped he would never be used to it. 

What started off as a small crush had morphed into a monster, a monster that was eating Clay up inside. The monster that would perhaps fade when the boys were so distanced from each other. The monster that Clay considered love.

_ Love. _

George had tightened his grip on Clay’s hand now, and was comfortingly rubbing circles on his knuckles. George must’ve been staring at Clay, because when Clay smiled at the touch, he spoke up.

“What are you grinning about,  _ loverboy _ ?”

This made Clay almost wheeze, “Loverboy?!”

George began giggling and shrugged, “I don’t know, it kinda fits you.”

Clay raised a brow.

George shrugged again and the boys caught up in pace to Nick who was now walking a couple feet in front of them.

Clay felt himself gulp as he saw the sign for Nick’s gate:

_ Orlando, FL to Houston, TX _

_ Boarding in 3 Minutes _

“Three? What the hell,” Nick exclaimed loudly, turning to Clay and George.

Clay offered a smile, but even he could sense how sad it must’ve looked.  _ God, he was going to miss his best friend _ .

Nick attacked him in a hug. Clay protectively wrapped his arm around Nick’s back. “Come back soon, Pandas.”

Nick chuckled lightly, “I’m always only a 14 hour drive away. Feel free to call me the next time you have boy troubles and I’ll come right over.”

Clay rolled his eyes at this and then elbowed a chuckling George in the ribs.

“Thanks for everything, man.”

“You too, dude.”

Clay smiled and watched as George and Nick said their goodbyes. That grin soon fell when an announcement rang.

_ “Final boarding call for the flight from Orlando, Florida to Houston, Texas. Final boarding.” _

Nick walked up to the airline assistant who was standing checking tickets at the gate. He handed his ticket to the gate and turned to the boys before going through.

He saluted.

Clay and George saluted back.

Then, Nick vanished into the doors of the gate.

Clay took this as his cue to grab George by the hand and practically drag him.

“Wha-what?” George said in response, although clearly allowing himself to be dragged.

Clay practically ran over to George’s gate. They got there in around five minutes.

“I didn’t want to waste time walking, George. We have like 25 minutes until you’re out of here, and I want to make that time count.”

Clay watched George grin at him, but instead of joy, only longing stirred in his dark eyes.

“Clay,” he whispered, almost inaudible if they weren’t so close together.

“Y-yes?” Clay responded, a mix of nerves and sadness manifesting itself in his voice.

“Promise me this isn’t the end,” George instructed. It wasn’t a suggestion, it was a demand.

“I promise.”

At that, Clay felt George collapse into him with a kiss, their lips brushing past each other passionately and roughly. 

The boys sat talking, heads resting upon each others’ laps, for the next twenty five minutes. Time was slipping by quickly. All Clay wanted to do was keep running his hands through the brunet’s hair. Soon, an announcement ruined his empty fantasies.

_ “Final boarding call for the flight from Orlando, Florida to Heathrow Airport in London, United Kingdom. Final boarding.” _

George and Clay stood up, both of the boys’ eyes wide with surprise and fear.

Clay strongly threw his arms around George’s neck and kissed him lightly. “I’m going to miss you so fucking much, George. Goodb-”

“This isn’t goodbye, Clay,” George interrupted, letting their foreheads rest on each other.

Clay nodded.  _ He was right _ .

“FaceTime me the  _ second _ you get off that plane, dipshit.”

“Whatever, idiot.”

“You’re the idiot, George.”

Clay watched as tears slowly sparkled over his partner’s cheeks.

“I love you,  _ loverboy _ ,” George said softly.

“Oh, that’s catching on, is it?” Clay asked jokingly, leading to a giggle from George. “I love you too,” Clay now whispered back quietly.

Clay watched George hesitantly walk to the ticketing area and sign in. Before he walked through, George called out “I love you, Clay!”

Clay felt himself wheeze. Out of anyone, he had never expected  _ George _ to be the one yelling in the middle of the airport.

“I love you too!” he yelled back.

Soon, George dissolved into the doors of his gate.

______________________-----______________________

George felt his stomach drop as the buzz of the plane moving rang through his ears.

  
He felt physical pain.

It felt as if he was being detached from a part of him, an organ that helped keep him grounded.

Slowly, the plane took off.

George tiredly waved out of the small oval-shaped window of the plane.

He wondered if Clay was waving back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still considering if i want the epilogue to be happy or sad 
> 
> do i wake up tomorrow and choose violence? stay tuned hehe >:)


	21. epilogue: apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue.
> 
> the events following george and nick's departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to preface this isn't in a specific person's pov; it's more a hybrid/melange of third person omniscient and third person limited between both of the boys! thanks!
> 
> also, its craaaazy how cool all of you guys are! thanks for all the kind words/kudos/etc. and i hope you enjoy :))

Upon George’s return to London, he and Clay had called nearly every day. Even so, neither could shake the feeling that it simply felt  _ different _ . It was as if their two realities had collided, one on screen and one off, forming a strange bridge between the two. Clay had grown a liking to talking about their relationship in semesters: “B.M.” (before meeting) and “A.M.” (after meeting). George had noticed that he had begun doing it as well.

Clay had found himself waking up outside again. He had eventually grown numb to it; it was a part of his daily routine now.

After a couple of months, their initial euphoria from meeting had died down exceptionally. Neither Clay nor George truly had the effort nor longing to stay up until ungodly hours of the night in order to match each other’s sleep schedules.

Even so, they still considered themselves “together.”

Clay had found himself getting incredibly caught up in his work, finding little time to talk to friends outside of streaming and filming.

He tried his best, but catching up with George every day proved itself difficult. With neither of them on the same time schedule, there was little room for them to socialize together for long periods of time.

Nick had called Clay one night, nearly 3 AM his time. He had clearly noticed a wall between the two - it was difficult not to.

“Dude, what happened with you and George?”   
  


“What do you mean?” Clay responded, voice riddled with exhaustion.

“I don’t know… it’s- it’s like you’ve given up.”

Clay inhaled sharply at this. He himself almost believed it. 

When he thought of George, however, he knew he could not give up on him. He reminisced on their time on his roof, the brunet boy’s hair scratching his chin as he leaned upon his chest. The bitter glee he felt kissing him after what felt like years of hesitation. The jubilation of reciprocated feelings.

Clay would not let himself give up on George.

George, on the other hand, was caught up in his own mind, afraid to reach out to Clay too often in fear of seeming pathetic or overly clingy. George was well aware of Clay’s lack of reciprocated effort to keep their relationship intact. He no longer answered every single one of his calls, and when he did, they were short and far in between. He no longer answered his messages like a love-struck teenager, plagued with “:)”s and “<3”s. He answered George as if talking to him was a chore.

George had brought the subject up to Nick who seemed to wholeheartedly agree.

“I feel like he is sick of me,” George confessed, eyes bloodshot from tears that, against George’s desires, flooded out of his dark eyes.

“I promise dude, he isn’t. He’s just… difficult.”

“ _ Difficult _ ,” George repeated, unable to fully comprehend it. Their relationship was never  _ difficult _ , it had always been effortless for the two to get along.

Since when had it become…  _ difficult _ ?

Clay would be lying if he said his feelings had remained completely stagnant. Quite literally, they were faltering, and he (much to his dismay) had noticed.

Clay had met a girl.

And she was lovely.

She had moved in a couple houses down a few weeks following when Nick and George had flown back to their respective abodes, and Clay had quickly grown a liking to her. Her name was Juniper, and her hair was a bewitching shade of auburn red. According to what she had told Clay, she was a “struggling artist who was wasting her talents working as a fucking barista.” She was funny.  _ Not as funny as George, though _ , Clay reminded himself.

Clay had made sure not to lead Juniper on, however. He refused to hurt her like that, but  _ especially _ refused to hurt George. Even so, his few somewhat flirtatious encounters with her left him plagued with guilt. He knew he had to tell George.

He opened Discord and remembered they had changed their nicknames for each other several odd weeks ago. Weeks ago when they were still clinging to the longing that they had felt following George’s departure.

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ hi george _

George answered almost instantly.

**_georgie <3: _ ** _ hello clay <3 _

Shit, a heart. This was going to make talking to him even more difficult.

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ can i be blunt with you? _

**_georgie <3:_ ** _ seems like you’re planning to anyways, so go ahead _

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ i met a girl. _

George was typing.

And then stopped.

And typed again.

And stopped. 

It was a full ten minutes of this before he finally responded.

**_georgie <3:_ ** _ oh. _

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ yeah _

**_georgie <3:_ ** _ are you like… _

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ nononononono _

**_georgie <3:_ ** _ ? _

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ i just felt like i should tell you. keep you in-the-know. you are my boyfriend, after all. _

**_georgie <3:_ ** _ am i? _

**_loverboy <3:_ ** _ i hope so … ? _

Immediately after this, Clay was met with the sound of a FaceTime call. It opened to George boasting a red and tear-covered face.

_ Shit _ . He had caused this.

“What the hell, Clay?” George asked, pain wrecking his voice. George felt as if Clay had completely mutilated him, stabbing him in the chest as if George was a Julius Caesar and Clay was Brutus. 

_ Et tu, Brute? _

“George-” Clay spoke softly. He was aware he had fucked up.

“No, don’t fucking  _ ‘George’  _ me, Clay. I have tried talking to you so many times and you just brush me off. Now I find out you’ve fallen for some  _ girl _ ?”

Clay felt tears well up in his face as well. 

“I haven’t ‘fallen’ for her, George. I am in love with you.”

George’s breath hitched at this. “No you’re not,” he replied, his voice cold.

Clay was taken aback by this, “Y-yes, I am.”

“Prove it.”

“How?”

Clay watched George shrug bitterly across his phone screen, “I don’t know. That’s what you need to find out for yourself.”

Clay was about to respond when he saw George had ended the call.

Clay spiraled, searching frantically to find something -  _ anything -  _ that could prove his love to George.

Clay had been confused by his feelings, sure, but hearing the pain in George’s voice had reminded him just how much Clay had cared for him.

Clay found a message.

_ From Christmas. _

The plane ticket George had given him to London.

He frantically packed a bag and was on his way.

__________________________________________________

It had been mere hours since George and Clay had called, and Clay was already on line for security at the Orlando International Airport. Here, only a few short months ago, he had kissed George. He hadn’t said goodbye.

They still had a chance.

It was no short of a miracle that Clay had managed to get a flight to London in such short notice. If he wasn’t agnostic, he would’ve practically been on his knees praying to God that his plan worked.

After a turbulence-flooded flight, a day later, he arrived in London.

Clay didn’t even bother renting a car.

He clumsily hailed a taxi, feeding him George’s address he had already previously acquired from their past discussions.

Then, it dawned on him: George did not know he was coming. What if he turned him away? Would this effort amount to nothing?   
  
George, on the other hand, was nervously pacing around his living room, racking his brain for where perhaps he went wrong. Was he not good enough for Clay? He didn’t think so. He had always thought Clay was too good for him; too good looking, too kind, too patient. Did Clay finally realize this himself?

George dissolved into his wooden floorboards, hugging his knees close to his chest. He could sit here for hours. He  _ would _ , he decided. His entire apartment was disheveled, left unkempt from his lack of cleanliness resulting from his confusion and frustration with the man who, unbeknownst to him, was on the other side of his door. 

George shot up in shock after a light knock graced his door.

He hadn’t invited anyone over, so he assumed it was the postal service or something of the sort. He returned back to his position on the floor.

_ Another knock _ .

George continued to sit silently.

_ Another _ .

He heard faint muttering from the exterior of his apartment, but he couldn’t make out a distinct voice.

“Shit, shit, shit, is he not home?  _ Fuck _ .”

George tiredly walked to the door. Clearly, the person who was knocking was obnoxiously adamant about coming in. George warily opened the door and was met with a blonde man towering over him, eyes wide with heavy eye bags.

Clay relaxed his shoulders when he saw George. His mere presence seemed to force all of his worries to dissipate. 

Before Clay could speak up, perhaps to apologize for either coming without warning or for his past grievances, he was pulled by the collar of his sweatshirt into a passionate kiss, riddled with pain and longing.

Clay felt himself instinctively pull away, desperate to meet the shorter man’s eye contact.

Dark pools of sincerity stared back at him. At this, he remembered why he was in love with him.

He practically grabbed George into another kiss, who gladly kissed back. They ran their hands through each others’ hair, cupped each others’ jaws, and whispered into each others’ fragile souls.

“You fucker,” George whispered charmingly while biting his lip, leading to Clay hitching his breath.

“Wh-what?” Clay responded, face flushed. It had been what felt like forever since he had heard George speak with such endearment.

George pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, just as they did that night on the rooftop and the day they had promised to come back to each other at the airport.

“You did it,” George replied softly.

  
“Did what?”

“You proved that you’re in love with me.”

__________________________________________

It had been almost two years since Clay had impulsively flown out to see George.

It had been around a year since Clay had moved into his flat in London.

It had been around 4 months since Clay had proposed to George.

  
  


They were sitting on the roof of George’s apartment building (which was strictly prohibited by the apartment complex owner, but Clay forced him to anyway). They were singing along to the playlists they had made for each other, when eventually, Clay got down on one knee.

He held out a ring. 

It looked small in Clay’s large hands, as if he was protecting it.

George said yes.

  
  


It had been around three weeks since the engaged couple had decided to move into their own house, somewhere in the outskirts of Brighton.

It was rather modest on the outside, a wooden and stone brick exterior that resembled a contemporary take on a cottage. The inside, however, was rather lavish. It was a perfect mix of resplendent and unobtrusive. It was  _ them _ .

They had livestreamed together around a week ago, giving out small details and hinting about their engagement. After all, the boys enjoyed being at least a  _ little _ cryptic.

Today, George and Clay had decided to somewhat publicly announce their status.

_ @dreamwastaken: (boy)friends don’t lie. _

Accompanied by the text was an image of their hands intertwined, and just barely could the viewer see George’s ring. 

In a word, the boys were content.

___________________________________

The butterflies had never died down in either of the boys’ stomachs.

Even after the years that they had been together, even a simple touch from the other would send shivers down their bodies and send blood rushing to their veins.

Every time they touched, it felt like the first time.

Clay no longer woke up outside - he no longer was awake at dawn, scrambling for answers as to why he was there.

George protected him.

George had solved his problems.

George found himself being more sociable with others when he was around Clay, as if he was the ignition he needed to force himself to be more outspoken.

After Tweeting out the picture, and forming witty responses to comment towards shocked fans and friends, the boys eventually found themselves in their bed, fingers in each others’ hair and legs entangled.

They were together.

They were happy.

**_Awake at Dawn._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END FOLKS!
> 
> was this enough drama? hehehehe
> 
> sorry, i couldn't make the ending TOO happy...
> 
> jokes aside, i reallyyy hope you've enjoyed. the amount of support this has gotten is crazy. yall are so sweet. 
> 
> i hope this epilogue did the story justice :)) i really enjoyed writing it!!
> 
> i really recommend you check out the fic im working on, "iambic pentameter." it's a little more polished than this one ahaha, this was my first after all. gonna update that one more now that this is over! (the end of an era, ahahah)  
> _________________  
> also I am currently writing this after the mr. beast rewind and damn, all that hype for a mask smh. Leos be Leos i guess. /j /lh
> 
> i love u all :) stay safe and happy 2021!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed :)) if you have any feedback lmk! also hoping to update fairly regularly if people enjoy this ahaha


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